[claireb]

Hi ladies...

I first of all have to say that I am SOOOOOOO happy that I have found this forum.

:

:

: It is so nice to have others truly understand the pain of a loss.

Tonight I went to our Catholic Easter Vigil (3 hours long...dullsville!!!

) but my father was being baptized, first comunion-ed, and confirmed all at once...as my mother says...the "whole enchilada!!"

Anyway, tomorrow (Easter Day) is my hubby and my first anniversary. I was supposed to be nearly 6 month preggo...

but lost the little one at 11.5 weeks.

So at the vigil tonight (3 hours long, btw), I couldn't stop crying for some reason...my poor brother in law had to leave and get me tissues...love him!! I was just thinking about how I'm supposed to be 6 months along and showing with a cute baby bump and celebrating my first anniversary with my amazing hubby...and instead, I'm grieving my baby.

My entire family (extended and all) was there...which made it very embarassing because everyone saw me crying throughout the service, and I feel so silly because I only lost the baby at 11 weeks or so...I SHOULD be over it...fuck it but I am NOT over it. Combine that with the near-death of my hubby and I've had a SHIT year...I just want my HEALTHY baby.

I am just sad tonight. Easter was supposed to be a happy holiday for us...with our beautiful healthy baby bump, and all the exicitement that was to come...but now...nothing. Nothing but sorrow. And our first anniversary (although I am SOOOOOOOOO GRATEFUL that my hubby is alive!!!!!!!!) is a bit tainted by the fact that our peanut didn't survive.

Am I just being over-dramatic?

Claire

 

[expatmommy]

Not over dramatic at all

 

[Fireflyforever]

No, you aren't. Your baby died - you're entitled to be sad ... and being grateful for your husband's recovery doesn't negate the need to grieve your baby.
((((HUGS)))

 

[claireb]

Thanks ladies...I really needed to hear that others understand. Sometimes I feel guilty for being so sad about my baby

because I feel guilty like I should be so overcome with joy and gratitude that my husband is alive...

Can't I be BOTH??

Because I AM overcome with gratitude that Nick is alive and with me and we have a second chance at a long and happy life together, and making a family together...but that doesn't seem to take away the grief I have about missing my peanut.

Thanks again for understanding and for your support! It means a lot!

Claire

 

[marinak1977]

Claire... I am so sorry for your loss... You've had a tough year.

I hope you'll heal and be a stronger person for it. Hugs to you and your DH...

 

[MFuglei]

Quote:

Originally Posted by claireb Thanks ladies...I really needed to hear that others understand. Sometimes I feel guilty for being so sad about my baby because I feel guilty like I should be so overcome with joy and gratitude that my husband is alive... Can't I be BOTH?? Because I AM overcome with gratitude that Nick is alive and with me and we have a second chance at a long and happy life together, and making a family together...but that doesn't seem to take away the grief I have about missing my peanut. Thanks again for understanding and for your support! It means a lot! Claire

Yes. Yes, you most absolutely can.

I don't understand the concept that one cannot grieve deeply and yet rejoice in other things. We humans are complex creatures. I think I give us enough credit for you to feel the two seemingly mutually exclusive feelings you've got.

I've often felt that way.