[tilly2321]

I just don't know what to do anymore.... I have to take DS (just turned two) to the grocery store.(it's a long story, but I just don't have an option right now) He will sit in the cart for like two minutes (same thing with a hip sling or backpack) and then just wants to run around. He runs to where the toys are (mostly balls in the grocery store, won't stay with me, and just drives me insane. If I keep him confined, he just SCREAMS and carries on and whines at the top of his lungs. I have tried bribery (ashamed to say), feeding, cajoling, etc... Do you make your kids sit in the cart or stay in a carrier? The car carts work for a while,but then he gets tired of those. I wind up threatening and just yelling for him to stay near me and not run off. I am not into discipline as punishment, but really need to do something since he is really making shopping a nightmare. I am so tired of hearing from my non AP kids how if I had just been more strict and didn't let him "run the show" then I wouldn't be having these problems. Someone please help me find a good way to handle this.
Thanks,
Elle

 

[Nanner]

My dd has gone on almost every grocery shopping trip I have ever made and this is what I have always done (by the way, before she turned 2 I actually rarely went grocery shopping b/c I lived with my Mom, who did the shopping, so dd got her first real lesson in it at age 2-but we did a lot of other shopping where I let her run).
At that age, I would try to keep her as entertained as possible- toys/snacks,etc. If she really wanted to get down, I would tell her that she had to hold the shopping cart and if she let go she would have to get back in the cart. Then I would remind her once or twice (but no more), and follow thru with her getting back in the cart. As long as I could keep her contaiend there, I would continue shopping while she threw a fit. If she got out of hand (say, kicking me or climbing out), I would leave the store and put her straight in her car seat with a little talk about why we left. Oh, I forgot a *vital* part of this- bribery! Before we ever stepped foot in the store I would give her The Deal. If she is a good listener, she can ride the quarter horse on the way out (or pick a toy or whatever works for you). I think bribery is a great tool if you use it *before* they start acting up. So, it's more a "motivator". We shop at Bi-Lo a lot, so I would also remind her of the train we get to see when we get in and any other fun things she likes to see, like the lobster tank or whatever. This way, she is a bit siked about going in. Also, we round up samples (even the cake/junk ones) as we go.
If possible, try to break shopping into smaller trips, like go twice a week instead of once a week. Try all the positive stuff, and then hold your ground.
Another idea (which I ended up instituting), is to just not let him out of the cart at all. I found this useful b/c my dd was also a runner and hated hated hated the cart, and would not ride in any type of carrier (started at 12 mths, then around 18 mths I started working on her holding hands with me and at about 2 started insisting on cart-riding).
This is getting really long, sorry!
My dd is going on 4 now and still rides in the cart unless I only need a couple of things.
She is an excellent shopping companion and I actually don't bribe her most of the time. Also, I keep the bribe the same almost always-riding the quarter horse.
I say this is one where you have to endure some tantrums at first b/c he realizes this is a way for him to get to run around. It's much better for him to deal with staying in the cart (or nearby, if he can control himself), than it is for him to be yelled at and end up with a frustrated Mommy!
Good luck on it. It is not easy in the beginning to re-do the old way (running). I learned first hand with this also!
Sara

 

[Alexander]

b4 leaving, tell him where you are going, and ask him which toys and books he wants to take with him.

That may be a start.

Also, do you discuss everything with him, ask him which cerial to choose etc. Get him involved.

a

 

[mamaduck]

I agree with involving him. As much as possible, give him little jobs to do. Ask him to lift specific things off shelves for you and put them in the cart. A snack in the cart is useful too, especially if its something like cheerios that takes a lot of effort and a long time to eat! But I think the key is to keep him busy and occupied. If he is happy sitting in the cart or walking beside you, then he won't think to walk off. So think of ways to make him happy.

Make sure you never go at naptime or mealtime.

BTW, why do *have* to take him? Is there no other option? I've been shopping at 10:30 at night lately just to avoid taking any kids!

 

[Threefold]

I agree with the snack idea. With my ds is was always best to let him choose something to snack on from the store first thing. And something like a box of raisins or yogurt in a tube takes a while to etar and was novel enough to hold his interest. He was also entertained by a tape measure or just my incessant chatter about what we were doing (he didn't talk until close to 2 1/2). We didn't hit the running away phase until nearly 3, but I just let him know that if he couldn't stick with me (like the firefighers in one of his favorite books) he'd have to ride in the sling (which he wasn't into then), and I always brought the sling with me. I was matter of fact about it and explained it as a safety consequence, not a punishment. We talked about expected behavior at home before each shopping trip and set up a reward as well. I agree with the poster who said that setting up a motivator/reward in advance is less of a bribe than a desperate in the moment plea (not that I haven't gone there). For us, an occassional reward has gone a long way. Sears has a good few pages about this in his Discipline book.

 

[katiecat]

I could have written your post about my ds. He also will not stay in the cart no matter what I try and I've asked for advice before and tried it all.

Generally I shop w/o him but when he does come, giving him jobs works the best. He's only happy with treats for so long, doesn't really understand the bribing (yet) and wouldn't care less if we left the store in the middle of a tantrum. In fact, I think he'd prefer we leave so he'd probably just throw a fit so we would leave.

He must get that from me as I hate doing groceries but do my best to make it "fun" for him.

I let him put fruit and veggies in the bags and ask his help to put things in the cart. I talk to him constantly, though that doesn't really make a difference anyway. Really it's the "jobs" that make him sit still for maybe 5 minute (instead of 2).

Good luck. It's a tough age for sitting still I think!

Allison
mom to Callum 5/8/02

 

[Truvie]

My son just turned 2 and these are the tricks we use:

-he gets to pick out all fruits and veggies and put them in the bags (I prune out any really bad selections)

-any soft or unbreakable food item gets handed to him and he puts it (flings it) into the cart behind him

-he usually gets some fruit to eat, either via free samples that are already out or occasionally I ask the produce guy for something for him. The big chains will give you a free banana or apple. Sometimes I'll give him a fruit leather (takes a while to eat) or, in desperate times when I sense a big tantrum brewing, a cookie.

-my son is REALLY into numbers, so finding aisle numbers, checkout line numbers, prices, etc, keeps him interested. If he's starting to get bored, I can say, "hey look, a seven!" Hunting for shapes and colors works too.

-a balloon to carry around if the store has them

-in checkout lines we sing songs/play pattycake. We've been doing Music Together for awhile so luckily I have a big variety of stuff memorized.

I hope it gets easier for you two!

Truvie

 

[tboroson]

Trying to go at times of day when the child is more complacent is a Very Important Technique. Also, try not to pile too many errands and tasks on top of each other - even if it's a good time of day for Talia, if we've been in and out of four stores, she'll be a handful by the end. Some stores are much more overstimulating than others, and I avoid those. Hell-mart and Joann Fabrics are good examples - both have tons of eyecatching stuff piled on top of more stuff, narrow aisles that just beg to be run down and hidden in, and Wal-mart is usually packed with noisy people. Food and stickers do wonders to keep Talia's attention.

 

[Bearsmama]

I went through this with DS (now almost two-and-a-half) at about the same age as your DS. It started becoming a nightmare. I started going to the grocery store whenever I could by myself. For us, it was a complete STAGE. He just got better at it.

The things that helped me were going ONLY when I HAD to with him (if I could wait until Saturday morning to go, when DH was home, I would). Also, paying very close attention to timing (could not go anytime at all DS was remotely tired). And finally, talking to DS BEFORE we went about what I expected from him. I would tell him that I expected him to stay seated in the cart. That we would be as quick as possible and that he needed to listen to mommy while we were together. Also, getting a small cookie from the bakery when we first got there helped

 

[wildfarmsmama]

Ya, I went through this yesterday!! Here is my thing:
Have a plan, not too long of a list
Set aside extra time for the task, then there's time for fun
Get him a snack or drink

Before or after do a 2 year old fun thing (beach, park, etc)
Let him push the cart but be careful when you want to stop!
If it's not too busy and the aisles are short I let him run and meet me at the end of the next aisle

get strangers to talk to him--he'll cling fast!
AND the #1 way to AVOID the whole mess...
I order my stuff online and they DELIVER it for free the first time and $10 the other times in the month, I live really far from the store so it's a great deal!

 

[Marsupialmom]

I agree with other posters but one thing we did/do

If you cannot hold our hand/stay close (which at 2 is a hard command) then you go into the cart. We made trips short. They would have to sit in the cart for a few minutes. Then we would give them another chance to stay close. If they would run off back in the cart they go.

I will admit they would scream and cry but with some practice runs they got it

 

[pdxcdingmomma]

Oh, it's not just my son! Yay!

I tell ya, it's a real nightmare. Especially with having an infant, too, so the seat part of the cart is taken now (I don't always bring the sling w/me - don't know why

). And when DS1 runs away, I can't just abandon the cart and DS2 to go tearing off after him. *sigh*

I'm definitely going to try the "having him help" tactic. I think he'll love that. Food only works a very short time, and now that there's no room in the cart, I can't have him hanging out in the basket part.

Well, it helps a lot knowing there are other Mamas out there living with the same thing. When your child is throwing a mega fit in the store, it certainly feels like he/she is the only one and everyone is watching & judging.

 

[kama'aina mama]

A great thing a friend of mine did at that stage was to give her DS a list of his own. Sometimes her list, sometimes a list he scribbled himself, sometimes (when she had more prep time) a picture version of her list, where she drew a little loaf of bread, carton of milk, broccolli, etc... It put her son IN the process rather than a bystander or victim of it. There was joking about what was on "his" list... he would claim his list said candy and she would say ... almost... it says "handy" because we need new gloves for washing dishes.. or whatever. She is one of the most creative parents I know and it really worked for her.

 

[BusyMommy]

Have you tried putting him in a backpack while you're shopping?

I've always shopped w/both kids and they actually really enjoy it. I think, though, that if one of them were "active," though, I'd just backpack him. They have their jobs; ie. I hand everything to them and they pack it away in the back.

Good luck!!!

 

[Threefold]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kama'aina mama A great thing a friend of mine did at that stage was to give her DS a list of his own. Sometimes her list, sometimes a list he scribbled himself, sometimes (when she had more prep time) a picture version of her list, where she drew a little loaf of bread, carton of milk, broccolli, etc...

I second this! I totally forgot that we used this tecnique. It especially helped if I put items on the list that he could say.

 

[Stevie]

When DD was this age I bought her a sturdy little red toy grocery cart and it was always in the van. Especially in the winter it was wonderful to have her pushing her own cart and she got to put the fruits and veggies in "her" cart. I couldn't believe how quickly it changed her challenging behaviors! I also used it in the discount stores.

The rule from the beginning was that if she didn't stay close to me or if she ran into anyone else, the cart would go back tothe van and she would ride in the big cart. She enjoyed helping so much that it took months before she finally tested the limits and wandered off with her cart. I followed through; she cried; people looked at me like I was heartless; I smiled and continued... It was the only time she didn't follow the rule.

Now we'll see how well it works with her little brother; she is much more compliant and eager to please than he is

 

[tilly2321]

Do you remember where you bought the mini grocery cart? I have looked around but only seen some flimsy plastic ones. Any ideas on a good sturdy one for a boy?
TIA!
Elle

 

[wildfarmsmama]

I'm in Canada so I can't quote a price but we have a great cart. It's little tykes and I got it 4 years ago for our 1st son because the cheap one got trashed. It is so sturdy! We mainly use it for clean-up time and now the 2nd son loves it with a baby, TOOO cute!