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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi. I am really feeling sad. I have an oldest dd (8) then two more after her. She is really social and loved attention. I often expected way more than I should from her and didn't have time to do things she liked....either was pregnant or had some baby or younger child that usually trumped her. I feel really guilty about this.<br><br>
Now she is (long story) spending some nights away from me during the week to attend her school where my DH works. I don't go for the whole week. I miss her a lot but she wants/chooses to be there (we are former hs'ers...still mostly hs my middle child) She USED to miss me a lot when gone, ask what her younger siblings are doing, what we ate....now when we talk, she sounds like a teenager...."yes, fine" ect.....it makes me so sad.<br><br>
I realize that I am really hurt by this but also that it's inevitable. I guess I didn't expect it so soon....I also realize that she is also deep-down having some issues with this and might miss me more than she says (right????!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> ) and that it's my job to be loving to her even if she's not incredibly forthcoming and warm like she used to be. I mean, don't get me wrong, when I see her she's sweet....but distant. And I guess the guilt lies in the fact that she wanted so much more from me for so long and I feel like I didn't do a great job fulfliing those needs...and now, w/our youngest and last baby getting older, I am offering more of the stuff she used to want only to find she's not as intersted ("cat in the cradle" playing in the background)<br><br>
I think also some of this is realizing how much I've invested of my worth in parenting and seeing her moving away and feeling like I didn't do that well makes me feel like cr&p.<br><br>
anyway just wondering if anyone can relate....and what if anything helps...<br><br>
just feeling blue and missing my "baby"......<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br><br>
TIA mamas.<br><br>
ILB
 

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No advise here, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. My oldest DD is also 8, and I'm feeling the whole she doesn't need me as much and I wasn't as good of a mom to her when she was younger as I should have been. I'm also very worried about having the same type of relationship with her that I have with my mom, but not having any other example to go buy I'm not sure what to do different. Does that make any sense?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
thanks, it actually means a lot. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I think I was simply not ready for it and am wondering how to prepare myself....I mean, I know she still needs me and I have two, who really still need me too. I am just thinking though that I feel off, unbalanced and want to be ready and more accepting of these changes, not take them so personally and build a new future too.....<br><br>
I totally understand what you mean, ANgieB but I almost have the opposite problem. My own mother was really really great....really patient, and though I want to change some things about my rel. w/dd, I feel like I don't come close to how patient, and consistent she was. I am so impatient sometimes and really lose it with her and feel mean a lot. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Dunno, just rambling.<br><br>
Thanks chfriend, I will go look up that book. I appreciate it.<br><br>
ILB
 
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