[hunnybumm]

My DS is only 18 months, he will be two by the time the baby comes. I have had a few feelings of guilt about getting pregnant while he is still so young and attached. Well last night I started feeling really really guilty. What if he feels unloved when the baby gets here? What if he feels like he was replaced? What if he feels like I don't have enough time for him (especially in the first month)? How do you tell a 2 year old they are going to have a little brother/sister and have them actually understand what is going on?

Has anyone else been feeling guilty about being pregnant so soon? Is it just the pregnancy hormones? Just tell me I am not alone. I would love to hear from moms who are going through this and have BTDT.

Thanks!

 

[dkenagy]

I have been right where you are... only mine are 14 months apart. It was a surprise to find out at just 5 months pp that I was pg again. Of course, my first feelings were elation and joy, but it didn't take long for the guilt to set in. I just knew my older dd would be warped forever by being deprived of all our love and attention. As my due date approached (and passed!), I was very emotional. When I woke up at 1:35 AM, 8 days past my EDD, to the first contraction that told me Presley was coming; the first thing I felt when I looked at my older DD's face was pure guilt. What was I doing to her??

But, looking back now, with my daughters being 13 and 27 months old, I couldn't be happier. It's not that you have to find a way to divide your love and attachment between your 2 children, but that you love and attachment grows that much to encompass them both. Now my daughters are old enough to play together and they even "talk" to each other in a special way that even I don't understand (but it's obvious they do).

The only advice I can give is to continue to love your children and be attached to them, and it will only get better with time. There will be days when you will have to spend all day nursing the younger and the older will feel left out. Or the older will be sick and you will have little time for the younger. No one is perfect, but we do our best and I think our children know when we are trying!!

Now we are getting ready to TTC#3 and I am wondering how my heart will stretch to accomodate 3 loves. I'm sure it will be much the same as last time... only with much more time between!!

Good luck!
Darci

 

[phathui5]

Please don't feel guilty. Guilt is for when you've done something wrong (and you haven't). My dd is going to be turning two the week before baby #3 is born. It's going to be a transition for her, but I know she's going to be okay, just like ds was when I had her.

 

[wendy1221]

I felt guilty and ANGRY when I found out I was pregnant again. I was charting (to PREVENT pregnancy) and I know EXACTLY when it happened. 7 days before I o'd we had sex before I checked my fluid. My fluid was fertile and I didn't realize it till afterwards and asked dh why he didn't tell me. He was like huh? Arg! I guess it *could* have been a condom malfunction closer to o, but I doubt it. I REALLY did not want to be pregnant again this soon. ANd I had extreme morning sickness this time, actually LOST weight my first trimester for the first time. But after I was over the pukies, I started feeling better about having another baby too soon (and I really do think it's too soon for US. 2 years apart may be fine for other people, but we didn't want to do that. My body hadn't recovered completely from my last pregnancy and birth and here I am pregnant, SO tired and fighting anemia since week 12.) You can't help how you feel. I know we'll be fine, but that doesn't mean I can or should stop feeling a little bad about it. I am going to love this baby, and I can't wait to meet him, but I still feel really bad for ds2, whose 2nd birthday is right around my due date. He can't even talk yet. At all. He's nowhere near potty trained. Still nursing. I think 3 or 4 years between kids is more ideal. Things will work out, they'll be closer in age and therefore better playmates, but it's still not ideal. We can't always have the ideal situation, but we can try for it, right? Even if it doesn't always work out as planed. LOL!

 

[Dreaming]

I found out we were expecting #2 the day before my DD's first birthday.
I'm very excited to be pregnant and also a bit apprehensive about having 2 kids under the age of 2 (DD will be 18 months when the baby gets here).

I feel bad that my milk will dry up and there is a possiblity that our nursing relationship will be compromised. I also feel bad that we will be staying in a bit more after baby arrives because I cannot imagine taking 2 kids all over town in the middle of winter.

I *am* however excited that we will have 2 so close in age. I'm grateful that DD will have a playmate. I am also happy that we get the "baby phase" (IMO the hardest time) over with all at once since we are planning 2 kids and no more. I have a friend who just had a baby #2 and her DD #1 is 10 years old. That situation would not be ideal to me.

 

[Got_Cloth]

Hang in there you will be fine my first 2 are 13 months apart and I have 3 kids ages 4, 3 and 17 months. it is scary and It is hard.. but you will get thru.......

 

[katt]

I am 15 mo. older then my next brother. we're fine. Sure, we fought, but all siblings do that. I'm sure my mom had difficulites, but I love my brother, then and now.
Mom said i was always a such a big 'help'. Which we all know means I tried to copy her and baby my brother too.

 

[CB73]

This growing baby is due ON my first child's 2nd birthday. How's that for worry?

I have started to have a nagging concern lately...esp the past few weeks when DS is suddenly very clingy to ME, refusing DH at bedtime when it used to be just fine...and just the overwhelming feeling of having responsibilities for TWO kids, so close in age. What if they are both screaming for mommy?

I do believe things work out, and we will all be fine - with some very hard moments sprinkled in to remind us of the very wonderful moments.

My sister and I are exactly 2 yrs apart...we fought some early on, but are so close now, as grown women. I look forward to nurturing that same close family bond in my own children.

 

[anudi01]

I have been thinking about this my entire pregnancy. I'm sure our families will grown with love, but I just keep thinking about the look of disappointment on my DS face when he won't understand that Mama needs to do (whatever) for the baby, and can't do for him. My son is not verbal at all yet, which makes this all the more frustrating for him and me. He is also what I guess one might call high needs, although I hate the label. I'm stressin' big time!!!!
But....I can't wait for this

 

[witchbaby]

i'm in exactly the same boat as you. i found out i was pregnant again when my daughter was 15 months and she'll be JUST 2 years old when this one is born (i'm due between dec. 15 and 25, my daughter's birthday is december 20). she is nowhere NEAR weaning and not really ready to move out of our bed totally. i'm fully committed to tandem nursing, but i'm worried there isn't enough room for all of us in our bed (we have a queen-sized bed and there is NO WAY to put another mattress in our room along-side it because our room is basically filled with our bed and dresser), plus i, too, feel like she'll feel replaced since she's so young and can't understand it.
so, while i don't have any advice, i'm there with ya.

 

[flapjack]

Another BTDT mama- and whilst it's incredibly hard, it's also fantastically rewarding having children so close together. There's 21 months between my boys, and they generally work as a double act- one of them thinks of something to do, and then they go and do it together (a constant alibi...) We had about 5 uncomfortable hours the day Isaac was actually born, where Alex didn't want to talk to me, then he came, snuggled in, and told me he was sad, and fell straight to sleep in my arms. He kept drawing, and scribbling, out all of his feelings, and I think that helped him.
I truly believe this is harder on you, physically, than it is on him- the demands of having a toddler when pregnant, all the lifting, bending, plus the fact that it takes time for your body to readjust after your first baby, and the hormones and emotions. Guilt shouldn't be an issue- you haven't done anything wrong.

 

[Sagesgirl]

I purposely got pregnant with my second when my first was 13 months old. I'm nine years younger than my brother and sixteen years younger than my half-sister. I didn't want to do that to my kids. OTOH, I am incredibly close to my cousin Margaret, whom I am 3 years, 3 days younger than (I figured it'd take me a lot longer to get pregnant with #2 than it did :LOL). And I've seen how good her older boys, who are about 2 years apart, are together, and how good my sister's kids (save for the youngest, each is 2 years younger than the one before) are...So close spacing, though it's not the norm anymore it seems, was actually desireable for me.

And I must be honest, it's worked out well. I managed to have my second baby just when my first was growing obsessed with other babies.

Maybe my Bobbie is just uncommonly sweet (which I doubt), but she has been good with Linda from Day One; she only got jealous when she had to wait to nurse. I told her all through my pregnancy that Linda was going to be her baby, and talked up being a big sister (I still do), all that. And I'm doing the same things with Linda now. Though I do feel a bit guilty this time around, since Linda isn't as far along emotionally as her sister was at this age.

You know, though...When the girls are playing together and giggling madly--NO ONE can make Linda happy like Bobbie can make Linda happy--I'm very, very glad of the spacing. Not so much when they're fighting over toys, mind you, but most of the time they play harmoniously together.

 

[hunnybumm]

Well, I think part of it may be due to the fact (I have to admit that it is a fact) that DS is weaning. He went from nursing 5 times a day, down to 2, down to 1, and he hasn't nursed in 2 days. I offer, he refuses. The only time he would nurse the past couple weeks is about 2 hours before he wakes up. The past few days he would just push away and cry when I asked if he wanted nursies, and he would point to the nightstand for his juice (I started keeping it there because he wanted something to drink before bed time and first thing in the morning). I was really hoping to tandum nurse... but that will be up to DS.

I know I didn't do anything wrong... but I look at my sweet baby when he is sleeping or playing and I think "WOW, in 6 months everything is going to completely change." and it is a bit over whelming. Especially since we don't have any family close by to help out. We were TTC for 7 months before I became pregnant, I honestly thought it would take longer than that. DS was nursing so often.

Anyways, at least I am not alone and I know that others are going through what I am going through. I know everything will work out, but I just get a bit worried at times.

 

[KoalaMommy]

I just got a bfp today. DD is 7 months old. They won't be more than 16 months apart. I feel sad for dd because I feel like she'll miss out on some of her baby time. But we knew we wanted more, so at some time she was going to have to share us with sibblings. The way I see it is better it happens earlier, before she's likely to have traumatic memories of losing her mommy to another baby. I don't think you can say any one age is the right age at which to have a second child. When handed a surprise, we just have to figure out how best to make it work for our family. Don't add guilt. Do you really want your new babe to go through life with a mom who felt guilty over their arrival?

 

[henhao]

My first question is what about the 2nd child? Do all children after the first feel slighted because a sibling was there before them and took all the love? Probably not! So you will most likely have enough love to go around.

--hh