[GradysMom]

So we are thinking about TTC late this spring. the problem for me is some guilt over disrupting our now 17mo life.<br><br>
We concieved pretty fast the first time so this time around we aren't expecting a drawn out TTC period. My husband is 50 and I'm 33 so we don't really want to put it off too much more.<br><br>
I've just noticed my feelings about having another baby waver from time to time through I'm warming up to it slowly... I feel strange about the shift it could cause for ds... We've planned to TTC this spring since just after ds was born.<br><br>
thoughts,<br>
any btdt?

 

[Still_Learning]

I'm totally right there with you. DS is 3 now and I worry so much about what it will do to him. BUT, I worry about him being an only child when he's older. So apparently I worry regardless. LOL

 

[juliav]

Well, I'm not a momma...yet. But I am the oldest child in a complicated family of 5.<br>
The sibling after me (my sister, Meryn) is 2.5 years younger than I. When we were very young we were buddies. I used to leave my room in the middle of the night and climb into her crib with her because I thought she was lonely.<br>
As we aged we developed a rivalry of sorts (as many sisters do). We argued a lot throughout our teens and now (I am 25 she will be 23 next month) we have a wonderfully supportive relationship (she's the only family member who knows we're TTC).<br>
My DP, on the other hand, is an only child. He wishes he had had siblings and I see it in his eyes when I tell stories about mine. Not that his childhood as an only child was bad in any way. I have also noticed at times, things about him that I can't help feel would be slightly different had he grown up with siblings (I realize that this may not be true of every only child and is clearly dependent upon the entirety of any given person's situation) for instance, he is not very good at working in a group, he prefers to work alone. Also he can be very demanding in a high maintenance sort of way. Clearly these little personality traits aren't anywhere near enough of a bother for me not to be head over heels in love...but I do notice them when I look.<br><br>
Anyway, just thought you might like some insight from the other end <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">

 

[*~Danielle~*]

There were 16 months between my brother and I. I'm so glad my mom had me. I think having an only child is cruel. They grow up thinking they are the center of the universe. They don't have to learn essential social skills like, sharing, compromising, putting someone else before you, etc.<br><br>
I think giving your child a sibling is a gift and another someone to love and have love you through life. Your 17 month old will enjoy having a playmate that "get's it" and that doesn't get tired of doing something over and over and over again. You will not have to be the life of the party anymore once they start interacting. Yeah, they'll fight, but yeah they will also have some great times! And when you are older, there will be atleast the 2 of them to share the burden of taking care of you...if you only have one child, once you are gone, it's just them, no other family.<br><br>
It's a no brainer to me. Have another child. Most people look back on life and wish they had more kids...not less.

 

[lee1203]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>*~Danielle~*</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10257808"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">There were 16 months between my brother and I. I'm so glad my mom had me. I think having an only child is cruel. They grow up thinking they are the center of the universe. They don't have to learn essential social skills like, sharing, compromising, putting someone else before you, etc.</div>
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This is a little harsh. Do you <i>really</i> think it's not possible for someone to learn social skills if they don't have a sibling? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
If being selfish, uncaring and uncompromising are the domain of only children, and those with siblings are the only ones properly socialized, then there are a LOT of only children running around today.

 

[elspethshimon]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>*~Danielle~*</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10257808"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">There were 16 months between my brother and I. I'm so glad my mom had me. I think having an only child is cruel. They grow up thinking they are the center of the universe. They don't have to learn essential social skills like, sharing, compromising, putting someone else before you, etc.<br></div>
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There are so many things wrong with that statement I don't know where to begin. Circumcision is cruel, crying it out is cruel, spanking is cruel. Having an only child is not. There are ways to teach those skills to any only child. Further, many individuals who are only children aren't any of those things and many who are not only children are.

 

[lee1203]

I just realized my reply didn't actually address your post, GradysMom, sorry.<br><br>
But really, I have no advice. I've heard both good and bad stories about siblings, in all combinations of number of kids, gender of kids, and time between kids. I would say that if it all feels right to YOU (and, you know, your husband <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">) then go for it. If not, wait it out a bit and maybe it will become clearer down the line.<br><br>
Honestly, I think I'd be more concerned if your thoughts didn't waver a bit. Having a(nother) kid is a life-changing decision (as you already know!) and one that shouldn't be entered into lightly. You'll be fine. Good luck!

 

[Stevi]

I think my father looks back and wishes he had less kids.<br><br>
The decision of whether or not to have more than one child must be made by the parents, for the parents. If the parents are happy with one child and think another may disrupt this, then, perhaps they are better off with only one. However, these thoughts could also be normal pre-child jitters! My advice would be to just relax and discuss this with your partner, maybe even put off TTC if you're not sure.<br><br>
But, don't worry about your existing child, most children survive the addition of siblings. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[hannybanany]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>*~Danielle~*</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10257808"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">There were 16 months between my brother and I. I'm so glad my mom had me. I think having an only child is cruel. They grow up thinking they are the center of the universe. They don't have to learn essential social skills like, sharing, compromising, putting someone else before you, etc.<br></div>
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Ouch. My best friend is an only child and has always been the most kind, generous person who always thinks of others before herself. She does way better socially and has always been less self centered than me, and I have 4 siblings.<br><br>
No matter when you have another baby it's going to disrupt and change your DS's life, all of your lives. That's what a new baby does!<br><br>
Best of luck, and I hope it happens quickly for you!