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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My H was away at a stag this weekend (he spent just last night away). I'm on his computer and was clearing the history that I used because i don't like him knowing that I come on to MDC. I noticed a MayoClinic link and was curious. It was a link about condoms and their effectiveness. Then I saw he had googled "condom protection".<br><br>
Many will remember my recent issues with him going out, etc. Cheating has never ever been a concern (although I must admit that I would almost like it to happen to have an easy 'out'). But this kind of freaks me out. I check his history regularly because I delete mine and casually look over his at the same time. But, there's never been anything there and then - boom! "condom protection". Whoa!<br><br>
He is a Home Economics teacher who teaches family management, but schoo is over so there would be no reason he would need to 'research'.<br><br>
What would you do? Am I being a little too presumptious to think anything might have happened at the stag?
 

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It may have been a conversation that ended with a disagreement. I know my dh will spend hours trying to find out what the truth is. I have found some really interesting searches.
 

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I wouldn't assume it means anything, but I might bring it up, like "Why the heck are you looking up condoms? For all your other women?" In a joking kind of way. That way you can gauge his reaction and maybe tell if it's something more.
 

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Doesn't he already know how to put one on? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy"> So if he was researching it, I might not assume it was research for himself... maybe there was some other explanation. I would google it myself, look at the search results, see what you find...
 

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So, your dh teaches about condoms at school? I'm a teacher and I research things in the summer.<br><br>
And are you sure he <i><b>googled</b></i> it, vs. just happened to click a link that looked interesting?<br><br>
And if I may ask, why don't you want him to know that you come on MDC? Are you afraid of him in some way, or just don't want him to think you're lazy or something?<br><br>
Now close your eyes (after you read the rest of my post. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> )<br><br>
Take ten deep breaths. What does your <i><b>gut</b></i> tell you? Deep down, does this feel innocent to you or not? Trust your gut.
 

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I haven't read your previous threads regarding your husband. So, I have an idea - go and read your OP in this thread and pretend you are me. Read with no preconceived notion of who that person is writing the post.<br><br>
There is so much that is <i>off</i> that I don't quite get what you're worried about. You admit that you wish he would cheat - and you admit that you have at best very little trust of each other (ie you don't want him knowing that you come to MDC).<br><br>
Why aren't you looking for a solution to perhaps save your marriage instead of looking for ways out of it? Because I don't think there is any real mystery about how to get out of a marriage.<br><br>
If you want out and you're not getting out I think that perhaps either:<br>
A) You don't really want out. Or,<br>
B) You want out but don't want to be perceived as the 'bad guy'.<br><br>
I can tell you from expeirience that it doesn't matter if you're the bad guy or not - you'll be perceived as the bad guy by some - but I can also tell you that sometimes the only alternative to 'bad guy' is 'victim' and I prefer 'bad guy'. (Relatively speaking of course.)
 

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Teachers do "do research" in the summer. It could have also been a momment that he heard something and went to the computer to clearify what he heard.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>bullfrog</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11531736"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I haven't read your previous threads regarding your husband. So, I have an idea - go and read your OP in this thread and pretend you are me. Read with no preconceived notion of who that person is writing the post.<br><br>
There is so much that is <i>off</i> that I don't quite get what you're worried about. You admit that you wish he would cheat - and you admit that you have at best very little trust of each other (ie you don't want him knowing that you come to MDC).<br><br>
Why aren't you looking for a solution to perhaps save your marriage instead of looking for ways out of it? Because I don't think there is any real mystery about how to get out of a marriage.<br><br>
If you want out and you're not getting out I think that perhaps either:<br>
A) You don't really want out. Or,<br>
B) You want out but don't want to be perceived as the 'bad guy'.<br><br>
I can tell you from expeirience that it doesn't matter if you're the bad guy or not - you'll be perceived as the bad guy by some - but I can also tell you that sometimes the only alternative to 'bad guy' is 'victim' and I prefer 'bad guy'. (Relatively speaking of course.)</div>
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I interpreted the OP similarly. I don't know the back story, but am concerned about the level of (mis)trust going on.
 

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I'd be very forth coming about it.<br><br>
I was deleting information. It may mean nothing. I may mean something. Either way I am going to make this very clear. Stag party plus condom protection needs equals a situation I will divorce you over. Just so we are clear.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thanks guys. Yes, we certainly have a lot of issues in our marriage right now.<br><br>
I asked him about it this morning. He denied that he did it and claimed he didn't know anything about it. After I persisted and explained that it was there in the history and I know I didn't do it and the kids didn't do it, so he must have, he said he was looking it up for one of his buddies who just broke up with his girlfriend and was having a lot of casual sex.<br><br>
I don't get the initial denial, but that story is good enough for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
Thanks for your input and concern.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>lilgreen</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11533105"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">.<br><br>
I don't get the initial denial, but that story is good enough for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br></div>
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That denial would be a red flag in my relationship. Keep your eyes and ears open. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>D_McG</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11533119"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">That denial would be a red flag in my relationship. Keep your eyes and ears open. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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Yes to this.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
based on all your PPs, I'm sure this isn't innocent, but do what you've gotta' do to keep yourself together. I do hope that you can start thinking about an exit plan.
 

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Denial is always a sign something is up, when the ONLY explaination cannot be denied. There could be no way it was NOT him. So denial was the instinct to protect himself.<br><br>
Particularly when followed up by some other story.<br><br>
Logically, if he didn't do it the first reaction would be CONFUSION not denial.<br><br>
I would be VERY careful. This man is lying and throwing stuff at the wall hoping something will stick.
 

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Unfortunately I agree with everyone else here. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> If it were for someone else why would he have any reason to deny it?? I believe very strongly that denial=hiding something=there may be bigger things going on.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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seriously, if the second story is true, why deny looking it up at all, and then tell a story after the fact. silly.<br><br>
if i questioned something in my DH's history (or he in mine), then we would just answer honestly. i mean, if it were innocent. i'd be more evasive if it wasn't--human nature i guess.<br><br>
so, as others have said, i'd pay attention.
 

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If you are deleting history and he is lieing to you I think you two have trust issues and that could be why he would lie.<br><br>
I think there is more going on and you are hunting for things.<br><br>
You two are both hiding stuff.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>D_McG</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11533119"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">That denial would be a red flag in my relationship. Keep your eyes and ears open. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
Oh, he totally should have instantly gone with the "I was researching for school" line. THAT would have been believable.<br><br>
But the denial and then the "buddy" story? Not so much.<br><br><br>
But.....I still don't get it. He teaches health (or something similar), so he knows how condoms work, I'm assuming. Why research them? Why not just use them?<br><br><br>
Why do you want him to have an affair so getting out would be "easy"? What's so bad about the rest of the marriage that you want out that badly? Have you two considered counseling?
 
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