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Discussion Starter #1
I sat down with hubby finally to tell him that I know this pregnancy is hard and I feel like I let my family down. He says life has just stopped dead in its tracks since I got pregnant and he was worried this would happen.<br><br>
I knew it would be hard but wasn't expecting THIS and when the foot thing happened so I can't exercise, it got even worse. I am pretty stagnant and miserable now.<br><br>
I told him that I can feel how stressed he is with having to pick up the slack in laundry, meals and housekeeping, and that it's ultimately stressing ME out which might be making me even sicker.<br><br>
He laughed and said, "So what you're telling me is, you've found a way to make this my fault." I said YES, of course! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
He is a GOOD man. He's lousy at hanging clothes, but a good man. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> And he's been stressed. Part of me wants to slap him and tell him to "man up" and the other part is crying because I didn't mean to stress him out so badly when he does so much for us.<br><br>
And yet that part about slapping him keeps coming to mind as we all have to "man up" sometimes and plow through things. I think the hubby was just having it so good lately he's spoiled and forgotten how hard things can be.<br><br>
However, it looks like the talk has helped and he's really trying to look at the brighter side and just pitch in without all the grouchy-ness. He realizes it is stressful for me too and I think he appreciates that I acknowledge my desire for another baby has sent our family way out of whack.<br><br>
But it's temporary too, and hopefully in a few weeks I will only be fatigued but not nauseated and planted on the couch 24/7. In the meantime, he may be doing all the work, but he at least still gets to go mountain biking and working out. That helps, I am sure.<br><br>
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I am having SUCH a rough time with this nausea and fatigue. I never expected it would be so bad this time. Why, I don't know. Delusional I guess. My others were worse, though after today, I don't think they were much worse! I had a terrible day!!
 

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men are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tough<br><br>
sometimes it seems liek ALL they see is how this is effecting THEM.<br><br>
I talk to DH about night time pareting with DS (who will be 2 when the baby comes) and how i can't do all for him and the baby -- and DH stares at me blankly ----- like he really doesn't see how he fits the equasion. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
glad you tried to talk it out -- it will take a lot more talk, i fear <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Aimee
 

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Sometimes it's luck and sometimes a curse, but my hubster has some amazing brain power. Once he's convinced himself of something, he does it. No stopping.<br><br>
I am hoping this is the only time I will have to lay it all out there for him. It's hard to admit I was wrong to him. I hate that! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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Yeah, but Gina, you're growing him the most amazing gift... I'm in the same spot you are with the m/s--it's hideous. When you feel like this, it's hard on everyone, but you have the hidden benefit of having others realize they have to give of themselves too. Nobody can afford to be selfish when there's a baby on the way. You're growing in number, but also heart and generosity. ((HUGS))<br><br>
BTW, I wanted to ask if you have A Child Is Born by Lennart Nielssen? There are tons of pictures from the exact stage we're at...it's great for a morale boost, both for you and for dh (if he goes for those cute in-utero pics...mine does LOL).
 

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I'm so glad you talked to him. And yeah, I hate admitting fault too...kind of hurts me inside every time <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> But it's not like you're doing it on purpose for god's sake. I'm sorry you feel so awful, hopefully you'll have some relief really soon.<br><br>
I also feel for you about the foot...I get so frustrated when I can't exercise...I have issues with my knees and my left foot which I'm working on fixing but it's slow and the knees seem like they're getting worse...AFTER the surgery. When my yoga teacher told me I couldn't come til my second tri, I knew I'd be sitting around for two months...it's the only form of exercise I can do consistently without hurting myself right now. So, ya, I'm getting fat. Screw it. I'm also tired, sick (less so now) and I'm doing the best I can. As are you.<br><br>
You can always slap him in your mind and then go on with your day <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
My husband can't hang a shirt either, and it usually takes a meltdown on my part to get him to clean up around here, but he will try, he's just been a bachelor too dang long. The long-term girlfriend he had before me may have trained him to put the toilet seat down but she was a worse slob than him. Maybe it's just gonna take some time. MEN. Though as far as faults go, I'll take clutter over dishonesty or manipulation any day...he's a wonderful man. Just wish he could do his laundry.<br><br>
I hear ya girl, it may take some more talking though. But you're on the right track. Please don't let him make you feel too guilty...you're not really doing anything wrong. You can accept that he's having to do more than he's used to but def. don't over-apologize for carrying his child, even if you are the one who wanted it. Thanks for talking about this.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">It's hard to admit I was wrong to him. I hate that!</td>
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i don't see where you let him down or how you are at fault.<br><br>
You are preggo and sometimes that means sick.<br><br>
you didn't cheat, or lie or anything.<br><br>
stop being so hard on yourself.<br><br>
ok it might not be so nice in DH's O to have to work a little harder -- but like you said he just had it tooo good before. the problem with being too nice to men, they doens't see it as a bonus they see it as entitlement and then when it can't happen any more they get pissy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> BIL is still pouty cuz sis now has two kids to take care of and can't cater to him like the first 10 years of marriage when it was just them.
 

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I'm sorry it's been so tough for you Gina. For most people, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, between 10-12 weeks, it all gets better. Thank goodness! Like others have said, you should not feel guilty. Do what you can, and forget the rest. If dh can do it, great, and if not, just try to make peace with your house being a mess. It won't last forever.<br><br>
I have been so blessed and lucky this last month. DH has hardly worked at all since he's deploying soon (seriously, he hasn't put in more than 5 hrs/week for the last 3 weeks) and all of their equipment has shipped. He's been around to baby me, do the dishes every day, feed the kids when I need him to, and help with the laundry. MIL was also here during my worst week, so I didn't have to do a thing. I'll have the rest of my pregnancy to piss and moan though, since I won't have anyone to help me out in a few more weeks, but I've been very blessed through my first trimester.
 

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I feel your pain. My house is a disaster, and until last week I hadn't cooked a real meal for the family in over a month. That is something that I usually do nightly.<br><br>
It took DH a long time to say anything, but he told me last week "It's just good that I know you will turn in to a cleaning NUT soon, huh?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
With DS, I cleaned EVERY night during my 2nd trimester. It was plain old insane.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Thanks girls, I knew you would understand and have support.<br><br>
I feel like I let him down because I swore up and down if I could have this last pregnancy I would be perfect and nothing would be as bad as the others. He and I were both delusional, LOL!<br><br>
Luckily he still seems a lot less stressed today and that's SO nice. I just love him to death and when he's stressed, it's like one of my kids... I feel it too.
 

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*hugs* I'm sorry that things are so rough for you... if it makes you feel any better, my husband's gotten to the point where he's asking his pregnant coworkers when I'll feel better again. *lol*
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>GinaRae</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7943562"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thanks girls, I knew you would understand and have support.<br><br>
I feel like I let him down because I swore up and down if I could have this last pregnancy I would be perfect and nothing would be as bad as the others. He and I were both delusional, LOL!<br><br>
Luckily he still seems a lot less stressed today and that's SO nice. I just love him to death and when he's stressed, it's like one of my kids... I feel it too.</div>
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I can so relate. We didn't plan this one at all, but when I found out, I was all "I'm just going to believe that THIS pregnancy will be different and I won't get so sick and blah blah" meanwhile, it's the worst one yet.<br><br>
We've actually had to move into my mom's apt for a while so she can help me take care of the kids...she has to work all day, but stops in at lunch and feeds my children for me. I'm pretty much parked on the couch all day. I hate to add more to my DH's already full plate, but at least he has my mom to help out too.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Luckily my kids are a bit older and are generally feeding themselves for a few weeks when hubby isn't home from work to make food. But that still doesn't remove my guilt that they're living on bagels, soup and cereal morning, noon and night!
 
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