[Phoenix~Mama]

Nope... I have not lost my mind... lol<br><br>
But I actually feel giddy this morning!!<br><br>
I had a good counseling appt. yesterday. I wasn't going to go to my Mom's house afterwards because my UAV warned me that I'd better come home last night because I was out Monday and Tuesday nights (for a chiro. appt and my brith meeting). And my counselor urged me to be more assertive and do what I want to do and start trying to break the control now.<br><br>
So I went to Mom's. I like going there because I actually get rest. My legs were swollen yesterday and I was in pain and she takes DD and plays with her and gives her dinner while I put my feet up on her recliner. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
So at 7 pm I get the call from UAV demanding to know where I was and I told him I went to Mom's for dinner. He hung up on me.<br><br>
When I got home I expected him to be gone for work already but he was just leaving and started in on me and about how inconsiderate I was to not come home so he could see me before he has to go to work. I said why should I be at home everynight when you get up 10 minutes before you have to leave for work and shovel down food while you check sports scores... that isn't spending time with me, why is it so important for me to be home?<br><br>
He said that he got up early that day to see me. Right... anyway I told him how I've been feeling really sick and going to Mom's I get the rest I need and shouldn't me getting a couple hours rest trump "seeing" me for 10 minutes?<br><br>
He told me how ignorant I am and how I make myself sick and that I wouldn't be so sick if I wasn't running around all the time and that I need to quit my birth group. (love how it always goes back to that <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> it requires 2 nights a month of my time, yeah so much running around)<br><br>
So I said that to him and he again brought up, "oh but what about the midwife picnic this saturday" I said that's supposed to be for fun and a great way to get to know our MW more. He was still grumbling and I told him he did not have to go.<br><br>
He said "you'd love that wouldn't you. I can see you don't care about me or seeing me. we aren't in a relationship at all and I can't live like this anymore."<br><br>
He yanked his wedding band off and slammed it on the table and left. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"><br><br>
In the past when he has pulled this, I got upset thinking how dare he treat me like shit and be the one to tell me he can't deal with this? And I'd get upset and figure out a way to patch things over. (WTF was wrong with me why did it take so long to jump for joy instead of being upset?)<br><br>
But anyway, his little stunt had quite the opposite reaction this time. LOL I grinned at DD and we went upstairs to cuddle to sleep. UAV tried calling and I ignored it. He then sent a text message that said "when you want to talk just let me know" I ignored it.<br><br>
I didn't speak a single word to him this morning. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> And I don't plan to.<br><br>
I am so done walking on eggshells. Done. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
I told my Mom everything, and even told her that the DV shelter was offering me space, and she said she couldn't understand that because I must know UAV would never hit me... but I told her, yes I did tell them that but everyone is in agreement that it is not a healthy environment for me and my babies.<br><br>
She is happy that UAV stormed out last night... she wants him to walk out on me instead of the other way around because her biggest fear is the custody stuff and she thinks there won't be much of a battle to get the custody I want if he leaves. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
I can't wait for my lawyer appt on Tuesday.<br><br>
I still can't stop giggling that he actually thought his little poor me stunt would work this time.<br><br>
His ring was still sitting on the table when I left this morning. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">

 

[shantimama]

Wow! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[doubledutch]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/energy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Energy"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/carrot.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="carrot"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/superhero.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hero"><br><br>
you just kicked my butt! you know why? because i was soaking in the tub last night, thinking about how, there are all these things i imagine myself doing (or not doing) once i am single. and i thought, "well, i should just live the way i want to right now," and then came up with all the reasons i "can't" until stbx moves out. but you proved that you really can, despite the tantrums, lol!<br><br>
you are amazing! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">

 

[Phoenix~Mama]

I also moved my wedding band to my right hand middle finger today. I like my wedding band as I picked it out myself and my money helped pay for it, so I plan on keeping it.<br><br>
But I feel sort of free today. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">

 

[doubledutch]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>JSMa</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15377817"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I also moved my wedding band to my right hand middle finger today. I like my wedding band as I picked it out myself and my money helped pay for it, so I plan on keeping it.<br><br>
But I feel sort of free today. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bigeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bigeyes"> weeeeeeeeeeird! i also chose and bought my own wedding band (like 10 months after we got married). and yeah, i like the way it looks, but i'm still getting rid of it. it's been sitting in my desk drawer. he hasn't even noticed. i haven't had time to bring it in to sell it but i still plan to.<br><br>
i want this:<br><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/38146874/ursula-ring-gold-filled-onyx?ref=sr_gallery_7&ga_search_query=onyx+cluster+ring&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&includes" target="_blank">http://www.etsy.com/listing/38146874...page=&includes</a>[]=tags&includes[]=title<br>
as a replacement.<br><br>
anyway, good for you!

 

[*MamaJen*]

That is awesome. Freedom happens in your mind first.<br>
I cracked up when I read his "call me when you want to talk" line. More like, call me when you're ready to grovel for my forgiveness and admit that you're worthless and wrong. Yeah right buddy.

 

[mistymama]

Yeah JSMa, I can't tell you how happy this post made me!! You have come such a very long way. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
As you continue to disengage, he will have less and less power over you. He'll get desperate and probably mean and swing back and forth between that and trying to reel you back in with his charm. But YOU are on your way to being FREE.

 

[DeerMother]

Big smiles for you! Your strength reminds me to empower myself. (working on that)

 

[Theia]

JSMa! OMG!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"> I am freaking grinning ear to ear for you and can feel some happy tears even! I'm not joking or just saying that at all. Reading this and everyone elses responses just made me feel so happy for you and everyone else too! Moving your wedding band to your other hand and not buying into his tantrum and games! If he doesn't walk out on you, and you go to the shelter, it will probably still work in your favor. The courts in my area are usually understanding that women don't choose to go into shelter just to spite their STBX's. And it will still be up to him to make effort to see your DD, sometimes given enough rope, they hang themselves. Just document, document, document when you speak, about what, and how often you provide him parenting time and how often he actually shows and for how long.<br><br>
You go Mama!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">

 

[Isamama]

You are rockin' it JSMa!!! Congratulations on the joy and freedom you are starting to experience. There is more to come!

 

[Surfacing]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mistymama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15378059"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yeah JSMa, I can't tell you how happy this post made me!! You have come such a very long way. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
As you continue to disengage, he will have less and less power over you. He'll get desperate and probably mean and swing back and forth between that and trying to reel you back in with his charm. But YOU are on your way to being FREE.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"><br><br>
When he said the relationship was over, slammed down his ring and walked out, I thought, "Quick, change the locks!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
So glad you are feeling good about things moving in this direction, and that you are feeling more confident to stick to what you want for yourself. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">

 

[kiara7]

Excellent!<br>
I'm right with you. It's very empowering, isn't it? When my h storms out, saying he'll be spending the night at his friend's house now I think "thank God!". And my ds and I go on to have a peaceful night by ourselves.

 

[Mummoth]

That's great!

 

[Phoenix~Mama]

Thank you so incredibly much everyone for your support. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I was starting to feel a little down/guilty this morning for still not saying a single word to H and this thread and all you ladies cherring me on helped immensely.<br><br>
I can't wait till I go to the lawyer on Tuesday and have the details I need to get him out so I can move on better... this sort of limbo thing right now is annoying.