[noah's mom]

Our family (me, DH, 14MO DS) just spent a week's vacation w/2 other families we are friends with. One family is pretty mainstream in their approach to parenting and the other is more "in-between" (with AP "leanings"). The "mainstream" family's DS is 15 months old and is a HUGE hair puller - so much so that if anyone is within reach he will grab their hair with a death grip, immediately and without warning. Both my DS and our other friends' DD (and a couple of the parents, including his own!) were the unfortunate recipients several times during the week.

What would you do in their situation? I haven't had to deal with this with DS and am trying to figure out GD as I go along, as DS is my first. I am at a loss as to what to tell them, but would like to be helpful. Their approach currently is to say "NO hair pulling" to the boy while they pry his fingers from the recipient, and to encourage the rest of us to essentially stay out of his way (and keep our DC out of his way). Their DS just smiles and tries again. They haven't resorted to spanking as far as I can tell, nor have they threatened to, so that's a step in the right direction.

Mamas...any experience with this?

 

[WuWei]

Here is an older thread with several links to similar toddler issues of hitting, spitting, hair pulling, kicking, etc.http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=hitting

Basically, "if you make it an issue, it becomes an issue". Providing constructive physical outlets for the pulling, pinching, hitting needs for children before age 2 is usually all that is needed. After that age, it is usually a physical outlet of frustration due to unmet needs, imo. If you would like ideas for redirecting the behavior to something more constructive, I imagine that we could think of many possibilities. If you would like ideas for identifying unmet needs, I imagine that we could think of many possibilities.

Pat

 

[RootBeerFloat]

I agree with Pat's statement that this is an expression of an unmet need. Generally, I believe that ALL undesireable behavior is the expression of an unmet need. I think that if it's not your child, it's really hard to figure out what the need it so that you can meet it, and in my experience, often I am unable to meet the needs of someone else's child if the need is specific to the parent (which is especially the case in kids this young).

I might try some "Playful Parenting" to redirect the situation. Turn it into a game. Gently tug his hair, flip him over and wrestle, do a dramatic "owwwww owie" while falling down on top of him, play chase if he comes to get you to chase him to tug his hair, whatever. My guess is that, since he's "acting out" in a physical way, he might respond to some other related physical play that helps him release whatever tension and hopefully redirects the situation into something positive. This helps him meet the need in a more pro-social, gentle way. He might want/need to play this game over and over and over and over and over until the need is met, so be prepared.

 

[slightly crunchy]

I tell my young toddler "gentle with hair" and demonstrate stroking hair. I mioght say "ouch, hurts mama" (calmly!) if he is really pulling hard. Then I look for something else that he can grab, play with, or maybe we'll start making goofy faces at each other. 15 months is such a fun age.