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An incident happened yesterday that I'm not sure I handled well for my child. Maybe you mamas can give me some advice on how you would have handled it so I have some better skills for next time ...<br><br>
My sister and her partner don't have children so I don't think they realized this was a cruel as it was: Nick (my sister's boyfriend) picked up Boo and wouldn't let her go even when she was squirming to be let down and was telling him "down" ... he kept holding her until she cried. My sister told Boo to "stop being such a drama queen" Then they both laughed which made Boo cry harder. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><br><br>
I immediatly scooped Boo up and removed her from the room but I didn't say anything to my sister or to her boyfriend and now I'm wondering if I showed Boo that I won't stand up for her when someone is making her feel uncomfortable or upset. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">: I don't want to send her the message that she has to accept others making her uncomfortable or holding her when she doesn't want to be held.<br><br>
On the other hand, I really don't think they meant to be cruel. I thought my sister knew better, but she's only around Boo 3 or 4 times a year and doesn't have any children of her own so maybe she doesn't. I'm trying to give them both the benefit of the doubt. I guess I was trying to avoid an arguement but in the process I don't think I took care of my daughter's needs. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
How can I handle things like this better in the future?
 

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An incident similar to this happened to us recently, only with a stranger - he just walked over and scooped up my child!!!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"> She of course stared at him and then cried.<br><br>
I politely said "She is a small person with real desires and I believe in respecting her rights - which include personal space. Would you walk over and hug me?" He apologized. But I would say the same thing to my sister. Would they like to be pinned down until they cried? I think not.
 

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Ugh. I have this issue too. My brother does this to M constantly and it makes me crazy. She's yelling, "uncle rick, let me down, put me down please." He tells her he won't let her down until she kisses him. Well I've raised her to know that she doesn't have to kiss anyone she doesn't want to kiss, including me if that's how she feels. Occasionally she does say that she isn't ready to give me lovies and that's okay. But he doesn't get it. I've told him to put her down, I've told him to leave her alone. He just doesn't seem to understand and if he does, he totally ignores me. I love my brother but I dread when he comes over because he does this. I mean, she's supposed to love her Uncle and she does but NOBODY does that to my daughter.<br>
Just some sympathy. Sorry I have no advice.<br>
Meg<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">:
 

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Maybe it might be better to speak with your sister and her partner now that the incident has passed.<br>
You could maybe bring it up in casual conversation, leaving her DP out of it for the moment. You could explain, very simply, that it upsets you to see your DD upset. It's also difficult to teach a child that it's 'o.k' for some people to restrain her against her will but not for others. This is very confusing for a small child. She may not even remember the incident, but it may help to *calmly* ask how she would feel if she was restrained against her will, called a 'drama queen' and then laughed at. Depending on the nature of your sister, this may give her some perspective. It's important not to be confrontational, defensive or angry, just calmly express your feelings.<br><br>
The key is 'picking your battles'. Obviously, this incident was distressing both to you and your Boo so, perhaps this is worth persuing?<br><br>
Good luck to you mama. (and to your Boo <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">)
 
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