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Hi, I've been feeling burned out lately. Can anyone relate? My daughter is turning two next week. It seems whenever I try to get ANYTHING done -- she objects. My house is a mess. Our life has been very tough as her father has been ill -- lost his eye, teeth and half his face -- is always in pain from the consequences of getting a rare form of cancer when she was 3 months old. I try to think positive -- his Aunt just died from cancer -- so he is angry and so am I often. His cancer tends to come back and kill. He is not interested in changing his life. He does not understand why I try to do "natural" things.

I'd love to be able to exercise but my daughter will not let me put her in the stroller anymore.

I feel so alone.

I love my daughter, but it's hard taking care of her 24/7 and only having a moment to myself when I need to be sleeping! I can't even get a good's night rest between my husband snoring and my daughter kicking me in bed!

Lately she is having tantrums. I don't know how to handle it. The other day I yelled at her for the first time. I apologized later for yelling at her. Today I threw her sippy cup at the wall after a day of her father criticizing my parenting. He also was moody as he was sick and tired again. My daughter was scared and acting out all evening. I felt so terrible.

Help -- any ideas? Do any of you have husband's who criticize you? Who will not open up to you? Anyone else feel burned out? What do you do? How do you talk to a 2 year old? How do you balance your needs with theirs?
 

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I just wanted to say I sympathize with what you are going through -- it must be very very rough, what with your husband's illness and everything else.

The only thing I can think of is possibly getting some part-time help for childcare. Perhaps a family-member/ friend/ neighborhood teenager to watch your daughter for a couple of hours each day or even every other day, so you can recharge your batteries?

My daughter also went through a phase where she didn't want to sit in her stroller... My interpretation was that she didn't like going for walks in our very suburban neighborhood --- there isn't much to see except lawns and lawnmowers!! At this age they really seem to have a lot of energy and need outlets. If you can take her to a playground perhaps you could even catch a short work-out while she is playing??

Could you try a different sleeping arrangement? We cosleep but it does get cramped on our queen-size mattress so we have moved DD to a small twin-size on the floor next to us. She really seems to like it, and it's close enough that I can just get in next to her when she wants to be nursed. Or altneratively, perhaps you and DD could move to another bed where there is more room for her to kick around...

I am sure other mamas here will have some good ideas for you.
Good luck with everything.
 

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I've got a two year old as well. I know how difficult it is to deal with those tantrums, even in the best of circumstances. One thing that I found to be really important, is that I get a weekly break.

For me, this means my dh takes the kids out to a park or playground on Saturday afternoon. He used to do this regularly, but somehow, we got sidetracked and stopped doing it. Well, I was getting really stressed and not being as calm and patient as I try to be. So, we are back in the habit of making sure I get some alone time for a few hours every week. And, it makes such a huge difference for me.

It is one thing when the kids are sleeping and you have time to yourself, but you are still "on-gaurd", ready to jump up and take care of whatever needs to be done at the slightest noise. It's another to have an empty house where you can let your gaurd down, not even have to listen for noises.

It sounds like dh taking your dd out isn't an option for you though. Maybe you could hire a sitter for a few hours a week and get out of the house yourself - go for a long walk, to the movies, or a bookstore, etc.

As far as excercising goes, my oldest would never sit in a stroller when he was a toddler, so we had a baby backpack for awhile (until he got too big for it). I would also do bits and pieces of exercise videos when he napped.

And, yes, I do feel burned out sometimes. The breaks definitely help with that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
It's good to see I am not alone. You are both right! I was just telling my husband how it makes all the difference when he is able to be with our dd for just 10 min. in the morning for me to lie alone and take a few deep breaths!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mb722toddler
Hi, I've been feeling burned out lately. Can anyone relate? My daughter is turning two next week. It seems whenever I try to get ANYTHING done -- she objects. My house is a mess. Our life has been very tough as her father has been ill -- lost his eye, teeth and half his face -- is always in pain from the consequences of getting a rare form of cancer when she was 3 months old. I try to think positive -- his Aunt just died from cancer -- so he is angry and so am I often. His cancer tends to come back and kill. He is not interested in changing his life. He does not understand why I try to do "natural" things.
Wow! This sounds much harder than I can imagine. Your husband's illness must be very frightening and depressing for him to worry about supporting his family, his health, your family's future, work, etc. I can't imagine how scary it must be for you too.
There is a thread called "Parenting and Rage" and it has a lot of support for mamas with very stress filled lives. http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=394579

I think it is hard and I have a very supportive and involved husband. Two year old is hard when they really want to explore and go go go go go go go go go go go gog og ogogo g g ogogogog! It has helped me to try to involve our son in the activities that I am trying to accomplish, rather than get him to "let me get things done". For instance, with laundry or dishes he can hold, pick up, put things places, "helping" (even where I don't want them). And at least he isn't elsewhere redistributing something else! Getting out of the house helps to expend that energy too. And me napping when ds naps, helps me to have more energy for when he is awake. If I try to work while he is napping, I just feel more tired when he wakes up seemingly interrupting whatever I was trying to do. Not a happy dynamic for us to re-connect. Instead, I just postponed, delegated and eliminated as much housework as possible. I rearranged so that we had a couple of areas that were easy to pick up (minimal objects in room) so that there was someplace that felt restful in our home. We keep toys out of the kitchen and out of the living room and contained in a room with walls and a door, so that I don't have to see the clutter which just overwhelms me when I am tired. The Fly Lady helps me about keeping the kitchen counters and sink clean. Somehow that really does make my whole life feel more settled and less overwhelming.

Quote:
I'd love to be able to exercise but my daughter will not let me put her in the stroller anymore.
You might try playing 'chase a ball' at a ball field. You could kick it and both chase it. You both get some exercise at the same time. Yoga for kids is another idea. Or taking her to a park with bike paths with her tricycle and you keep up. Personally, although I know that exercise gives me energy, I didn't have the energy to exercise. I know it helps though.

Quote:
I feel so alone.

I love my daughter, but it's hard taking care of her 24/7 and only having a moment to myself when I need to be sleeping! I can't even get a good's night rest between my husband snoring and my daughter kicking me in bed!
I am sad that you are feeling so alone. We are all in this together if that helps. We really are not meant to mother alone. I believe it is unnatural. We have a king size bed next to a twin, so that we all have enough room. Ds does still kick and move around a lot in bed. We did find that dairy, wheat and caffeine cause ds to be more restless at night. Me too. Getting enough Vitamin C and Magnesium seem to help our sleep. Magnesium is important for depression too. There is a lot of info in the PPD thread about nutrition: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=195601 I didn't realize how depleted my nutrition had been with pregnancy, nursing and the stress of adding a baby's needs to my demands.

Quote:
Lately she is having tantrums. I don't know how to handle it. The other day I yelled at her for the first time. I apologized later for yelling at her. Today I threw her sippy cup at the wall after a day of her father criticizing my parenting. He also was moody as he was sick and tired again. My daughter was scared and acting out all evening. I felt so terrible.

Help -- any ideas? Do any of you have husband's who criticize you? Who will not open up to you? Anyone else feel burned out? What do you do? How do you talk to a 2 year old? How do you balance your needs with theirs?
Connecting has to be hard for him when he feels that he might die and lose you all. It is sometimes easier for people to disconnect emotionally instead of opening themselves up for that vulnerability. I talk to our son the same way I do anyone else, with as much understanding of their perspective as I can manage, and that varies depending on how heard I feel. You might try journaling or keep posting here so we know how you are doing. We do care. Hearing myself talk through what is happening helps to give me perspective and figure things out. You also might write your husband a love letter expressing how you would like to feel more connected to him. It might be easier for both of you to "discuss" the seriousness of his illness without the emotionality of actually talking about your fears. It is so hard to have a conversation with a two year old present anyway. Seeking to connect with your husband might help you not to feel so alone also, if he is open to you sharing your fears with him.

I'll be thinking of you.

Pat
 
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