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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Seriously, this drives me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/censored.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="censored"> insane. I cannot even describe to you how incensed I get when dh hangs up on me. It's so... oh jeez, let me get my dictionary: rude, petty, obnoxious, INFANTILE, annoying, juvenile, offensive.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
Sorry you're dealing with this.<br><br>
I think hanging up can sometimes be a good thing--it depends on why he's hanging up, and in what context.<br><br>
My partner sometimes hangs up on his ex-wife, when the alternative would be worse (blowing up, sometimes yelling in front of their daughter). He has a temper, sometimes has a hard time controlling it (he had a brain injury several years ago that forced him to re-learn how to control his anger), and for him, hanging up to calm down is the verbal equivalent of walking out of a room and counting to 100, rather than letting an argument degenerate into screaming or throwing things. He'll wait a few minutes, calm down, and call back, and usually their conversations are much more productive.<br><br>
Then again, if your partner is doing this in a passive-aggressive manner, or truly to avoid things, then yeah.
 

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Ugh. My dh will do this to me on occasion and it drives me nuts.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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I have done this...when i am about to lose my cool and dh won't stop fighting when i ask him to stop, or if i'm going to say something i don't want to , i 'll hang up. I don't like fighting over the phone.
 

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Grrrrrrrrr.... I feel for you, mama. That is the worst. Especially when there are other people in the room and you're like "Oh, okay... bye!" to the dial tone! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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This is one of those "fighting rules". You just NEVER hang up on your life partner. *HUGS*<br><br>
Did he at least apologized?
 

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Dh and I hang up on each other on rare occasions. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
It's a shortcut to saying, "I really can't talk to you right now." We understand.
 

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I hang up on DH when I get so heated that I can't even get out what's running through my head. I know it seems childish but, it sure does get the point across that I just can't express what I want to.
 

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I hang up before I say really bad awful stuff. We don't do name calling or tear each other up, and I am trying to not break the seal on that pact. If I can't continue the conversation rationally and respectfully, I hang up.<br><br>
I also sometimes (rarely, a few times per year) call him at work, shriek something intelligible into the phone, and hang up. (such as, "I (censored) QUIT!")<br><br>
Oh, and after I hang up, I occasionally call back after I cool off. He used to call right back and leave a message, but now just rides it out and lets me get back to him.<br><br>
I actually haven't done either of these things in a while. I am also driving slower. Maybe after 4 years of SAH I am finally chilling out a little.<br><br>
Anyway, back to OP: How do you feel about talking to him about it face to face and finding out what is behind the hang ups? Maybe he is too mad to talk or he thinks the phone conversation is over. Maybe he doesn't know how much it bothers you.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>dflanag2</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11635014"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I hang up before I say really bad awful stuff. We don't do name calling or tear each other up, and I am trying to not break the seal on that pact. If I can't continue the conversation rationally and respectfully, I hang up.<br><br>
I also sometimes (rarely, a few times per year) call him at work, shriek something intelligible into the phone, and hang up. (such as, "I (censored) QUIT!")<br><br>
Oh, and after I hang up, I occasionally call back after I cool off. He used to call right back and leave a message, but now just rides it out and lets me get back to him.<br><br>
I actually haven't done either of these things in a while. I am also driving slower. Maybe after 4 years of SAH I am finally chilling out a little.<br><br>
Anyway, back to OP: How do you feel about talking to him about it face to face and finding out what is behind the hang ups? Maybe he is too mad to talk or he thinks the phone conversation is over. Maybe he doesn't know how much it bothers you.</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MrsMiller</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11634851"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I hang up on DH when I get so heated that I can't even get out what's running through my head. I know it seems childish but, it sure does get the point across that I just can't express what I want to.</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>nolansmummy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11633123"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have done this...when i am about to lose my cool and dh won't stop fighting when i ask him to stop, or if i'm going to say something i don't want to , i 'll hang up. I don't like fighting over the phone.</div>
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same here. We understand though. Sometimes we know that cutting the communication is better than letting it escalate over the phone.
 

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Well, my hyper-sensitive dh does it anytime he thinks he is being criticized.<br><br>
Which is, apparently, every time I open my mouth <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
I realize there are no saints and no sinners, but he's not hanging up because we're arguing and he needs to cool off -- he hangs up when he doesn't like what I'm saying. Which I find really obnoxious. We're partners, we have four kids, I deserve to be able to speak my mind without being tuned out or freakin' hung up on. SO obnoxious.
 

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i'm not sure where i stand on the hanging up thing ... dh has done this to me on occasion when he's angry at me and i flippin hate it. it's not like he couldn't say first i'm so angry/upset i need to hang up the phone because i can't talk right now. i'm not one to fight unfair and so it's not like i'm even giving him a hard time when he does it.<br><br>
anyway i think you are entitled to how you feel and it might be a good idea to tell your dh.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>DoomaYula</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11636522"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well, my hyper-sensitive dh does it anytime he thinks he is being criticized.<br><br>
Which is, apparently, every time I open my mouth <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
I realize there are no saints and no sinners, but he's not hanging up because we're arguing and he needs to cool off -- he hangs up when he doesn't like what I'm saying. Which I find really obnoxious. We're partners, we have four kids, I deserve to be able to speak my mind without being tuned out or freakin' hung up on. SO obnoxious.</div>
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Does he respond better in person? You could just avoid airing grievances on the phone. Or try telling him something like, "When you hang up on me, I feel frustrated and disrespected. Will you please tell me when you need to discuss something later and we'll schedule a time to talk about the issue, rather than just hanging up?" When you..., I feel... I want you to... is a really helpful formula if you're having communication issues.
 

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I hang up (or hung up, I guess I should say, since we are now separated) when STBX DH would say certain things to me that I just did not want to discuss. Like rehashing the same arguments over and over and over and over, I really felt like "If you bring this up, the conversation is over because I'm tired of defending myself about the same thing over and over and over and over." So I'd put an end to the conversation by hanging up.
 

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I hate when my husband does this. Oh my god. I want to hurt him and punch him in the nose (said like a true 5 year old) and then I remember IM THE GROWN UP (and call him back incessantly)<br><br>
Ok really.. I hate it and he is doing better with it. I think a lot of times he is just at the end of his frustration tolerance for whatever it is - and he needs an out so he creates one - or he would rather tell me in not so polite ways so he hangs up.
 

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DH *hates* being hung up on, and I find it stupid but it just doesn't bug me that much. Well, I hung up on him ONCE, and he very quickly explained to me that this is practically a deal-breaker for him, so we've compromised: I can just interrupt him (or talk over him) to say, "I'm not talking about this anymore. Love you, talk to you later, bye." *click*<br><br>
That way I DO at least say goodbye, I DO remind both of us that I still love him even when he drives me apesheit, and I still get to hang up like a cranky adolescent. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blush">
 

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Honestly when DH starts saying things to me that I know is going to upset me or yelling rather than listen to his crap I hang up the phone to maintain my good mood. by the time he gets home the argument is avoided and we can actually talk.
 

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My dh has done that to me before. It irks me like NO other. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: However, I try to be patient with him because he does have depression and anger issues which he tries very hard to deal with properly.
 

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DH and I have hung up on each other before.<br><br>
It is a way of saying, "I am in control of myself. I don't have to listen to this."<br><br>
And you know what? We don't have to listen to something we don't want to. If the other person wants to talk about a subject, the onus is on them to present the subject mater in a palatable way.<br><br>
I think hanging up should always be on the table as an option. It's a way to assert boundaries. I think each partner should be able to hang up whenever they feel like it.<br><br>
If he is feeling hurt/attacked by you that often, then there are much more serious issues here than just the hanging up thing. I know it's aggravating because it's a reminder that you can't control him (I have the tendency to want ot be controlling too so I understand that annoyance). But I would let the hanging-up thing go and work on nurturing the trust and emotional intimacy in your marriage.<br><br>
I bet he's stressed out about the house-selling situation. That would stress anyone out, right? When things in life are most out-of-control, people are most likely to assert control through methods like refusing to talk about things they don't want to talk about. They just don't have the energy for it during stressful times. I say cut him some slack in this.
 
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