Joined
·
6 Posts
August 9th, 2006
12 years old. As I sit here in the semi dark room I stare at the mantel and wish that I could go get a meaningful hug from the container of ashes lit by the tiny candle. I want the birthday cake breakfast and her smiles.
I just send DH out the door for work and watched him as he walked away. He stopped to look back to see if I was still there and picked a single rose from our bush and tucked it in his pocket. I wonder if anyone in his office knows what today is. Or if the rose will tip them off. I hoped and prayed all last night, please please please let my water break so he doesn't have to go in to work today. I hope he's ok.
Xan doesn't know what today is because he's still to young to have a concept of birthdays or holidays. Today will be anyother day to him. Maybe a visit with his Nana, or a walk to the park.. Or maybe even the day his little brother gets to meet him for the first time.
Me, I desperatly want to be planning a birthday party. I want to make her favorite meal even tho she didn't have one. I want to play and give pink girly frilly crap to her like I have for so many years because pink made her smile. I just want to hug and snuggle on her. I want to see that smile just one more time. I want her to look into my eyes one more time so I can see that even tho she could never speak that she loved us.
So heres to my birthday girl, mommy misses you so much and I'm always thinking about you..
12 years old. As I sit here in the semi dark room I stare at the mantel and wish that I could go get a meaningful hug from the container of ashes lit by the tiny candle. I want the birthday cake breakfast and her smiles.
I just send DH out the door for work and watched him as he walked away. He stopped to look back to see if I was still there and picked a single rose from our bush and tucked it in his pocket. I wonder if anyone in his office knows what today is. Or if the rose will tip them off. I hoped and prayed all last night, please please please let my water break so he doesn't have to go in to work today. I hope he's ok.
Xan doesn't know what today is because he's still to young to have a concept of birthdays or holidays. Today will be anyother day to him. Maybe a visit with his Nana, or a walk to the park.. Or maybe even the day his little brother gets to meet him for the first time.
Me, I desperatly want to be planning a birthday party. I want to make her favorite meal even tho she didn't have one. I want to play and give pink girly frilly crap to her like I have for so many years because pink made her smile. I just want to hug and snuggle on her. I want to see that smile just one more time. I want her to look into my eyes one more time so I can see that even tho she could never speak that she loved us.
So heres to my birthday girl, mommy misses you so much and I'm always thinking about you..
