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Discussion Starter #1
I didn't know I was pregnant until I had already miscarried. I feel like this loss is almost harder than my 11 week loss, where I got to love the dream, love the baby growing in my for a good month, and than had about two weeks of knowing that I was going to lose it, a painful time, but I was able to prepare for the miscarriage. This feels like it never even happened. But it did, and it's wrecking me. I never anticipated the horrible feelings that I felt on Mother's Day...the tears were just endless...just venting here, knowing that you ladies are the only ones that could possibly understand.
 

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I so completely and totally understand. The day I had my mc last August I had only barely convinced myself that I was pregnant. I was already bleeding and cramping by the time I even tested. My positive test and my mc were on the same day.<br><br>
The saddest part for me was that I had never wanted a baby. But there was a difference in my mind between wanting 'a' baby and wanting 'this' baby. Once there was an actual baby (and I somehow knew I was pregnant for almost 2 weeks before the test confirmed it) I was beginning to get excited about the prospect. And just as soon as I was sure there was such a promise in my future, it was gone from me.<br><br>
There are different hardships depending on when in pregnancy the loss occurs; I said in another thread it's like walking different paths through the same hell.<br><br>
I am so sorry for your loss and I want you to know you're not alone in feeling robbed of a pregnancy in addition to being robbed of your baby.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
-MQ
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I empathize, my first loss was ectopic and I had no idea I was pregnant until I was in the ER with a ruptured tube. I had a hard time dealing because I nearly died from the rupture and so that totally overshadowed the fact that i had lost a baby.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
thanks ladies. And I too didn't want "another baby", but oh so badly would have wanted "this baby". Who wouldn't? They are a part of you.
 

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oh, i am so so sorry for your loss. That is so painful, and I really resonate with what you are saying. MQ said it so well, above, but it really is true: there are so many kinds of losses, all of them horrible and unfortunate and painful, and all with their own unique aspects that make them hard. It is hard to have met your baby; it is hard to have not gotten that chance. It is hard if it is early because you had so little time, yet it is hard if it is a late loss because you had so <i>much</i> time. And for you.. to have not had the opportunity to experience that joy and excitement of knowing you are pregnant.. so hard. My heart goes out to you.<br><br>
Hugs to you, mama.
 

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I just wanted to add that I totally "get" wanting "that" baby.<br><br>
Mothers day was incredibly hard. I cried a few hours the day before, and then the day of I cried again all morning long. I felt like I was mourning all over again.<br><br>
I also just found out I'm pegnant again....today I got a BFP. I'm happy, yes, but I can't help but remember where I would have been (17 weeks) and that I would almost be halfway to meeting my new little bundle. It's hard...and I'm experiencing issues wanting my "other" baby....while pregnant with "this" one.<br><br>
It's such a roller coaster isn't it, mamas? *hugs to you all*
 

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P.S. Lovebeingamama....<br><br>
I tried sending you a PM but it said you have chosen not to receive them or something? Maybe your box is full?<br><br>
Anyway....I feel silly..but I'm just gonna post the message here for you and if you want you can PM me!!<br><br>
"Hi there! Sorry I haven't responded to you in so long! I have been MIA and been away from mothering for a while. I think I just needed a break and didn't want to be reminded about everything, y'know?<br><br>
I just found out I'm pregnant..as of today. I am nervous nervous nervous...but trying to be positive. I posted on a thread you had posted about...and I had said how I am now struggling with still wanting the baby I lost....even though I now have a new baby growing inside of me. It's such a weird emotion.<br><br>
How are you doing? I saw Mothers day was hard for you as well. It was terribly painful for me. I never expected to feel the way I felt..but man o man was it hard. I just cried and cried. I kept thinking that I should be growing a life inside of me...not knowing that I actually was.<br><br>
Anyway, that is what is going on in my neck of the woods. How are you doing? Are you TTC now or still just not really preventing?<br><br>
*hugs*<br><br>
Thinking of you!!<br><br>
Tara"<br><br>
I hope you're doing well!!!!
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Tara I'm sorry I haven't been on here, yes I changed my settings so I would not receive msg's for other reasons, msg's from you are always welcome! I commented on another thread I saw, I am just so sorry for your second loss mama <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I'm on this board today because my grief is still so strong, I've had two friends get pregnant in the last month, and it's killing me. I'm happy for them, but so sad for me. We are not trying at the moment, but I'm still hoping God might surprise us. The grief only compounds with each one as I'm sure you're experiencing right now. You are going to be in my prayers, prayers for a healthy full-term baby that you will be able to hold and cherish and watch grow up into a beautiful person. If you want to send anything private feel free to email me: <a href="mailto:[email protected]">[email protected]</a>.
 
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