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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>I get along well with my parents.  They are good people and know how to keep good fences between neighbors -- and family.<br><br>
We are talking about a lot of possibilities for the future.  My dad is totally hyped about the idea of buying property where we can rent from him and he and my mom can also retire.  They currently live 2 hours from us but have fallen in love with the area where we live.</p>
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We have talked about property with significant acreage, with an existing house on it for me and the kids, and a building site where they could put a retirement bungalow when they are ready.  They currently live in a paid-off house and they have jobs where they live and they're not quite ready to move, but it would happen within a year or two of buying the property, I'm sure.</p>
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<p>So my question:  Do you have experience sharing a duplex (or an in-law apartment in your home) with parents whom you get along with well (or did to begin with, anyway)?<br><br>
What was your experience like?<br><br>
A couple of properties have come up recently that have duplex potential, one which we nixed, and one which has us intrigued.  It's a huge old house - 6 bedrooms and 4 full baths! - and though we haven't seen the inside except through the windows, it obviously has potential.  It's an 1850s house with an ell attached to a small barn/garage.  The ell has a sitting room, an eat-in kitchen, and a dining room, and appears to have a large bedroom above it.  The main house has an L-shaped living room and a bedroom and stairs, and the upstairs likely has four rooms though we haven't been inside.  Hopefully we are viewing it this weekend.<br><br>
I could totally see us turning the dining room into a second kitchen for the "big family" (mine) and having the ell (with existing kitchen) be walled off as its own three-room or four-room apartment with separate entrance.<br><br>
This is in line with what my parents want, though we are all very private people and I'm wondering if "sharing walls" will be hard.  I lived in a townhouse condo for four years and had a hard time with the feeling of "people always on the other side of the walls," though they weren't my family.<br><br>
I love my parents dearly, they are socially and emotionally self-sufficient, they would be awesome neighbors, and to have my kids live with extended family would be an incredible boon given our situation.<br><br>
I'm committing to staying there with the kids at least until the youngest turns 18, and perhaps for life.  I love the area and plan to stay local no matter what.  I also am a person who puts down deep roots and doesn't want to ever move.  I am committing (to myself and my kids) to not consider marrying or merging households with a new partner until after the kids move out.  It wouldn't be the right thing for many people, but it makes sense for me, and I'm looking forward to my decade as an independent, single woman.  It's like a gift to myself after this long, failed marriage.<br><br>
(And that said, having my handy dad around would be a HUGELY awesome thing.  I don't really want to do everything myself.  I'm not needy in that way, but just very relieved at the idea of having an on-site born handyman.)<br><br>
The location of this property is to die for.  Awesome.  More awesome than I could possibly have concocted.  Don't know why I didn't think of it.  It is rural, but 3.5 miles to town and 3 miles to church and general store.  Between 2.5 and 4.3 miles to our few dearest friends (all in diverse directions), the food co-op, the library, the music school.  One word:  BICYCLE.  Road is town-maintained AND paved (rare here) but not busy.  Good hiking trails in walking distance.  And (dare I hope?) there is the possibility of blazing a shortcut trail over to our good friends on the other side of the woods (kind of a "cain't get theyah from heeyah" kind of situation, but only by road...) for hiking, mtn biking, cross-country skiing!! OMG, I am dying with joy just thinking about it.  The 7 different friends we would be "near" (2.5-4.5 miles from) are my dearest friends, my lifelines, my primary support people.<br><br>
The property is gorgeous, I can tell even in winter.  Beautiful free-standing medium-sized barn built right over a stream.  Pond that looks to be completely private in summer (with leaves) and nearly as private in winter -- skating and swimming.  Flat pastures, stone walls, stream with what looks like two foot bridges.  Stone patio, awesome roof (slate and standing seam).  Looks like maybe no woodlot?  But there is plenty of undeveloped land in the neighborhood.  The road itself is very sweet, lots of adorable old houses, barns, twists and turns.  One half of the road is paved, one half is dirt.  Best of both worlds.  It's the only route from "here" to "there" that didn't get washed out during Hurricane Irene.  Tried and true.<br><br>
Also, mountain view from the kitchen window.  Eastern/southern exposure.  :faint:  Large cleared yard.<br><br>
Love, love, love!<br><br>
But...sharing walls with my parents?  Who, as I said, I love very much and who keep good boundaries...but still...my mom and I would have a lot of growing to do together, even though we get along well.  Eventually they would age and I'd be there to help them out, and that would benefit them then.  Right now I could use some help with co-parenting and sharing house and yard work, and I would get that benefit now.<br><br>
Time will tell.  I have this bad habit of falling head-over-heels in love with housing possibilities before I know all the details.  It's like a mad crush.<br><br>
Okay, wanna see?  <a href="http://www.nneren.com" target="_blank">http://www.nneren.com</a> (remove space and these extra words) /listing_detail.html?id=4118316&return=1  <br><br>
MLS #4118316.<br><br>
Yes, I know, the price...OMG.  But my dad was the one who brought the property to my attention and it's reasonably close to his target range; he'd be the buyer (with my mom, who defers to him on these matters); I'd be the renter, but he's framing this search and decision as a co-project.</p>
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<p>Yes, I know I am unbelievably lucky.  We all have our trials and triumphs, and this is clearly one of my blessings.</p>
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I could use some BTDTs if anyone has any, or maybe cautionary tales, or maybe words of encouragement, or maybe you just want to gush with me?</p>
 

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<p>Well, I have lived with my parents for the past 2 years, since my split from my XH. It was to be a temporary situation at first, and then it evolved into something more permanent. We had initially planned on buying a duplex and sharing it, but the housing market here sky-rocketed and then we elected to stay in the house we are in now, but to renovate it to our liking.</p>
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<p>Having seen the property you are referring to (and YES, it's AWESOME!!), I think your plan is very do-able and could be beneficial for everyone involved if you set down ground rules beforehand. Obviously the financial stuff should be figured out beforehand, and I would probably sign an official rental agreement to lay down the terms. I would also clearly write down (and make sure all parties agree) the rules pertaining to in-house behaviour, especially pertaining to their involvement in your child rearing. You don't want certain issues to pop up later with your parents thinking they are helping you when they are in fact getting in the way.</p>
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<p>Aside from that, if everyone is happy, I say go for it~</p>
 

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<p>Wow - that is a gorgeous house and property!  And I can't believe the price.. A house/property like that where I live would easily be over a million.  I think your plan sounds like a good idea.  My mom was house hunting last year and I tried to encourage her to get a duplex type place so I could rent from her but she wouldn't go for it.  So I say you are lucky and the pros definitely outweigh any cons that might come up!</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<p>LOL - to us that seems a fortune to pay, and it's a bit higher than what my dad is thinking.  Thanks for putting it into perspective.<br>
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<p>We could spend the spring or all year looking at what comes on the market, or we could snap this one up (if the house proves to be sound and convertible to a duplex).  It will ultimately be up to my dad, of course.  I hope the house proves worthy.  The location is so awesome, I just don't see that kind of convenience coming up again on the market, even in spring when most people put their houses up for sale.</p>
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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Everrgreen</strong> <a href="/community/t/1343753/has-anyone-here-shared-a-duplex-or-in-law-apt-with-family-parents-or-in-laws#post_16855731"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><p>Wow - that is a gorgeous house and property!  And I can't believe the price.. A house/property like that where I live would easily be over a million.  I think your plan sounds like a good idea.  My mom was house hunting last year and I tried to encourage her to get a duplex type place so I could rent from her but she wouldn't go for it.  So I say you are lucky and the pros definitely outweigh any cons that might come up!</p>
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
<p>arrrrghhhh...dangit.  The listing *just* shifted to "contingent status" which I believe means they have an offer on it.  Dang dang dang.</p>
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<p>And here goes the rollercoaster, up and down.  I really do not need a housing rollercoaster in addition to a divorce rollercoaster.  What am I thinking?!?</p>
 

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<p>Aw I hear you on the rollercoaster.  But wow that house and property ARE amazing. I say buy it and when the kids move out, turn it into a bed and breakfast. Soooooo pretty. I would love to vacation somewhere like that.</p>
 

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<p>ok, I am SO swooning over that house!! (and, to put it in perspective, THIS is about the average of what $400K will get you in my city - <a href="http://www.homes.com/listing/145385226/2709_W_102nd_St_INGLEWOOD_CA_90303" target="_blank">http://www.homes.com/listing/145385226/2709_W_102nd_St_INGLEWOOD_CA_90303</a>)</p>
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<p>I can't speak to sharing walls with family but my parents and sister live in the next block and I really love it. Having my handy dad right there is great and he walks his dogs past our house several times a week. It's really been great to get to know my dad as an adult, like a neighbor =) My homeschooled kids spend one day a week where my mom takes them to the library and back to their house to help with projects, do schoolwork or to play and then they can walk home. It might be a little much for me to share a property with them but they don't have great boundaries and I feel healthier with some physical distance between us =) However, if we had 8 acres to spread out on, I'd be all for it. I think there's about 3 acres between our houses now (each of our lots is only about 1/5th of an acre)</p>
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