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The reason I ask this is a couple people feel that Im clinically depressed.I often am in a low mood and irritable,unmotivated ect,however I have noticed the more I grow and work on myself,journal ect,the more I feel these feelings.I started getting grumpy 3 years ago while doing the Artist Way.As I work on my few books and as I recognize how Id like to live,what I would like to manifest ,I notice lots of periods of feeling irritable,wanting to be alone,hybernate.I have viewed this as me growing,Adjusting,changing.Dont many feel the need for extra space during these periods and doesnt feelings like this come up?I thought this would be the most appropriate forum because I notice it is in relation to me wanting to be my best self and do my lifes work.Im assuming when you start to take inventory of your life experience and put your finger on things that havent worked,notice patterns one would feel quite in a low mood so im assuming these feelings are part of the journey however I notice people questioning why I often am in a bad mood and "want to be left alone".I have felt perhaps too that because Im a mother,a performer,have all kinds of daily responsabilities and Im trying to create space for my healing work that perhaps I feel overwhelmed about "putting it all together".I do have the tendancy to take on many ideas and try different things (for example,Im studying NVC so I can communicate well,Meditating in the mornings,analysing my dreams,working with the law of attraction,trying to come from a zen place ect ect) that perhaps these things Im passionate about is also creating a frustration in me,an impatience. I notice I will be grumpy with chores and errands and then feel exited and eager once I do one of my "practices" or read one of my books.Anyway i was wondering if Im correct in assuming that we go thru stuff as we heal and that its natural to feel what some may call depression.<br>
Feedback apreciated,TIA<br>
Esther
 

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I think often when we feel the need to change or look at our lives, it comes from a place of feeling dissatisfied or unhappy with the way things exist right now. Also, in a process of going inward and looking within, it is common to find oneself being more quiet, thoughtful, and sometimes removed more from others.<br><br>
When we are looking at things we no longer like in ourselves and *know* we want to change, but as of yet, have not figured out *how* we are going to change, sometimes it can bring up a wide range of emotions.<br><br>
I know personally, I have high standards for myself and in the past, I've been a bit hard on myself through my growth. Like, "geez, I know better, so why did I still do that?"<br><br>
Personal growth is a journey. I think at the beginning it is more likely to go through some wider ups and downs, but as you start to really move forward, I think you'll find there is less variance in those feelings.<br><br>
You said others are concerned. If *you* are concerned, I'd definitely seek some professional help.
 

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I'd <i>like</i> to blame it on that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
I think it's very possible. Change isn't easy, and a lot of us bury unpleasant stuff because we don't want to deal with it.
 

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Dear Esther,<br><br>
I read your post with interest. You remind me a lot of my husband from your brief explanation of what you are going through. One thing that he and I have done is to add the Enneagram into our personal growth. As a matter of fact, a therapist that we were using individually hooked us up with it, and it's been life changing.<br><br>
In case you are not familiar with it, it's a personality assessment, and very accurate. The basic idea behind it is to realize that your personality, in part, is the strategy that you used to survive your childhood. As you go through adulthood, you'll naturally see that some of your strategies are no longer effective, but they are difficult to change because they are what you do on "auto pilot". Rather than actually <i>trying</i> to change, the goal with the Enneagram is to bring awareness to those things, <i>catch yourself in the act</i> as you do them, and gradually get to the point where you catch yourself just <i>before</i> you do them so that you have a chance to make a conscious decision instead of an auto-pilot one. The focus is the awareness without harsh judgement...basically an observation. You sound like you are "there" anyway! You are observing yourself very well.<br><br>
Each of the nine types have their own healing paths toward emotional health, because any of them may do the same action, but for very different reasons or motivations.<br><br>
My type has a very strong inner critic that beats me up constantly. (I'm a Type One.) It's a parental voice in my head that prompts me and then beats me up verbally when I don't perform perfectly. I had to learn to let myself be human and to embrace my human lack of perfection. I had to learn to argue with the voice in my head...literally. I had to stop judging my every move.<br><br>
My husband had to learn to embrace the ordinary. He felt like he was very special (not all bad!) and that he had to find a way to rise above this ordinary life. He actually hoped for a rescuer to rescue him in some way. The problem with that was that he was gradually isolating himself emotionally and then blaming everyone outside of him for his self-imposed isolation. He is a Type Four. Instead of finding a way to avoid the ordinary, he had to find a way to embrace it, and he has!<br><br>
You might find some answers in this system, and after hearing your dilema, I thought I'd share it. A good starting point is <a href="http://www.enneagraminstitute.com" target="_blank">www.enneagraminstitute.com</a> .<br><br>
Take care!<br><br>
fiesta'smom
 
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