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And if so what did you do? Lately DH and I haven't been getting along very well. Yesterday he called me a nag in front of the kids. I called him on it a few minutes later when we were alone- told him it was hurtful, degrading, and one of the worst things you could call a woman. His response: "I call it like I see it". It wasn't the first time either. He has been belittling, put me down, not supportive for a while. When I try to bring it up he responds by rolling his eyes and "here we go again". I'm sick of it. Looking at finding a counselor either for myself or for both of us if he'll go.<br><br>
He was out of town the past week and I just realized after he had been back for 2 days that I was actually feeling happy and relaxed the whole time despite being alone with 2 young kids. I haven't felt that way in a while.
 

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No, my DH has never called me a nag. What you describe sounds emotionally abusive IMO and I hope you find help in counseling
 

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No, but I've called him a nag because he was acting like a nag. He quit nagging me after that.
 

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I've never been called a nag, either.<br><br>
For what it's worth, I didn't realize I should leave my (ex)husband until he went out of town for four days and my daughter and I had the most wonderful, relaxing time. I'm not saying you need to leave, but don't ignore those important, insightful moments of clarity.
 

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My first husband did. In hindsight, I WAS!<br><br>
Yes your dh could be a jerk but at the same time evaluate yourself: Are you nagging?<br><br>
Do you expect everything done your way and if it isn't it is wrong? If you could define yourself as a perfectionist -- from my experience you can be being a nag.<br><br><br><b>This was me!</b><br><a href="http://women.webmd.com/features/stop-nagging" target="_blank">http://women.webmd.com/features/stop-nagging</a><br>
Women take on the lion's share of nagging," says Jamie Turndorf, PhD, a couples therapist. "Because many women find it difficult to directly communicate their needs, they fall into the fatal trap of whining and nagging about what they aren't getting rather than directly stating what they want, need, or expect from their partner. Unfortunately, whining and nagging doesn't put a man into a giving mood, and a vicious cycle is born: The more her man starves her of what she wants, the more she nags and the less likely he is to be responsive to her wishes."
 

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Oh, one other thing I/(we in second marriage) needed to tell my dh that I just needed a sounding board.<br><br>
Not nagging is a process and it can be you but it can be your partner's perception. With my second husband he was perceiving me nagging when I was just needing him to listen. Once he learned to ask more questions and I learned better approach then that helped eliminated one aspect of "perceived" nagging.<br><br>
Also, sometimes it helps to have other sound boards other than your dh.<br><br>
What was happening that lead him up to calling you nag?<br><br>
****my disclaimer....my ex is a jerk no matter what and your dh could be one also. But this does not absolve my part in the problem. Sometimes you can see it is all the other person, sometimes it is you or the combination.
 

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He has never called me a nag but implied it once and I realized that I was doing it and hated myself for it. I had to have a long talk with him though becasue I felt like he was putting me in a place of always having to draw his attention to things that needed to be done aka nagging. For example, I would have done all the laundry and had it folded sitting in our laundry space and he would go back and forth day after day getting clothes from that spot because he was out of underwear and I would have to ask him to put that laundry away. Or setting a dish in the sink even though the dishwasher is half empty and the dishes in there are dirty.
 

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Sure, but I can be naggy so I own it.<br><br>
In an otherwise fine relationship it isn't a big deal, but if you feel like you're not being listened to, belittled and blown off when you're upset that's a problem.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Marsupialmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15424366"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><a href="http://women.webmd.com/features/stop-nagging" target="_blank">http://women.webmd.com/features/stop-nagging</a><br>
Women take on the lion's share of nagging," says Jamie Turndorf, PhD, a couples therapist. "Because many women find it difficult to directly communicate their needs, they fall into the fatal trap of whining and nagging about what they aren't getting rather than directly stating what they want, need, or expect from their partner. Unfortunately, whining and nagging doesn't put a man into a giving mood, and a vicious cycle is born: The more her man starves her of what she wants, the more she nags and the less likely he is to be responsive to her wishes."</div>
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My DH has, and I hate it. The quote above doesn't seem like what I do.. he calls me a nag when I am upfront about my feelings and needs, I don't really think that is nagging.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamalisa</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15424604"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Sure, but I can be naggy so I own it.<br><br>
In an otherwise fine relationship it isn't a big deal, but if you feel like you're not being listened to, belittled and blown off when you're upset that's a problem.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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YES!!!! This past weekend. We were driving upstate to pick up one of my DDs at college, and I get nervous when he drives over 70 mph. I sit there watching the speedometer. I don't see why driving between 75 and 80 is necessary. WHY? When there's a 65 mph speed limit. I feel uncomfortable. He says I am a NAG about this.
 

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OP what did he say you were nagging about? Need more context.
 

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"Nag" = the word that Passive-Aggressive husbands use to label their spouses.
 

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DH has never called me a nag, and I certainly commend him for it, because sometimes I AM.<br><br>
Your situation sounds a little bit like being called a nag isn't really the only hurtful thing you're hearing from your DH.
 

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No, my dh has never called me a nag. Then again, he doesn't call me names, period.<br><br>
He has probably pointed out times when I <i>have</i> nagged, though. And I think that is perfectly fair.<br><br>
There is a big difference between discussing nagging (or communicating that you feel like your partner is nagging), and calling your partner a "nag". Name calling is always inflammatory.<br><br>
That would be how I'd respond. I will discuss the issues, but I won't be called names.
 

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While I'm not entirely comfortable with all of his theories, John Grey's Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus has some interesting things to say about nagging (the perception of it by men, the reasons women do it, and ways to get around it).<br><br>
Hard for me to comment on your post, because saying you're nagging might be a fair comment. Or it might not.<br><br>
Even if you are nagging, it's hard to say if it's because you are too picky and demanding, or because he won't lift a finger, or if it's a communication issue between two otherwise loving partners.<br><br>
It really could be any of those scenarios. So, anyway, John Grey is my suggestion for you to look into.
 

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No, never.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>sunnmama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15426442"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">There is a big difference between discussing nagging (or communicating that you feel like your partner is nagging), and calling your partner a "nag". Name calling is always inflammatory.<br><br>
That would be how I'd respond. I will discuss the issues, but I won't be called names.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that"><br><br>
We do not call each other names. This is a non-negotiable in our marriage.
 

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I've accused my DH of nagging me - when he's been nagging me...<br><br>
He tends to have control issues where he feels that he is the only one who knows the "right" way to do anything.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>choli</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15426608"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I've accused my DH of nagging me - when he's been nagging me...<br><br>
He tends to have control issues where he feels that he is the only one who knows the "right" way to do anything.</div>
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Are we married to the same man? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Moochie Mamma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15423912"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">He was out of town the past week and I just realized after he had been back for 2 days that I was actually feeling happy and relaxed the whole time despite being alone with 2 young kids. I haven't felt that way in a while.</div>
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My husband is the nag. Sometimes he's openly nagging me, sometimes it's passive agressive. I'm always in trouble for something. He can go in the shower in a good mood, and come out mad at me for something that he got himself worked up about. Then when he comes out, he's midway through his bitching at me, and I missed the first half of it because he wasn't even out here. He says things like "I see you forgot to give the newspaper to Ryan's mom AGAIN". Or he'll point to my daughter's shoes that she left in the hallway and say "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" Then shake his head and huff away.<br><br>
He goes away every weekend to our cabin. I always have an excuse not to go, because I love my peace and quiet while he's gone. Just the stress that falls off of me when he leaves is wonderful. I'm usually ready for him to come home on Sunday, but I needed that recharge for myself. I think it's the only thing that's kept us together.<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I've accused my DH of nagging me - when he's been nagging me...<br><br>
He tends to have control issues where he feels that he is the only one who knows the "right" way to do anything.</td>
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This is my husband too.
 
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