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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My ds is about 2 1/2 months old, my dd just over 3. when he was newly, newly born i was thinking that the whole myth about 2 being harder than 1 was just that- a myth. i was already a parent, so i wasn't adjusting to a whole new lifestyle, just a more hectic one.

but man, 2 months later and i just feel... beat. i'm longing for my pre-kid life in ways i never did with just dd. i adore ds and i'm so glad we have him but i feel like i'm in a constant state of either irritation with dd, impatience with both of them, frustration, exhaustion, and just plain not enjoying myself. i don't think i'm depressed, i'm just... irritated. i occasionally get out by myself, a quick 30 min. walk, extra time to sleep in the morning. dh does his best to get me some time, and it's great when i have it, but then it's done and i'm back to being irritated.

last summer before i was pg was so great... i could go away over night, i played on a soccer team, exercised regularly... life felt so good again after 2 years of adjusting to being parents. i know it will get easier as ds gets older and i feel less tied down... and i'm irritated with myself that i'm irritated!
: i love having a baby again, but i feel like i'm just slogging through each day until they're both asleep and i can be alone, not listening to talking all day long, being groped, grabbed, whined at etc...

all the romantic notions i had about having 3 are out the window and down the drain. i bow to those mamas who have many...

please commiserate with me... it gets better, doesn't it?
 

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I know how you feel. I have 3 and feel overwhelmed much of the time. I really thought I could swing this easily! Im tired! I was up all night with my 4 year old and his terrible ear infection and then was woken up WAY early by my 1 year old. Im sooo tired!
 

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I felt exactly the same way. It was strange, and isolating to feel like that. I LOVED dd (youngest) like crazy, but I felt a lot of guilt about not being able to give as much attention to ds (oldest) as I used to, and as I wanted to. I felt like I had robed ds of the non-yelling, patiant, respectful, attentive mother he had, and replaced her with a slow, moody, boring, baby feeding, non-attentive one. It sucked. I was depressed. I started thinking about how different (and fantastic) my life would be without any children, and what a good choice it would have been to have had only one (both things I had never thought before, and certainly don't know.)

I realize now that this was more than just being overwhelmed with the reality of having two children - it was ppd. But it wasn't as bad as I thought ppd is supposed to be, (it was pretty mild) so I just kind of though I was a bad mama for thinking and feeling that way. I got through it just fine, and things did get much easier! Once I got into the realy swing of having two I really loved it. dd was an "easy" baby (especially compared to the excessively high needs baby that ds was.) Ds loved her, and everything was great.

Now that ds is nearly five and dd is two and a half, it has it's challenges (to be sure!!) but I love it! It still kicks my a$$ but it's very doable, and seems to be getting better with age (theirs that is)

hth
 

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OP, three years ago I was right where you are. It's a big old pain in the tush, isn't it?

And yes, it gets better. In about 2 years, it will be way easier. Ok, the idea of two years of this madness is cold comfort, I know. But I found that once the baby was 2, he and his brother actually began playing together. (Also, once my older boy started preschool and I was able to have some one-on-one with just the new baby, life calmed down a bit as well).

Now, my 6yo is going into 1st grade, my baby is about to start preschool, and I'm looking at three free mornings a week. It's going to be a completely rejuvenating stage of motherhood.

Hang in there.
 

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It does get better. Dd was 2 when ds1 was born. I had SUCH a hard time. When he was about 6 mos old, it started getting better. When he was 2, we had ds2. Going from 2-3 was much easier for me.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by shelbean91
Going from 2-3 was much easier for me.
That's interesting (and encouraging). I've only ever heard mamas say that going from two to three was the hardest.
 

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Going from 1-2 was harder, I think, b/c I was in the mindset that 'i've got this mothering thing down, how much harder can one more be?' Ha, ha, ha. But, with 1, if she was crying, I could stop what I was doing and tend to her. With 2, I had to get used to the fact that sometimes they'd both need me at the same time and I had to prioritize. Someone had to cry sometimes. No way around it. From 2-3, dd was a bit older, she understood she sometimes had to wait. She could play w/ds1 for short periods. I already knew that not everyone could be all happy, all the time. There were tears, but I already knew I couldn't do it all, so it was easier to deal with.

That's my experience, anyway. My 3rd was a c-section, the first 2 vaginal, so that was an extra wrench- but it was still easier for me going from 2-3.
 

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It will get better, mama!! I have 3 kids, and I find as time goes on, and with each child, I don't get that "need" to be away, as much as I did with my first two.
But I totally hear ya on getting frustrated, it's so hard, and I feel bad that my kids watch too much TV, but I know that it's a temporary thing, before DD#3 came along, they didn't watch hardly any TV.
 

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Yeah, it's irritating to deal with a new baby and a three-nager! It did get a lot easier for me, once dd2 was old enough to sit on the floor and then start playing with her big sister. She was super motivated to get down there where she could watch the Cool Big Kid and learn her ways. Now at 16mo she is a terrific playmate. Not that I'm not still somewhat irritated.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by eminer
Yeah, it's irritating to deal with a new baby and a three-nager! l
thats' so funny... the other day i said that 3 is 13 w/o the 1.

thanks for all the replies. i know it will get better, even as i read the threads about the sibling rivalr btw. the 3.5 yo's and the older babies. can't wait
:

tonight when dh was playing w/ the 2 kids and i was making dinner, dd was building a "yark" (?) with some wood scraps and ds was on his lap looking *so* intently at his big sister building and and laughing and smiling. it was so great... helped me to remember why we're doing this.

though i am still counting the days until preschool starts. three days a week! whoo-hoo! i feel kinda bad that i'm so looking forward to that time away from dd, but i'm also excited for her to have a great, nurturing environment for *her*- no baby brother to compete/share with, other kids to play with and make friends with. i think many days she is bored out of her mind. i remember what i did when i was bored as a kid- irritated my big sister! i guess as the oldest, parents are the next best thing, huh?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by newmainer

though i am still counting the days until preschool starts. three days a week! whoo-hoo! i feel kinda bad that i'm so looking forward to that time away from dd, but i'm also excited for her to have a great, nurturing environment for *her*- no baby brother to compete/share with, other kids to play with and make friends with. i think many days she is bored out of her mind. i remember what i did when i was bored as a kid- irritated my big sister! i guess as the oldest, parents are the next best thing, huh?
I wouldn't count your chicks before hatch on this one. Not to say that it won't be everything you'd hoped for, but sometimes preschool/school can make it hard to deal with the sibling. She may think she can treat him like one of the "big kids", or pick up some unkind behaviors/habbits from the other kids, or just get burnt out on having to share with so many kids, and having to compete with them.

Just some thigns to chew on. I hope I don't sounds all gloom and doomy.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by newmainer
i remember what i did when i was bored as a kid- irritated my big sister! i guess as the oldest, parents are the next best thing, huh?
:
:
 

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I had two about the same, and contrary to the above poster who said it gets worse if you choose to put the elder in preschool, it got better. He was much kinder, gentler and more into his little sib than before preschool. And I got to spend one on one time with my little one, which I really needed.

It gets easier as time goes by. (IN background the two littler ones are fighting!!)
 

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Oh, I don't mean it will necessarily get wrose/cause a problem, I'm just saying that sometimes it does.

Quote:
Not to say that it won't be everything you'd hoped for, but sometimes preschool/school can make it hard to deal with the sibling. She may think she can treat him like one of the "big kids", or pick up some unkind behaviors/habbits from the other kids, or just get burnt out on having to share with so many kids, and having to compete with them.
 

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My ds was 21 mo when my 2nd ds was born. I mentally gave myself 6 mo to feel like my head was above water again, and I didnt put many demands on myself at all during that time. It went ok...and around that 6 mo mark I just felt normal again....course that child started crawling at 4 mo and walking at 9 and was into EVERYTHING.

When the boys were 3.5 and 21 mo I had my dd. THAT was very very very hard. My oldest has always been super intense and at 3.5...there were times I thought he was possessed or something.
:

But we all survived, and they are now 6, 4 and 2.5 and all play together. They even clean up their toys and make their beds and dress themselves. It does get easier and it is so wonderful to see all of my dc loving each other and they are such good friends.
 

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I know how you feel. This has been a hard couple of days for me too. 2 are HARD! It just is. It WILL get easier, when they are a little older and you dd can read quietly in the morning or they are able to go downstairs and pour a bowl of cereal by themselves. There will come a moment when they are both enrolledin some program, or visiting a friend, or staying with grandma and you will have the WHOLE DAY TO YOURSELF!!! It is a dream, I know, but one I cling to on those days when they won't give me a minute to pee without losing it.

Hang in there mama. You will be OK!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by vermonttaylors
...on those days when they won't give me a minute to pee without losing it.


I feel like I rush through everything. I don't even know why I eat b/c I don't even have time to taste anything.

It is also so hard to go anywhere or do anything!
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
thanks, mamas.

regarding the pre-school thing, i know its not a sure thing at all, but i feel pretty good about it. it's a waldorf school, she knows the teacher (we had her for a parent/child class a few years ago) and its' a super homey, comfortable environment. one of the girls she plays with the best will be in her class, which i'm totally excited about for her. they say that often after a month or so the kids sometimes decide they dont' want to go anymore, so to expect that hiccup and work through it. we'll see. we're committed for the year!

dh and i talked a bunch the other night and i was able to vent to him a bit. and after a while i realized that i just feel like i'm trying to get through the days, and i don't want to be that way. sure, it's hard, but i dont' want to just be wishing away my kids younger years, waiting for the day when they're big enough to do x,y,z and whatever. I want to be appreciating and enjoying where we're at, struggle and all.

and i *don't* want to look back on summer and feel like i wasted it because i was too irritated and overwhelmed to do anything fun with the kids. So, i'm declaring August my Get Out month and i'm just going to do it,knowing that it will be challenging. but, i'm going to call up friends, hit the beaches, try some easy hikes. we'll see. at least if i make an effort i'll know i tried even if we come home after an hour.

thankfully, i have several mom friends in similar positions IRL so i have some company to reach out to. It takes a lot to admit that you're not having such a good time though, you know? sometimes it almost seems like sacrilege to admit that you wish your kids were elsewhere sometimes...
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by newmainer
thanks, mamas.

regarding the pre-school thing, i know its not a sure thing at all, but i feel pretty good about it. it's a waldorf school, she knows the teacher (we had her for a parent/child class a few years ago) and its' a super homey, comfortable environment. one of the girls she plays with the best will be in her class, which i'm totally excited about for her. they say that often after a month or so the kids sometimes decide they dont' want to go anymore, so to expect that hiccup and work through it. we'll see. we're committed for the year!

dh and i talked a bunch the other night and i was able to vent to him a bit. and after a while i realized that i just feel like i'm trying to get through the days, and i don't want to be that way. sure, it's hard, but i dont' want to just be wishing away my kids younger years, waiting for the day when they're big enough to do x,y,z and whatever. I want to be appreciating and enjoying where we're at, struggle and all.

and i *don't* want to look back on summer and feel like i wasted it because i was too irritated and overwhelmed to do anything fun with the kids. So, i'm declaring August my Get Out month and i'm just going to do it,knowing that it will be challenging. but, i'm going to call up friends, hit the beaches, try some easy hikes. we'll see. at least if i make an effort i'll know i tried even if we come home after an hour.

thankfully, i have several mom friends in similar positions IRL so i have some company to reach out to. It takes a lot to admit that you're not having such a good time though, you know? sometimes it almost seems like sacrilege to admit that you wish your kids were elsewhere sometimes...


I hope everything works out for you!
 
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