Dd and I are sick right now, both of us, so we're both super cranky. I've been sick since Sunday night, so after 4 nights without much sleep, I'm on edge. Last night was the worst by far. Emily started getting sick on Tuesday after we noticed that she cut another tooth. Last night, I nursed her to sleep on the couch after a bath, like I do every night, but this time she wouldn't let me get up. She kept biting my breast (in fact, chewing it a few times while she was sleeping) and if I tried to redo the latch, she would just wake up and scream. I tried refusing her the breast towards midnight because they were getting quite tender and giving her a pacifier, but she just lay next to me whimpering until I let her have the breast again (which she promptly began chewing again!) I understand that she wanted comfort, but all I wanted was to be left alone, to not be touched, so that I could get some sleep and try to get better. I got 2 hours of sleep, if that, last night, and I don't know how I'm going to make it through today after 4 nights of little sleep. I'm part of a MOMS club, and we have a babysitting co-op, but none of the other ladies seem to want to help me out (I guess I understand, they don't want to risk their kids getting sick) and I have no family in the area. Right now, I'm so frustrated, I have Emily in a playpen, in her room, with her stuffed cat, blanket, a few pacifiers and soft music playing because I just can't bring myself to hold her right now, which is killing me in itself because I've been so against CIO. I'm sure this is confusing her so much, I feel like I'm being completely selfish, and like I'm a horrible mom. I blew up at dh this morning because he just didn't get it, Emily has been sick off and on since the end of February (first it was a sinus infection, then rotavirus, then a yeast infection, now a bad cold that could be turning into bronchitis) and he works 60+ hours a week, so I haven't had a break in I don't know how long. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Does anyone have any advice for me? I'm crying writing this because part of me is bracing myself for someone to call me a horrible mom, but I really need some advice. TIA
