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(See explanation below) What option would you choose for Baby #2?

  • Adoption

    Votes: 10 38.5%
  • Egg Donation

    Votes: 1 3.8%
  • Do not have any more children

    Votes: 1 3.8%
  • Try for another child - "leave it up to a higher power"

    Votes: 5 19.2%
  • Try for a girl using Shettles method, etc

    Votes: 3 11.5%
  • Embryo selection procedure

    Votes: 4 15.4%
  • Other, please elaborate

    Votes: 2 7.7%
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
(I know this probably belongs in the “Special Needs” forum, but I wanted a larger audience)<br><br>
Here is the background: DS is getting tested this week for Fragile X syndrome. The more I research it, the more I believe this could be the explanation for all of his “issues.” Most of the descriptions fit him to a T. While we wait for the approval for the test, I am doing a lot of thinking.<br><br>
Fragile X is a defect on the X chromosome. Because moms always give an X to their children (dads give the Y for a boy, another X for a girl), this would be passed on by me. If this is what DS has, for future children, I have a 50/50 chance of passing it on to the next baby. 85% of boys have some sort of mental retardation (a big range from mild to severe) as well as autistic like symptoms – social, language, sensory, etc. Girls are affected much more mildly, but become carriers, and can pass it on to their children.<br><br>
DS is a joy, and I believe he is in the mild category, if not in the 15% w/o mental retardation. I fully believe he will go on to live a “normal” life, with challenges that need to be overcome.<br><br>
But what to do about future children? I grew up an only child and always felt lonely. I never wanted that for my children. I also want to be pregnant again, want to try to have that natural birth I wanted, I want to nurse again, etc etc.<br><br>
My options/drawbacks to each: 1. Adoption – long, difficult, expensive. 2. Egg Donation – risky, expensive. 3. No more children – heartbreaking. 4. Trying for another child – lets face it, it’s much cheaper since we have medical and full coverage for pregnancy, and I have very regular cycles, so not really a problem. But ethical? 5. Try specifically for a girl – less chance of passing on major problems, but she could be a carrier. 6. A procedure where they check the embryos for the defect and implant only “normal” embryos – expensive, risky, not fail proof.<br><br>
So what would you do in this situation? Until the tests come back, I need to hear other opinions, and you mommas are always so wise. Thanks!
 

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Well I can't make your decision for you but I will tell you about my situation. I have a genetic connective tissue disorder that is spread dominantly. That means each of my children have a 50% chance of getting it. It's manifestations can be so little that you don't know you have it or so much that you can be wheelchair bound and have other serious health problems. I have a moderate to bad case of it and have done well because I have been managed properly medically speaking. That being said I have had many problems, am in pain daily, and will almost surely end up in a wheelchair at some point in the not so distant future. I also chose to have children. I feel that if I have a child that has this, I will get that child the proper medical care and will be able to teach my child that a disability doesn't have to put a damper on your life. We are even TTC sooner than we planned because we want two children and I want to have another one while I am still doing good.<br><br>
The biggest difference is that what I have has no neurological manifestations. That is a big difference when you are thinking about whether someone will be able to function and have a somewhat normal life. I answered that I would use the shettles method to try to have a girl. That is more than likely what I would do. You have to do what will leave you with a clear conscience. If you would not be able to handle have another affected child, don't do anything that will leave you at risk for having one.
 

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Wow. Talk about a tough one!<br><br>
I think that what's most important is how you and your family feel about the possibility of having another child, and one who may be more "special needs" than the one you have now. If you have no problem with that, then I say just go for it. After all, there is no guarantee in life for any of us and at least you'd be prepared for it. I suppose your kid could come back at you one day with the old "why did you have me" stuff, but honestly I think all kids have their issues, you'll just have one ready for him/her when he feels like throwing it at you (I'm thinking teenage years here!), lol.<br><br>
So I'm voting to have your own baby.<br><br>
[Wow. It feels so dumb saying that, like I have any input into such a personal decision!]
 

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I second what Piglet said - if you think your family can handle another potentially special needs child, then go for it au natural and be prepared for whatever happens, boy or girl.<br><br>
Personally, I'd probably go for adoption. I have known of several families who have adopted children without the huge expense and long timeframe.
 

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My cousin has this. He is now 31 and lives with his dad. He has some of the mental retardationn, but graduated high school and holds a normal job at a supermarket!<br><br>
I voted for the embryo selection. Listen, in a perfect world, we would all handle the challenges presented to us, but here you have a challenge laid out before you. Do you wish to prevent this from happening to your next child? Is sounds like yes. While the embryo selection can be considered "not ethical" you can chose to put back any embryos that are not subject to this disoprder regardless of gender. I think this is reasonable to try. However, IVF is expensive and there ar eno guarentees that it will work.<br><br><br><br>
This really is your decision, but I am just letting you know what I would do!
 

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Have you read about <a href="http://www.microsort.com" target="_blank">Microsort</a>? It sounds like it might be an option for you. As I understand it, they sort your dh's semen into X and Y sperm (a sample won't be 100% one or the other but it will be much greater than 50/50) and then do an IUI (intra-uterine insemination) or an IVF (in vitro fertilization). I'm pretty sure I've read that they do it at a reduced cost or for free for couples who have a sex-linked chromosomal disorder. They are based in Fairfax VA but also have an office in California.<br><br>
You might also PM Clarity and talk to her about everything. She has experience with this issue.<br><br>
I won't vote because I can't tell you what to do, but I wish you the best in coming to your decision!
 

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I am a fan of adoption myself. Even if yu have ag irl you are passing opn thisb urden.. SHe will one day have to sit and decide what she is capable of, what moral lines she will cross, and whther or not to have a baby, be a parent etc. . .<br><br>
I htink adoption i a wonderful thing. I have two friends who lost thier second child to a genetic disorder handed down by them. They both chose open adoption and had a child with in 9 months. CHildren that looked like them and were healthy and local. It has just been such a blesing for them.<br><br>
With some of the procedures listed there are moral implications you need to deal with if you believe life begins at conception. Embryo selection and genetic testing with termination of a fragile x baby are beyond what I would be comfortable with. Sperm selection and the trying to hit the right day ones are moral neutral but what happens if you end up with a boy and then he has the disorder? how dissapointed will you be? Egg donation is more or less adoption plus in my estimation. Iwould probably try that funds permitting but you have ot consider the cost associated to care for your first child should his condition require more care.<br><br>
i am so sorry you are facing this. You and your family will be in my prayers. there are no easy choices.
 
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