Hi! I'm sorry if this post gets long winded but I'm at the end of my rope and feel like I could really use some guidance!!!
I truly believe that my Dad has SEVERE depression/anxiety/manic depression... I'm not sure but it's SOMETHING!
A little history... my parents were married for 30 years, my Mom decided that she didn't really want to be married anymore. Finding out later that my Dad was quite demanding/demeaning with sex, not very emotionally supportive of her, etc. My Dad was FLOORED! She was "flirting" with someone at her job and he found out. Apparently that is as far as it went but my Dad couldn't handle it and became VERY verbally abusive and down right frightening at times. I lived with my boyfriend (now hubby) at the time (5 years ago when it all started). I let my Mom come and stay with me b/c it got horribly bad- my Dad threatened to kill her, would scream, throw things, get in her face, etc. He never touched her but he didn't have too- it was scary enough. My Dad would call my house non stop, show up screaming, etc. I have 2 younger brothers that lived at home and would be in the middle of this. Needless to say, my Mom ended up leaving him but he has not stopped acting this way.
Today: he moved in with another woman, bought a house, a new Harley but he's still obsessed with my Mom and for some reason blames me for letting my Mom stay with me. He says that I told my Mom to leave the marriage (yes, I did b/c it was scary, unsafe & neither were happy) and that we all hate him and we all conspire against him, etc. It's just not true. He will not let certain things go. We've talked about this for 5 years now, non stop. He constantly tells me that if only I would let him talk to me about this, things would change. He is out of his mind. We talk daily about this. I honestly think he will not be happy until we hate our Mom. He makes things up and says mean things to me like my Mom called us brats when we were kids, she didn't want to take care of us... things that are not in her character and just untrue.
He just won't let things die. I didn't have him come to the hospital when my son was born until AFTER he was born- I didn't think he'd need to sit in the waiting room- he says that I didn't want him there eventhough I tell him that I thought it was silly for him to sit there and wait. After the birth (13 months ago), my bladder was swollen and I couldn't urinate on my own. I had a urinary bag that I carried around for about 4 days PP. I didn't want my dad to come over b/c I was very uncomfortable. I don't know what my Mom told him (she was at my house helping me) but he says that she said I didn't want him to come over for what ever reason. NO MATTER how many times I tell him why I didn't want him to come over there, he constantly brings it up in an argument that I was keeping my son away from him?!?!
My reason for writing this is b/c I"ve reached the end of my rope. He is always telling me that he's going to kill himself. (the 1st time he did this- I called the cops and they took him to the hospital) He told me today that when he kills himself I'll be sorry b/c I'll realize that I should have just let him talk things out with us?!?!? Then in the next breath he'll say something like.... you probably "get off" on watching your Mom have sex with other men. I mean, it's downright disgusting and abusive.
The only reasons I haven't cut him off (besides the fact that he's my Dad & I love him) is b/c of the guilt- am I not doing something right with him? Will I be to blame if he kills himself? He tells me that I"ll be sorry & I'll realize that I did something wrong with thim. How do I shake that? Is there something mentally wrong with him? I feel so lost & confused.
There is obviously a lot more to the story but I can't type it all out with out it becoming a novel! :LOL
Has anyone been in a similar scenario? Any advice? I'm so lost.
I truly believe that my Dad has SEVERE depression/anxiety/manic depression... I'm not sure but it's SOMETHING!
A little history... my parents were married for 30 years, my Mom decided that she didn't really want to be married anymore. Finding out later that my Dad was quite demanding/demeaning with sex, not very emotionally supportive of her, etc. My Dad was FLOORED! She was "flirting" with someone at her job and he found out. Apparently that is as far as it went but my Dad couldn't handle it and became VERY verbally abusive and down right frightening at times. I lived with my boyfriend (now hubby) at the time (5 years ago when it all started). I let my Mom come and stay with me b/c it got horribly bad- my Dad threatened to kill her, would scream, throw things, get in her face, etc. He never touched her but he didn't have too- it was scary enough. My Dad would call my house non stop, show up screaming, etc. I have 2 younger brothers that lived at home and would be in the middle of this. Needless to say, my Mom ended up leaving him but he has not stopped acting this way.
Today: he moved in with another woman, bought a house, a new Harley but he's still obsessed with my Mom and for some reason blames me for letting my Mom stay with me. He says that I told my Mom to leave the marriage (yes, I did b/c it was scary, unsafe & neither were happy) and that we all hate him and we all conspire against him, etc. It's just not true. He will not let certain things go. We've talked about this for 5 years now, non stop. He constantly tells me that if only I would let him talk to me about this, things would change. He is out of his mind. We talk daily about this. I honestly think he will not be happy until we hate our Mom. He makes things up and says mean things to me like my Mom called us brats when we were kids, she didn't want to take care of us... things that are not in her character and just untrue.
He just won't let things die. I didn't have him come to the hospital when my son was born until AFTER he was born- I didn't think he'd need to sit in the waiting room- he says that I didn't want him there eventhough I tell him that I thought it was silly for him to sit there and wait. After the birth (13 months ago), my bladder was swollen and I couldn't urinate on my own. I had a urinary bag that I carried around for about 4 days PP. I didn't want my dad to come over b/c I was very uncomfortable. I don't know what my Mom told him (she was at my house helping me) but he says that she said I didn't want him to come over for what ever reason. NO MATTER how many times I tell him why I didn't want him to come over there, he constantly brings it up in an argument that I was keeping my son away from him?!?!
My reason for writing this is b/c I"ve reached the end of my rope. He is always telling me that he's going to kill himself. (the 1st time he did this- I called the cops and they took him to the hospital) He told me today that when he kills himself I'll be sorry b/c I'll realize that I should have just let him talk things out with us?!?!? Then in the next breath he'll say something like.... you probably "get off" on watching your Mom have sex with other men. I mean, it's downright disgusting and abusive.
The only reasons I haven't cut him off (besides the fact that he's my Dad & I love him) is b/c of the guilt- am I not doing something right with him? Will I be to blame if he kills himself? He tells me that I"ll be sorry & I'll realize that I did something wrong with thim. How do I shake that? Is there something mentally wrong with him? I feel so lost & confused.
There is obviously a lot more to the story but I can't type it all out with out it becoming a novel! :LOL
Has anyone been in a similar scenario? Any advice? I'm so lost.
