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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We had a court order psychatirc evaluation for ds yesterday. The judge had said he wanted this done. Fine. I didn't have issue with this. I got referrals from the "new" doctor, and out of 5 psychiatrists I found only one that would see us. I set up the appointment and told x about the appointment. X flipped. How could I set up an appointment without his consent, or his input. I told him I followed juges orders, to which he said this was "his" request. That is why the judge ordered this. He calls the pediatrician, and our new doctor is on vacation for the week. He tell me to cancel the appointment until he has time to discuss this issue with the pediatrician. I claim this issue needs to be resolved before school, and I don't think the judge wants to wait. You were in the doctors office last week, why didn't you talk to him than. Why did you wait?

We go to the psychiatrist yesterday, and x shows up. That is ok, his dc too right? The psychiatrist should see both sides. We get in and she tells me she has no medical records. When I ask why, I called them at her request several times durning the week, turns out x had called and told them in no uncertain terms were they to send medical records. He had not given his permission for this evaluation, and they were to hold the records, because he hadn't given his permission to send them. Why didn't the doctors office tell me this? I got caught with my pants down. X immeadiately begins session teling doctor that she is not allowed to do an evaluation, that this appointment was set up against his wishes and without his knowledge, which is a violation of his rights. He tells her he will consent to a consult. I am alone in this room with this angry man. He immeadiately begins to bombard her with his perspective. He won't allow me to speak and defend myself. The psychaitrist tells us we need more research and we need to go back to the schools and get more testing done. I tell her what if this has already been done? What if all the testing you say we need has already been done? She tells us that we need to do it again. X is soooo proud of himself. She refuses to see us or deal with us. She send us packing.... with recommendations. How can she make recommedations to continue testing of ds without even looking at his records. She doesn't even know what tests have been done.

I tell you it is so hard to keep up. I cried yesterday and said I just don't know how to keep helping my son. I don't know what else I can do. It is a mother's primal instinct to fight for our children, but what do you do when you know whats right and you hit road blocks everywhere you go. Sometimes I wonder if dc's would be better off if I gave up. I think that x loves to fight with me, if I stepped back and let him have the reins would he than do what was best for ds. He is becoming increasingly angry and bold. He has no hesitation to hammer me at every corner now. He told me he couldn't wait for our court date, that it would be alot of fun for him, because all my lies would come to light. This is going to be soooo much fun he says. I'm beginning to buckle under the intimidation.
 

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I just have no idea what to say to this.
I've been reading your posts for a while.
I don't know where you get the strength. I really don't. You're incredible to have come this far with your sanity intact. Yes it's instinct to fight for your children, but having the strength to do it is another thing.
I can't offer any advice as I haven't been through any of this. All I can offer is a hundred hugs I wish I could give you in person.
 

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Don't back down and don't let him see you upset - that is what he wants. Is there any way you could order a homestudy and have your ex evaluated by a therapist? It sounds like he REALLY needs to be evaluated. Are you both going for full custody? If you are, they generally offer a home study (but it can get expensive). It sounds like he's proven over and over that he is hot tempered and if you had the evaluation of him you could ask the doctors to submit a ststement (if they would).

I'm really sorry you are going through this, it's hard. My ex is short tempered and controlling too, but no where near as bad as your ex sounds. It sounds like he's just trying really hard to hurt you, but in the process he's hurting his own child
I wish your judge would just see this and do something about it!
 

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I cannot imagine having to deal with this. Reading your posts for a while makes me so glad that my ex could care less about our dds health. you are such a strong mama for doing this and 'standing up and fighting' with your ex.

I just wanted to comment on the medical records thing.. Is it possible for you to physically go into the drs office and request a copy of the entire medical record? I'm sure you'd have to pay for it, but i'd much rather to that, then be constantly humliliated by your ex by coming unprepared and then shoved out the door b/c it's too complicated and your ex is just beyond hostile.

I know you had to switch drs recently, is there any possibility of you going back to the previous drs and getting all his records?

I don't know if this is court ordered that you and your ex HAVE to find a psychiatrist together, but if it isn't i'd just find my own psychiatrist, don't inform him and have her/him write a letter of recomendation. Or perhaps gather a list of psychiatrists you're going to see, give your ex time to 'consult' with them as well and go from there?? It's just so obvious that it's a power struggle and no one is going to back down. I understand why it's a nessicary power struggle but it just seems like your ex is incapable of comprimising on any level.

I just cannot imagine how your ds is dealing with all of this. It must be so hard on both of you
Stay strong!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
First let me say that I had sole legal custody because of his temper. He had supervised visitation and a cps investigation. He really behaved for a year. When came to the divorce settlement, my lawyer told me she couldn't maintain sole custody for me. She said he's behaved too well, and I can't prove any of the things you say. We can't get sole cusotdy based on what you believe might happen. Also the law gaurdian didn't back sole custody. She believed we just needed to sit and negotiate. Despite my protests I was talked into joint. I hoped that by agreeing to joint that x might settle down some. It didn't take a week for him to explode. So the divorce is final and custody is settled.

When this came about last month, I told my lawyer, "you guys have put right back into the situation I was in when I left him, and I told you it would happen" On the 15th of September we go back to court to decide medical making decisions, I am hoping to get sole making decision power. If I'm lucky the law gaurdian has finally come around.

The judge has order the psych evaluation on ds, he has told us that the new doctor has to pick the psychiatrist. He had given me 5 names and I called them all, this was the only one that would take us. X insists that we are having the eval as per his request and therefore he will make the necessary arrangements. I'm ahead of you gals, I requested the records last week, but haven't gotten them, I had no idea how important that would be.

Do you guys really think I'm strong?
 

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Absolutely you are strong ! You have come to this point, but are reaching out for help and inspiration. Isn't it frustrating that he bevahed so 'well' as to hide his true nature from the courts
: I can only imagine how angry I would be. You never give up, truth will prevail
 

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Wow. rmcarons, you are beyond strong. You truly have a warrior woman/mama bear spirit
(we need a mama bear smilie!). I pray that your X will be reaping what he is sowing soon.
 

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Hope you get back what you need at the hearing. It boggles my mind that you had to agree to joint and you knew what would happen. Hope the attorney and guardians learn from your case so the next mom doesn't have so much hard work to go through.
 

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Oh hell yes!
I really would like to think I could be as strong as you...but it would be so tempting to just dissolve into a puddle of heartbreak.
You are a STRONG mama bear.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
The law guardian called me yesterday. She wanted to know how things went on Saturday. I didn't know that she had been in touch with the doctors office and was authorizing them to send records on despite x. She didn't realize that they hadn't even though she told them to.

When I told her what had happened and that we had no where else to go, she finally hit the roof
: She said this week, she will speak to my attorney and insist that a order to show cause is filed this week, either by her or my attorney, and they want me to have temporary sole custody until the hearing. I couldn't believe my ears. I don't want to get optomistic but that would make life easier. Ds could start school on his medication. And I could get to establish a relationship with the doctors. She said the straw that broke the camels back for her was his behavior in the court room, she said no parent wishes thier children into foster care. Than she said, if I had known what would happen when we settled for divorce I would never had agreed to joint custody,
: I held my tongue. but I could have strangled her......

Thanks for the kind words, and the encouragement. Me and my kids may be alright after all....
 

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I'm glad to hear things are looking up! You are one strong, and wise, mama!
 

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What a turd. I'm sorry you are getting beat up, but please stay strong. Be a strong advocate for yourself and your child.

You need some zen training... you have to learn how NOT to let people wind you up/try to intimidate you. This took me years to learn. DH helped me learn this (he is not a meanie) and now I can really keep my cool and not let people control me (my emotions/reactions). How they act is simply how THEY act.

But I don't know how to explain/train you.


Stay on top of this... do what you need to do. Pray. Ask for guidance. Do things that re-energize you and your son and make you happy. Find something (a hobby? a walk in nature? kick-boxing?) anything that pumps you up and makes you feel strong, centered and successful.

I couldn't read and not respond.
 

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I was just about to say how appalled I was that he continues to get away with this crap, then I saw your update.
I really, really, hope she comes through for you (FINALLY!) and your ds. It's too bad it had to go on for so long, but hopefully there's a light at the end of the tunnel!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by rmcarons
Do you guys really think I'm strong?
Oh boy, do I!! I am dealing with a separation with a husband who, so far, has been great. And I am still falling apart.

How do you manage? You are a wonderful mama, and an amazing advocate for your child!

-Katy
 
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