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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>I am really just offering this as a chance for others to have a 'laugh'. After years of her racism, passive-aggressive comments, disrespect of me and my values, he has decided that his mother and I need to go to counseling, together, because we 'don't understand each other'.</p>
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<p>I think this may be the most ridiculous thing a partner has ever recommended. What utterly bizarre, nonsensical crap have you all heard? I'm no longer upset, and ready to cackle.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Unoppressed MAMA Q</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291620/he-wants-me-to-go-to-counseling-with-his-mother#post_16187018"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I am really just offering this as a chance for others to have a 'laugh'. After years of her racism, passive-aggressive comments, disrespect of me and my values, he has decided that his mother and I need to go to counseling, together, because we 'don't understand each other'.</p>
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<p>I think this may be the most ridiculous thing a partner has ever recommended. What utterly bizarre, nonsensical crap have you all heard? I'm no longer upset, and ready to cackle.</p>
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<p>Oh wow, that really takes the cake.  Sounds like one of your biggest MIL issues is her son!! <br>
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<p>Are you interested in a better relationship with her? Would it make life easier for him, your children, or you? It might be worth it!</p>
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Fuamami</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291620/he-wants-me-to-go-to-counseling-with-his-mother#post_16187106"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Are you interested in a better relationship with her? Would it make life easier for him, your children, or you? It might be worth it!</p>
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A 'better relationship' means that she stays away from me, seriously. She can go to individual therapy if she likes, but the idea of 'joint counseling' is absurd. There is no interpersonal conflict, the problem is that she's mentally ill and still denying. But I thought you all might have a laugh! As for dear partner, there's no way I'm martyring my precious time so he can divorce himself from the situation and be a victim-y fence rider any longer.</p>
 

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For a moment I thought the Holiday Helpers thread was still circulating by accident. That title is priceless. I can't believe he actually wants you to go to counseling with his mom!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>june'smom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291620/he-wants-me-to-go-to-counseling-with-his-mother#post_16188718"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>^^^  Yeah, that!</p>
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<p>That is really one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. </p>
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<br><br><p>I know. The funny part is that he was totally serious about it. I had to really put on my 'gentle' gloves to not laugh right in his face. Therefore I'm laughing with y'all. Thanks for the solidarity.</p>
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<p>This is his idea of being a really sweet, sensitive guy who cares about everybody. It's actually really disappointing to me on a relationship level, but it's certainly not the first time. I've long said that "MIL issues are 'marriage' issues", so I'm not standing here with my head spinning. Poor, frightened boyfriend. Personal growth is hard, it's easier to tell everyone else to go to counseling together than go yourself.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span><br><div class="quote-block">
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<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>june'smom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291620/he-wants-me-to-go-to-counseling-with-his-mother#post_16188718"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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<p>Personal growth is hard, it's easier to tell everyone else to go to counseling together than go yourself.</p>
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Of course.  I don't have this problem with anyone but YOU, so YOU must be the one with the problem!!!!</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>sapphire_chan</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291620/he-wants-me-to-go-to-counseling-with-his-mother#post_16190317"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>You sooo don't have time for that.</p>
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No doubt. I don't even have time for the things I DO want to do! Even if I wanted to, it's not in my best interest to take on any responsibility for her</p>
<p>denial and blame-shifting. I'm done and committed to my own sanity and happiness. She's already caused major erosion in this house, and the only </p>
<p>safe thing to do is disengage.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Unoppressed MAMA Q</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291620/he-wants-me-to-go-to-counseling-with-his-mother#post_16193177"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br>
She's already caused major erosion in this house, and the only safe thing to do is disengage.</div>
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Amen to that!</p>
 

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<p>Good for you on disengaging OP. I've never known therapy to help racists.<br><br>
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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Unoppressed MAMA Q</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291620/he-wants-me-to-go-to-counseling-with-his-mother#post_16193177"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-right:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-bottom:0px solid;"></a><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>sapphire_chan</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291620/he-wants-me-to-go-to-counseling-with-his-mother#post_16190317"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border-right:0px solid;border-top:0px solid;border-left:0px solid;border-bottom:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>You sooo don't have time for that.</p>
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No doubt. I don't even have time for the things I DO want to do! Even if I wanted to, it's not in my best interest to take on any responsibility for her</p>
<p>denial and blame-shifting. I'm done and committed to my own sanity and happiness. She's already caused major erosion in this house, and the only </p>
<p>safe thing to do is disengage.</p>
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
<p>Thanks y'all. The more I think on it, the more I'm feeling gaslighted/lit. Like, his idea to try to further the notion that she and I are equals engaged in a struggle of two people who are both acting wrong is insane.</p>
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<p>He tells me that he's 'known her all his life' and that she's 'not a racist'. Whatever. I hear the things she says, he can apologize all he wants for her, but I'm not responsible for her choices, and they are not my problem.</p>
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<p>Needless to say, I'm not impressed with her son in this arena. I have no compunctions axing these sorts of people from my life. Everything for her is apology and always 'seeking to understand'. But once, she told him something I had said that she found unfavorable, and he called me up and cussed me...no 'Mom is upset, can we talk about what happened?', just straight to the blaming and rage. I find neither of his poles to be functional, her he accepts, me he judges.</p>
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<p>This is actually a little old now, and he has long dropped the actual 'counseling' idea in conversation. But I still live in this house and I'm bitter.</p>
 
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