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My DS is always hurting his sister. Smooshing her head into the ground. Pushing her backwards when she is sitting up laying on her things of taht nature. Ive tried everything to get him to stop. Explained to him how it hurts lily. Caught him b4 he was going to do it . Nothing stops it. What else can I do?<br><br>
TIA
 

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This is a rather common scenario and I believe it is a form of jealousy and helplessness. You haven't provided any ages or any details about how long it has been going on but I think it is important to cease the negative feedback as much as possible (of course protecting the safety of the baby) and providing as much positive feedback as possible.<br><br>
So instead of, "Stop that! That hurts Lily!" etc, try to aim for, "Gently now. That feels nice. Lily likes it when you touch her with kindness." etc.<br><br>
Prevention, perseverance and close supervision is essential during the transition phase and I figure the longer this behaviour has been around, the longer it will take to combat.<br><br>
I think you may also find that ensuring your toddler gets adequate one-on-one attention from significant adults, regular time with playmates and ongoing comfort and positive attention, he will get through this period of acting out and feel more secure in the family. I mean, until Lily came along he was your little baby! Try to find ways to let him know he still is.<br><br>
Hope you find this helpful,
 

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i found that connecting with dd before talking about the problem made wonders to us. she was 2.5 when ds was born, and she was acting out in the first weeks. let's say she pushed ds too hard in his bouncer. i'd pick her up on my knees and tell her that i saw she was very frustrated (validate her feelings first). i'd hug her, offer to nurse her. i'd wait for several minutes, until she was calm. and only THEN i'd tell her, in the least criticising way possible, that the bouncer was for gentle hands, and that gentle bouncing made her brother happy (trying to avoid saying that rough bouncing made him hurt, i.e. focusing on the positives, and on the behaviour that i wanted to see more of).<br><br>
the books that i found extrmely helpful were Hold on to your kids, by gordon neufeld; easy to love difficult to discipline, by Becky Bailey, and Unconditional parenting, by Alfie Kohn.
 
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