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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have written this post a hundred times in the 18 months since my son's birth. I am determined to actually post it this time.<br><br>
18 months ago, I was assaulted by a doctor after transferring to the hospital from home. Whew! Talk about a condensed version of the events. Well, here I am 18 months later and I am considering TTC again. I am very afraid. Afraid of putting myself out there again and risking "failure" again. My first son was an unnecessary CS and my second was a necessary one. I trusted my body last time to do what it was made for. How can I convince myself that I can trust my body this time?<br><br>
On top of that, I am deep denial about the assault. I really don't know how to get those feelings to surface. I have read <i>Rebounding from Childbirth</i> many times. I don't know what else to do.<br><br>
I am not sure if this is the right forum for these questions, but as I am preparing for another homebirth, I thought that the collective wisdom of homebirthing mothers would be a good place to start.<br><br>
Any suggestions?
 

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You have made a start....yay! My advice is--now, keep going with this healing work...keep going, it is the only way to get through.<br><br>
I also recommend that you crosspost this to the Birth Professionals forum to get more input on healing resources. Also, look for mothercat, MDC member/midwife--she keeps a roster of available Birth Trauma resources.<br><br>
all the best on your healing journey.
 

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Here is a <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=789858" target="_blank">sticky</a> with resources for healing from birth trauma / PTSD. Good for you for your determination to heal <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">.
 

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I found the rape crisis center counselor helpful. I found putting together a birth plan to prevent further assault with a committed team of trusted people helpful.<br><br>
There was a mom on MDC who filed criminal charges and a civil lawsuit when she was assaulted in the hospital. You can probably find her thread.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for the info everyone. I am determined not to let this trauma rob me of a homebirth again.<br><br>
I have to say, I am a bit terrified that it will never happen. I really don't know how I will feel if I never push a baby out of my vagina. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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And what you should do is file a complaint against the doctor's license..the nurse's licenses...ANYONE that was attending you at your birth. MAKE A HUGE STINK!<br>
I don't even do vaginal exams without permission!<br>
jeni
 
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