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Mommas, can you help me out with some links etc.<br>
I am trying to convince a newly pregnant woman (with her 1st child) to give breastfeeding a try. She thinks I am nuts still nursing my 2 yr old. She says that bf is "too much work" and that she wasn't bf and she wasn't a sickly baby. I want to be a good lactivist, but I am soooo tired of beating my head against the wall! I am also tired of putting in sooo much energy to only have the women I've tried to help hide the fact that they've quit nursing after only a day or two from me. A friend of mine told me she didn't have it in her to nurse, and it about broke my heart.<br>
Any help is appreciated!
 

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1) Breastfeeding BURNS CALORIES! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br>
2) Getting out of bed in the middle of the night to make and warm a bottle is work. When your baby is crying, it's excruciating work! So much easier to pop a boob in their mouth and go back to sleep.<br>
3) Carting bottles around in the diaper bag is work. You have to bring all the supplies with you which takes up space, is heavy, and is a pain. You have to find a way to warm up bottles in public. So much easier to just feed your baby perfect milk from the tap!<br>
4) Formula poo smells worse than breastmilk poo! As do formula burps and formula breath! Breastmilk poo is like a miracle, it is so scent-less!<br><br>
Those are a few ideas to get you started... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I usually trot out the personal experience stuff like:<br><br>
* you wanna lose the pregnancy weight and get your uterus back to pre-pregancy size? Breastfeeding can make it happen lots faster and easier. 500 calories a day...<br><br>
* Man, I am too lazy to bottle feed, especially with a newborn - think of all the bottles to wash, preparing formula, making sure you have sterilized the bottles, have clean water, get it mixed right, warm the bottle, etc etc. Pulling out a boob is so much easier.<br><br>
* Newborns are a lot of work, period. Using bottles doesn't make it easier. Breastfeeding can be hard at first, true, but most of that is because of the circumstances (newbie mom, newbie baby, lack of sleep). And it gets so much easier.<br><br>
Oh, and anyone who says "I want to give bottles so that dad/grandma/friend can feed baby in the middle of the night and sleep" my response is "Yeah, and how long is THAT going to last? One week? Two? Your baby will need to feed at least 1 -2 times in the middle of the night for at least 4 months, if not longer. And sleeping through the night is defined as 5 hours straight. Pretty soon grandma goes home and dad goes back to work, and suddenly its - "well honey, I need to sleep to work, but you are home all day"...Trust me, set nighttime feedings up so they work best for YOU since in all likelihood, you are the one going to be doing 95% of them. I personally found breastfeeding to be the easiest way to feed my babies at 3am.<br><br>
Just some thoughts.
 

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I always try to start with assessment. What is it about breastfeeding that she thinks is so time-consuming? She may have some incorrect information for which you can provide some education. What is it about artificial feeding that she thinks is so much easier? Again, you may be able to dispel some myths.<br><br>
A contest can be "fun," too. You can use any powdered drink mix to prepare a "bottle." But--you have to do it the proper way. Sterilize the bottles and nipples, boil the water and let it cool. Mix the "formula" and pour into a bottle, then pretend to give it to a baby. Even better if you have one of the babies that cries until it's fed. While she's preparing the bottle, breastfeed your baby. See who gets done faster. Then compare the cost of everything she just did to what you just did. Then talk about what it's like to go through that at night vs. rolling over and attaching babe and going back to sleep. It's an interesting exercise for those who think that bottles are easier.<br><br>
Go easy on her, you probably won't be able to convince her in a day, if at all. I know how frustrating it is, but don't take her decision personally. Ultimately, it's up to her to decide how to feed her child. While you will certainly be sad if she chooses artificial feeding (and call it that instead of formula, BTW), if she has all the information and still makes a decision to give artificial baby milk, then you have done your best and hers was, sadly, an informed decision.<br><br>
If she's open to reading about breastfeeding, a copy of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325&tag=motheringhud-20&location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FThats-What-Theyre-Definitive-Breastfeeding%2Fdp%2F159337285X%2Fref%3Dsr_1_1%2F102-6586064-7412169%3Fie%3DUTF8%26s%3Dbooks%26qid%3D1179235493%26sr%3D8-1" target="_blank">So That's What They're For!</a> might be a great eye-opener.
 

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This is what I would do:<br><br>
1) Get the word out about the power of colostrum. Getting her to put the baby to the breast to get that gold is the first step to her seeing that this is a good thing. It might also kick start that bonding process and make her want to keep going.<br><br>
Hers one link on colostrum but you can find many more:<br><a href="http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/colostrum.html" target="_blank">http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/colostrum.html</a><br><br><br>
2) Print out 101 reasons to breastfeed for her:<br><br><a href="http://www.promom.org/101/" target="_blank">http://www.promom.org/101/</a><br><br>
3) Talk about ease of use. Tell her my story:<br><br>
I was in Buffalo in October and there was a huge freak snowstorm (they never happen that early). We only got hours warning and all the power went out. Trees fell everywhere because they still have their leaves and were weighed down by the snow. The pumping plant went out and we then had no clean water or power. We couldnt leave the house as the road was covered in trees. The whole city was a mass state of emergency.<br><br>
But I could breastfeed. I didn't have to worry about my son and how he would get food.<br><br><br>
Another story:<br><br>
I decided to go to playtime at gymboree and afterwards another mom invited us to lunch and then the zoo. I didn't have to worry about stopping at home to get bottles or more formula, my son's food was portable and always there! we got to have a great time!<br><br><br>
Another story:<br><br>
Our plane got stranded on the runway. We were on that freaking runway 2.5 hours waiting to take off and then the trip was a further 7 hours. I didn't have to worry about having enough formula. My milk was there for my son, as much as he wanted and more.
 

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As my DH puts it...Who wants to get out of bed, in the middle of the night, to mix a bottle of formula when your breast is right there! (Heck you whip out the breast and can go back to sleep! With a bottle you have to stay awake through the feeding...)<br><br>
You don't have to worry about packing bottles...You are always carrying it with you!!<br><br>
500 calories a day...what else is better than that!<br><br>
You know what your baby is taking in, and your baby won't be allergic to you...like they can be to formula.<br><br>
There is nothing more awsome than sitting cuddled to your little one as he/she nurses looking up at you with loving eyes...and you know it's because he/she is so happy for the mommys milk.
 

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Sometimes people need the "selfish" reasons to BF. Such as, lowered risk of breast cancer in the mother, easier time losing post pregnancy pounds, uterus returning back to size...<br><br>
I can't imagine what's easier than BF'ing. It's always available, always the right temp, no need to carry anything and it's free! (Just imagine what she could buy for herself with the thousands of $$$'s she'll be saving.)<br><br>
Oh, and also the time savings since her baby will be healthier and spending less time at the ped.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Martha_2sons</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8125556"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I can't imagine what's easier than BF'ing. It's always available, always the right temp, no need to carry anything and it's free! (Just imagine what she could buy for herself with the thousands of $$$'s she'll be saving.)</div>
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Oh that is a good one Martha!! I'd actually love to see how much can be saved!!
 

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Don't forget to tell her, BF doesn't mean Dad can never ever give baby a bottle, or she can't leave baby for an evening--there's always EBM! (yes, it's not quite ideal but many women are comforted knowing that they can have that break from the baby)
 

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Honestly if she just found out she's pregnant she is probably overwhelmed. I was for sure. I have a friend who did the breastfeeding campaign with me and I was just so emotional and hormonal despite knowing all she said was true I really wanted to tell her to leave me the bleep alone! On the bright side I felt no need to stay out of her business when it came to discussing circumsicion!<br><br>
You have plenty of time to talk to her about it. Gently encouraging her to take a breastfeeding class and telling her how lovely an experience it is and how after the birth it feels like the most natural thing in the world to do. The best support you can offer is to be there AFTER the birth. If I'd had someone to encourage me more (insisting on calling lactation consultant, going to rent me a better pump) and offer suggestions perhaps things would have gone differently for me.
 

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Another thought based on something a friend did. She also had a pregnant friend who wasn't sure about BF'ing. What she did was to simply really enjoy BF'ing her DD in front of the pregnant friend. That way the friend got to have a positive, loving, peaceful image of BF'ing.
 

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If you think she will read it, I'd give her a copy of "So That's What They're For" (Janet Tomaso, rev. 3rd ed.)<br><br>
It's written for mainstreamers who may come to bf info from a skeptical perspective, and it's an easy, humorous read.
 

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Another poster mentioned not giving her links or printed material to read. I would advise to give it to her or to read it yourself and talk about it with her. The colostrum angle has worked for me so many times. I have found that so many moms don't know what colostrum is and are very empowered when they find out about the changes that occur in breastmilk and the amazing gold that it all is. Sometimes I might even then go with a "just at least give your baby the gift of colostrum" angle and take it from there...I have had a lot of success with that, too...moms start and then continue because they see how wonderful it is.<br><br>
I have found that sometimes seeing the power of these things in print is more effective for some people than talking about them. If you know her well enough, try to decide which would be most powerful for her.
 

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I would give her "Adventures in Tandam Nursing"; it has a lot pf good bf'ing info even for someone who has never nursed!<br><br><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325&tag=motheringhud-20&location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FAdventures-Tandem-Nursing-Breastfeeding-Pregnancy%2Fdp%2F0912500972" target="_blank">http://www.amazon.com/Adventures-Tan.../dp/0912500972</a><br><br>
The first trimester probably isn't a good time to try to persuade her; at that time I'm sick, depressed, and generally grumpy.<br><br>
Later on I would recommend a swaddle me blanket (no imitations) and a nursing nest. Most babies sleep better swaddled and the nursing nest positions properly for her. #1 would have been a better bfing experience with these two things.
 

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I always go with the informed decision angle. Most moms who have this "too much work" attitude believe that formula really is an equivalent choice. I just gently offer information (as in the consequences and risks of not giving a baby human milk) , while conveying that it is (of course) her choice what she does with the info. I make it clear (just in case she's defensive) that I know she is a grownup and not stupid, and I ask if it's OK that I offer information.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>i'mmykid'$mom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8128139"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would give her "Adventures in Tandam Nursing"; it has a lot pf good bf'ing info even for someone who has never nursed!</div>
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I'm sure it's a great book. But if I were pregnant for the first time and not at all into the idea of breastfeeding - and someone gave me a book about bf TWO kids at once, I would run screaming for the hills.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Turkish Kate</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8125491"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Go easy on her, you probably won't be able to convince her in a day, if at all. I know how frustrating it is, but don't take her decision personally. Ultimately, it's up to her to decide how to feed her child. While you will certainly be sad if she chooses artificial feeding (and call it that instead of formula, BTW), if she has all the information and still makes a decision to give artificial baby milk, then you have done your best and hers was, sadly, an informed decision.<br><br>
If she's open to reading about breastfeeding, a copy of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325&tag=motheringhud-20&location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FThats-What-Theyre-Definitive-Breastfeeding%2Fdp%2F159337285X%2Fref%3Dsr_1_1%2F102-6586064-7412169%3Fie%3DUTF8%26s%3Dbooks%26qid%3D1179235493%26sr%3D8-1" target="_blank">So That's What They're For!</a> might be a great eye-opener.</div>
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I agree with this approach. Give her info. and then back off. It's ultimately her choice.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>msumomma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8125397"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">help, 1st time mom says bf is too much work...</div>
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Tell her to try to put her alarm clock every two hours or so at night and then she has to get up RIGHT AWAY, run to the kitchen, make a bottle and run back. Then tell her that while she will be doing it her baby will be screaming hus/her head off. Is that alot of work or what?! This will help her to get the idea.<br>
On the other hand, if she bf and co-sleep, she just needs to roll over and stick her boob in the baby's mouth <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> .<br>
yulia.
 

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I'm sure others have said this, but the first thing I think of when people say bfing is too much work is how much easier it is to pull out my boob rather than have to go measure, pour, shake bottles when baby is hungry... And the last thing I want to do is add more things to my sink that need to be washed...
 
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