[xzaviers_mama]

I recently posted another topic about feeling like something just isn't "right" with my toddler, and I will be talking with our pedi about that soon. However, in the meantime... what in the world do I do with this behavior? He goes into these fits of rage, where you can't pick him up, can't walk away, can't hug him, can't talk to him, can't ignore him.... My main goal becomes keeping him safe, because he thrashes all over, and doesn't seem to care that he's banging his head onto walls/floors/furniture.

He's not really verbal at all, and I feel like most of this is frustration... but I cannot stand the constant hitting. And I do mean constant. Some days, it's like one 12 hour long fit. He even wakes up in the middle of the night, and will throw an hour long fit, that involves hitting me, kicking me, and pinching me. I'm out of ideas on how to deal with this. We try to hold his hands down, and keep telling him "gentle touches", or "hitting hurts!"... but nothing helps.

How do I teach him that this is not okay?

 

[journeymom]

I can't read and not post a response. You definitely have your hands full!

How do you teach him that this isn't OK? I don't think you can, if he's not ready to receive the message. I don't think you can if he can't learn it.

But you should keep doing what you're doing. I know it doesn't seem like it's working, but until you can get him to his pediatrician, you can only continue to keep him and yourself safe. And just keep repeating, "Ow, that hurts me!" "When you pinch me it hurts me." He might not be actively receiving the message but when he's developmentally in a better place to listen and learn, he will have been getting the message all along. The message that it's not OK will have been reinforced all along.

Many hugs to you. Sounds like you're in an exhausting situation. I hope you and your dh can give each other breaks. Take care of yourself!

 

[xzaviers_mama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by journeymom

I can't read and not post a response. You definitely have your hands full!

How do you teach him that this isn't OK? I don't think you can, if he's not ready to receive the message. I don't think you can if he can't learn it.

But you should keep doing what you're doing. I know it doesn't seem like it's working, but until you can get him to his pediatrician, you can only continue to keep him and yourself safe. And just keep repeating, "Ow, that hurts me!" "When you pinch me it hurts me." He might not be actively receiving the message but when he's developmentally in a better place to listen and learn, he will have been getting the message all along. The message that it's not OK will have been reinforced all along.

Many hugs to you. Sounds like you're in an exhausting situation. I hope you and your dh can give each other breaks. Take care of yourself!

Thanks mama! It is extremely exhausting. I just go from one extreme to the other.... on one hand, I feel like my head will explode if he slaps me across the face ONE more time. On the other hand, he just looks miserable. He's soooo obviously frustrated, and it's like he just cannot get his point across. Sometimes he'll just flop to the floor on his belly, with his little forehead on the ground... like he's just given up on trying to get us to understand. It hurts my heart.

I have no clue what the middle of the night tantrums are about. DH thought it could possibly be night terrors, but he does the same thing in the middle of the day... so I don't know.

For now, I will just keep reinforcing the "we do not hit" message, and hope that some day it clicks.

I certainly hope we get some things figured out before this new baby comes along... Yikes!

 

[journeymom]

I added another comment to your post in Special Needs. I just want to encourage you to make that appointment with his pediatrician if you haven't already. Hugs.

 

[prescottchels]

Have you considered teaching him some basic signs? If he has even a simple way to communicate it might help a little... I've been reading a blog by an autistic girl, not saying your dc is autistic, but this gal had major tantrums like that and they never could figure out what to do for her, but once she was able to communicate she could tell her parents that she wanted to crawl out of her skin and that it felt as though things were crawling on her all the time, and there was just so much sensory overload all she could do was scream and thrash.

Dietary changes can help ease things up too.

Good Luck Mama! I've worked with lots of special needs kiddos and they're challenging, but they have amazing gifts for us too! Hang in there.

 

[xzaviers_mama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by prescottchels

Have you considered teaching him some basic signs? If he has even a simple way to communicate it might help a little... I've been reading a blog by an autistic girl, not saying your dc is autistic, but this gal had major tantrums like that and they never could figure out what to do for her, but once she was able to communicate she could tell her parents that she wanted to crawl out of her skin and that it felt as though things were crawling on her all the time, and there was just so much sensory overload all she could do was scream and thrash.

Dietary changes can help ease things up too.

Good Luck Mama! I've worked with lots of special needs kiddos and they're challenging, but they have amazing gifts for us too! Hang in there.

I was actually an ASL interpreter before I was a mama, so I've done signing with all 3 of my little guys! Jayce does know a handful... more, dog, grapes, apple, peach, water, all done, shoes, milk...

I do feel like he picks those up easier than verbal words.

I just had a thought... maybe I will work with him on feeling words, like "mad", and "sad". Maybe those signs would be helpful to him when he's having a meltdown...? Honestly, when he's in a full blown tantrum, it's like NOTHING gets through to him. Maybe it's because he doesn't have the right "words" (signs) to feel like he can explain himself...

 

[xzaviers_mama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by journeymom

I added another comment to your post in Special Needs. I just want to encourage you to make that appointment with his pediatrician if you haven't already. Hugs.

Going there now!

 

[prescottchels]

Quote:

Originally Posted by xzaviers_mama

I was actually an ASL interpreter before I was a mama, so I've done signing with all 3 of my little guys! Jayce does know a handful... more, dog, grapes, apple, peach, water, all done, shoes, milk...

I do feel like he picks those up easier than verbal words.

I just had a thought... maybe I will work with him on feeling words, like "mad", and "sad". Maybe those signs would be helpful to him when he's having a meltdown...? Honestly, when he's in a full blown tantrum, it's like NOTHING gets through to him. Maybe it's because he doesn't have the right "words" (signs) to feel like he can explain himself...

I think that would help him a lot! I'm so glad you both already have a head start w/signing. It makes life sooo much easier. You might also add sensations like itchy like a bug bite, tickly, tight, loud, bright, hot-too many clothes/blankets, hungry/thirsty. Think sensory overload things that might set him off...

 

[accountclosed3]

I wanted to add some hugs for you.

Sounds like you have a lot going on, and it may be a gut issue that's setting him off, so definitely look into any sort of sensitivity in that area (that's just an intuitive, stab in the dark situation).

In the mean time, get him (and you) outside as much as possible. It can help burn off energy and just makes people feel better in general.

Good luck!