Mothering Forum banner

1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
47 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am so depressed, upset, sad, angry, hurt, and overwhelmed. I feel like I have a complicated situation but I think it's just that I don't know anyone else like me. My dd just turned one and is soooo passionate. She is definitely a high need child. She has been experimenting with throwing fits, hitting, scratching, biting, and pulling her hair. I don't understand this behavior and I don't know what to do! I need help! Everyone tells me it is a sign to quit nursing and start spanking. I just don't accept that. I had very strict discipline/spanking/yelling growing up and I refuse to be that kind of parent. But at the same time I am a very mild mannered caring person who hates to see other people suffer. I want dd to learn to be kind and learn limits and learn other ways to express her negative feelings. But I don't know how to teach this gently because I was not taught gently. Does this make sense?<br><br>
Also, I don't know anyone else who has nursed for more than a year or nursed past the first bite. She bit the nipple, pulled on it with her teeth and her teeth scratched it to bleeding. (She has 8 teeth and is walking.) Then last night it was so sore I couldn't nurse her on that side. I want to continue nursing and I want to continue gentle discipline but I don't want to let her hurt me or others and I don't want her to be a mean "brat". She has bitten me lightly in the past and I got her to stop by taking her away from the breast, a firm "no that hurts be gentle", and putting her down on the floor.<br><br>
But now she is doing it again along with the scratching etc. She looks me or dh right in the eye and reaches her hand out to scratch us as if she is searching for limits or attention. I really just don't know how to deal with this. And since everyone keeps saying it is a sign to quit nursing and start spanking I am starting to wonder if I should start trying to wean her. But she is still exclusively nursing and doesn't drink formula or cows milk at all. She doesn't eat solids very much either. The only thing she takes from a bottle is water.<br><br>
My dd is very affectionate and loving too but has these angry attention getting moments. I feel like this is a discipline issue or teaching limits issue more than a nursing issue but it is definitely affecting nursing. I am confused between being gentle and natural or disciplining enough to change this behavior. Also, she is our first and only child and we tried 7 years before conceiving her. I am afraid of being too lenient with her and consequently causing her to become a mean or selfish person. I really need help.<br><br>
Sincerely,<br><br>
Carrie<br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
380 Posts
*hugs* Carrie, oh I have been there and can tell you it gets better. I think you are very right in that she is looking for her limits while trying to convey something to you and your dh. Konur did the same exact thing and we finally figured it out that it was a combination of him being tired and hungry, and him trying to tell us something and we were not paying attention. I am still nursing Konur, and do not see how one thing has to do with another. The nursing bond is very helpful to get past these times and keep the relationship between you two healthy.<br><br>
Have you tried, "gentle hands"? Taking her hands and gently stroking your face and as soon as she does it on her own, change the activity. "We only use gentle hands" was a big phrase in our house during that time. I cant see the logic in saying" you must be gentle/not hurt us" and then spanking her. You need to send the message of love along with the boundaries of this is not an acceptable way to convey your emotions.<br><br>
Maybe use your words to convery her emotions? "I know you are frustrated/angry/sad, and that is okay. Please use gentle hands though." Konur pretty much stopped doing it when we had him touch the part that he hurt in a gentle way, then changed the activity immediatly. We distracted him away from that behavior and it worked for us.<br><br>
Good luck to you, you are not alone.
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
Top