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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm at my wits end!!! I am on the verge of pulling my son out of school just because I don't want to deal with him refusing to turn in assignments!<br><br>
Let me start at the beginning. My son is 10 in 5th grade. He was adopted at around the age of 5. He has had numerous problems including diagnosis with adhd, ptsd, odd, and a couple others I disagreed with. He is on medication and we are now (this year only) having trouble with him not doing work in school, clowning off when he's supposed to work and then he does homework at home but refuses to turn it in. He lies to the teachers saying he didn't do it when it's in his desk and he lies to us saying he has "tiny" bits of homework when he's tons...<br><br>
Ok, well, I just don't know if "hounding" him will work. I seriously doubt it, but I don't want to just allow him to fail either. We're working with the teachers, but we are all being lied to and there's just no way to double check every move he makes....<br><br>
Please help give me some ideas! At this point I'll listen to anything!<br>
Mcaws
 

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At your son's age, they are just beginning to feel the need to fit in, and be cool. For some reason, it has become un-cool to be smart, and to do your work and behave in class. Suddenly, what the other kids think, outweighs all other reasoning.<br>
You say that he's doing his work and then not turning it in; can you gather his homework on the sly, and turn it in to the teacher, say once a week, when your son's class is out? That way, his work will be counted, and he'll feel like he's still one of the guys. You might have to do this for a while, as this phase lasts a long time.
 

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This sounds so frustrating! How do you think it will work if you let natural consequences occur for him--which would be, his grades would be lower for not turning in his homework? This would only work if he is motivated in other ways, and cares about pleasing you (which many children with his background may struggle with). If he has had any difficulties with attachment, he may be self-sabotaging; or self-defeating behavior. This is complicated and we could pm on it if you wanted since it's slightly off -topic. There are lots of good resources for parenting children with complex histories, including ways to deal with homework and school issues. Let me know if you want any titles.
 

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Perhaps, instead of presenting it to him that you have "allowed" him to fail, you could let him just exercise his independence. Would you be willing to let him homeschool or even unschool for a period of time? He sounds really bright, but frustrated with the way the system manipulates him. In return, he is trying to manipulate the system. Would he respond if you gave him a task? I am thinking of something like maintaining the family garden, or volunteering with something like "Meals on Wheels", both of which have very straightforward goals and pretty clear processes for achieving those goals.<br><br>
I don't agree with collecting his work on the sly and turning it in for him. (I think it is dishonest to do this kind of thing to a child.) In Grade 5, it isn't the work that counts, it is the complete picture of participating fully in school. I do, however, agree that the social side being cool by not doing the work is very prevalent in schools. It can vary class by class (dd's teacher this year noted that there is a lot of "positive peer pressure" in her class, which makes her job a lot easier) and it might be worth asking for a transfer to another teacher.
 

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It sounds like homework and school are not very interesting to him. I think if a teacher is willing to be creative, class can be interesting for everyone. Maybe have a talk with the teacher about different teaching strategies?<br><br>
Homework is largely useless, and it could be this child knows that. He may be smarter than a great deal of adults.<br><br>
And, as many of us know, medications commonly used in children can cause erratic and unusual behavior, sometimes after a long period of working well. I would suggest asking him if he is ok with being on them, or how he would feel about tapering to a lower dose.<br><br>
Ask if he is having a new problem at school. He could be being bullied, harassed, or having other serious problems that are seemingly unrelated to academic performance.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thank you all for your timely responses! I needed that... I finally got out of him what the real problem is... You know how we so often think children should and do think like we do? Well, I've heard the teacher say before "he should ...." Well, his teacher (one of 2 regular half day teachers) is off after having a baby and having a sub is really getting to him! It's not that he dislikes her, but that he wants HIS teacher! So I told the other teacher that she needs to remember that he thinks differently than us and isn't coping. I told her not to "should" the situation...<br><br>
We'll see how it goes. Thanks again <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 
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