Help! I am raising a "cry baby" ??

961 Views 4 Replies 4 Participants Last post by levar, Jun 16, 2004

levar

Discussion Starter · Jun 15, 2004

I do not know what to do. My son is 4 and for the last two years since we moved (from CA to WA) he has had a complete breakdown almost every time we leave anywhere or anyone leaves. When it comes time to leave the park he crys his heart out. When guests go home he bawls his eyes out.

Recently he crys when he is hit by playmates. When he gets a "boo boo". When he gets scared by playmates yelling too loudly "in his face". Or when he has his "feelings" hurt by playmates (usually at playgrounds by girls playing "girls only" games). Honestly things that the other kid(s) shouldn't do, but they do. Also other kid(s) should aplogize for, but they don't. FYI We have been pretty involved with having Taylor apologize right away for his own transgretions, and although it has occured to me as soemthing to try I dont want to back off of that just yet if I can help it. Seems to me that even though other kids dont apologize, Taylor still should.

Up until recently I havent given alot of worry to this. For "time to go" I have tried warning times, fun things after departure, rewards for happy "goodbyes", and lately even explaining and over exageratedly exampling "Thank you for playing, I am sad we/you are leaving, but look forward to playing again..." etc. For crying as "the injured party" I have tried to guide him toward resolving on his own. Did you ask them (nicely) not to do "that"? Did you tell them (nicely) that they hurt your feelings? Did you do something to provoke them? Etc.

Now I am getting really worried about it though. His playmates (the regular ones) are getting old enough to SAY they dont want to play with him because he is crying all the time. Of course this is true, but still hurtful. I have also noticed that although (most) of the parents dont say anything directly, they dont want to have playdates with Taylor either because (I assume?) they dont want their children to learn to behave similarly. (One mother *did* say this though and implyed she wasn't alone in her attitude.)

My husband and I have talked about this and he is/was telling me to just take Taylor to MORE playdates. I am not convinced. We go to the zoo every Friday. We go to the Aquarium every Wednesday. He was in preschool every Tue and Thur. We go to the Library every Tue afternoon and playground every Thur afternoon. The only weekday we are home is Mon. We have also recently added a 2-4 hr playdate Mon afternoons with the nieghbor girl. To me this is plenty of activity and in fact I think we're getting too tired? And maybe that was why he cryed so easily?

PS. As a child, and even an adult, I also tend to cry more often than others. And for a man my husband is also very "sensative". So it doesnt suprise me that we have this concern with Taylor. Since we dont know quite what to do about our own sensativities, we are at a loss of how to "coach" or son too.

OK. That is about all I can think of that might be related or that we've attemped. I must already thank everyone here because I have gotten what ideas I have from others posting topics. And thank you for reponding to this one too.

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Leatherette

· #2 · Jun 16, 2004

I think it's a stage. My son is three and a half, and we have been going through similar things. For a while, it was freaking out when we left playdates. Now that is better, but he is now overreacting to hurting himself. He scraped his arm yesterday, and *screamed* for 45 minutes. I thought he fractured his arm, the way he was screaming. They have been noticing this at pre-school, too.

He is also asking a lot of higher-level questions right now. I think they get a little scared as they learn more about the world and life and regress a little. I just hug him and let him cry until he's done. It is frustrating, especially when he sets off his little sister with it, and I have a puddle of tears in each arm, feeling like a mom who does not have it together.

I want him to feel comfortable crying when he needs to. My parents laughed at me when I cried, as far back as I could remember. It is still hard for me to cry. I hope no one ever calls your son a crybaby.

L.

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flight

· #3 · Jun 16, 2004

Just a thought, take it or leave it...maybe LESS playdates for awhile?
-He wouldn't be hit or excluded by other kids. (His "friends.")
-He wouldn't have other kids telling him he cries too much.
-He wouldn't have to say bye to the kids.
-He could have some quiet alone time or just-mom-or-dad time at the zoo, museum, a different new park, wherever.

If you are comfortable talking to the other parents, maybe your playgroup could agree on a simple rule or 2, like "no hitting" or "you can't say you can't play." Would make it more friendly for everyone, and much easier on your DS.

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TiredX2

· #4 · Jun 16, 2004

That sounds like a lot of activity to me. Different kids are different, though.

How does he do when alone with you? The same amt of crying (over frustrating/accidents/etc...), less or more?

Hey, we're in Redmond--- maybe we should just get together

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levar

Discussion Starter · #5 · Jun 16, 2004

Thank you all for replying! I am glad to hear someone else is going through this too? I honestly was begining to think I was alone.

I posted this *because* a playmate called Taylor a "cry baby" to his face. Sigh. I was trying to think "it's a phase" until then. I was caught off guard when the boy said it and said "You're not a Baby. But you are crying?" And said to the other kid "Please don't name call." But it *did* get me to thinking... since although that was said infront of me, who knows what he's been told at other times.

I do think Taylor gets pretty harsh regard from other children (and parents) about this. When I do talk with other parents they think he is a year or two older. (A 5 not 4 yr old in class. At least a 6 or 7 yr old in playground.) He is the tallest kid AND he is very very communicative for his age. Even the older kids think he is "their age". His friends range in age from 4 to 9 with him actually being the youngest even though it doesnt seem like it.

He is "less" tearful with me. Not by much, but a little. He is actually "more" sometimes when both he is with me AND Dad. ("Less" with Dad alone.) I think it is because 1) I am of course not 'bullying' him and 2) I am more sure of the difference between "real" pain and not I think.

I am leaning toward less playdates. We've cut out preschool for the summer (and therefore the Tue Thur afternoon stuff too) and I decided *not* to sign him up for anything else until Camp in Aug. We are leaving in two weeks to go on a month long road trip to visit my parents and camping etc. I think after reading here I will try (harder) to relax and let it all be until we get back. Hopefully he'll be able to relax too?

Thanks again and keep 'em coming!

PS. We get back from our trip end of July and would LOVE to visit the "east side" in August! [email protected]

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