Mothering Forum banner
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
392 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
and I'm this close to hitting DS. I feel like I can't take it anymore. I know he's just being a little kid- doing things like stopping every 2 feet to investigate rocks on the ground, crawling all over the car instead of getting into his seat etc but it drives me nuts. I've been reading the "Yell at this thread" thread but it's not so funny anymore cause I actually do yell things like "JUST GET IN YOUR DAMN SEAT!!!". I've read so many books on GD but I just can't seem to put it into practice. The heat doesn't help- I just don't have it in me to stand in the 100 degree heat waiting patiently while he takes his time getting out of the car. I'm usually holding the baby so she's getting an earful of me yelling at DS- not the way I want her to learn how to talk. I just don't know what to do and all I want to do all day is crawl back in bed and escape.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,714 Posts
the heat is driving me nuts too and i think me and my little people are all less than our best and i feel like yelling a lot right now too

sorry i cannot be very constructive

i am not sure how to help, but what is making me fee better is making a plan for tomorrow so iknow we have places to go and things to do to keep us all happy and busy and being able to getmyself organised for tomorrow so i know what we need to do and i feel organised

something else i have noticed is that chocolate seems to make me more patient and relaxed!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,062 Posts
Sorry you are feeling so stressed out and the heat doesn't help. I probably can't be much help to you but is there any way you can get a break? I am much calmer now my kids are older and was very stressed out, just the multitude of stuff to do with young kids, if you try and get into a state of mind where you don't mind the stuff they do even when you are having to hurry or whatever it doesn't seem to matter so much, kids will do what they do whether we are stressed or calm, I feel it's a lot to do with all those little or big deadlines we have to meet and kids messin about sure don't help.Some days I really don't want/feel like doing anything. Just try to stay calm and focussed,hard if you are not feeling on top of the world, and keep on your own path even when the kids are distracting you real bad,as for yelling yes it's not good for any of you and I have felt my blood pressure just rocketing,and I hate myself for getting so stressed, but still nothing is gained from it,it can be a hard one to learn but just keep talking calm and eventually you will be heard! I have found that kids will often just not do what you ask em and no amount of yelling will change that, you need to get em on your side and just not get bothered with it all,hard I know but it can be done and will save you your sanity,of course I don't mean not telling them when they are doing something out of order, hope you have a good day tomorrow.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
929 Posts
I'm with you, mama. Ds is driving me to the point where I actually feel anger and resentment towards him. Mostly because he's being mean to dd, like if she wants to play with something he has, he smashes her tiny finger with it. And he got up out of his bed 9 times last night between the hours of 12 and 6. Of course, perfectly orchestrated with enough time in between "wakings" to let dh and I drift off, only to be snapped out of sleep again.
I feel myself gritting my teeth, using a less than kind and patient voice with him, wanting to scream in his face and pull his hair out! Sometimes I feel like I can't even see straight, I'm so angry with him. I NEVER would have thought I would be this kind of mother.
So, I have no advice, because I'm at a loss myself, but just know that you are not alone, and if there is anything you can do to take the edge off, and have some mama time, go for it! I'm really trying to get to bed at 10 each night, and eat good food, b/c I really feel depleted and vulnerable. This is a TOUGH JOB!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,938 Posts
A few weeks ago I felt like I was on the verge of just losing it for good (I'd yelled at her TWICE that week in a bad, bad way and it was a signal that something was very wrong).

Then I found this: Ten Ways We Misunderstand Children and a light when off in my head. I found that I'd been making ALL of those mistakes (er, misunderstanding DD).

But, of course, "knowing" is only part of the battle.

I needed a plan for when I got mad. So, I first set a plan of prevention (which in our case includes staying home this week, improving our diets, making sure we get extra rest and sleep). I needed to know what to DO when I get mad . . .I've tried holding in my feelings (ya know, you can explain some things to a DC, but some feelings are, IMO, too intense to be shared with a child). That's always backfired on me . . .so my plan is to treat her as I'd want to be treated (I know that's obvious) AND THEN write down what happened . . .it could be just to document it or to explain my feelings. That gives me a healthy outlet. So far, due to our prevention plan, I have not had to do that, but it is so nice to know what I CAN do instead of what I can't (just like we try to emphasize with our DC).

to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and also, (not trying to offend) have you considered PPD?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,839 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Moochie Mamma
and I'm this close to hitting DS. I feel like I can't take it anymore. I know he's just being a little kid- doing things like stopping every 2 feet to investigate rocks on the ground, crawling all over the car instead of getting into his seat etc but it drives me nuts. I've been reading the "Yell at this thread" thread but it's not so funny anymore cause I actually do yell things like "JUST GET IN YOUR DAMN SEAT!!!". I've read so many books on GD but I just can't seem to put it into practice. The heat doesn't help- I just don't have it in me to stand in the 100 degree heat waiting patiently while he takes his time getting out of the car. I'm usually holding the baby so she's getting an earful of me yelling at DS- not the way I want her to learn how to talk. I just don't know what to do and all I want to do all day is crawl back in bed and escape.

Were you at my house a few days ago? Cause the exact thing happened to me! Except I was trying to get 4 kiddos in the my CAR+NO SPACE+lots of car seats+100 degrees=
Mama

I just read the article that Mizelenius wrote about...and well...
It seems so simple, why didn't I get it before? oh well thanks
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,938 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by kyndmamaof4
I just read the article that Mizelenius wrote about...and well...
It seems so simple, why didn't I get it before? oh well thanks

It is simple and obvious BUT I still find it hard to override my own sense if immaturity at bad times. That's my issue.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
324 Posts
I just had to reply because I too often find myself in the same situation, and it looks as tho our sons are around the same age.

I have learned over the past couple of years that when I think he is going through a tough behavioral stage, I start to tighten the screws on him for a while (yelling a lot, etc). Then I make a marked change in my response and reaction to ds' behavior. And that is what always works. But it seems I go through the yucky response first to get to the solution.

I make a focused PHYSICAL effort not to yell or give time outs (which I'm now giving up, thanks to some great Grace-Based-Discipline reading I'm doing). I have to rachet down my own voice, and control the tension throughout my body that's just looking for an outlet! If it's his lollygagging, I remind him about what we need to do together....if it's "meanness" on his part I tell him it's a good time to try to figure out how to calm his body down. That it's ok to be mad, but it really matters how we express our anger.

I do a few little things to relieve my stress...including a pedicure every now and then with a good massage chair, taking him over to spend some time at my sister's house, etc.

I teach him responsbility to our family in his behavior and I have to work to model it as well. Frankly, it kind of boils down to will power sometimes.

Hang in there!!
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top