[kisagotami]

I recently became aware that my spending addiction might be directly connected to my emotions, but the fact that I know that doesn't change anything. Some times I get bored and just go crazy, every thing I buy has a rationalization. For example I just bought a butt-load of knitting stuff because it's my goal to knit Christmas presents for every one. I bought a bunch of clothes for ds and rationalized that he deserves it and I like him too look nice because I had to wear second hand clothes growing up (ds is 15 mo old)I also shop out of boredom and loneliness, I'm a SAHM.

Can anyone help me with some tips on how to control myself? Or is my only hope a 12 step program?

 

[letabug]

that is totally me! It helps me to go "shopping" online and put stuff in a shopping cart and then I delete it! I still get the satisfaction of shopping with out the buyers remourse. I don't know if this would help everyone but it sure does me. Yesterday I picked out about 4 outfits for myself and when I was done I just emptied the cart.

 

[McFeelings]

Why you are reluctant to seek out a 12-step group like Debtor's Anonymous? If you get honest with yourself about the answer to that questions, you'll know whether or not you need to seek outside help.

 

[oneotamama]

subbing to the thread. It's me too. I do like the idea of filling a cart and then emptying it. I can see where that would work b/c sometimes when the actual package arrives the excitement is gone. But I do love online shopping. My current fascination is mama pads. I love looking at all the fabric choices. How weird is that?!

 

[Staceyy]

yahoo has a shopping addicts group and there is also spenders.org on the net.

 

[2busy2clean]

Retail therapy has its advantages and disadvantages! lol. It is a quick fix to blah feelings, but it can be expensive and the good feelings do not last long. So, you need to find other ways that make you feel better, that do not cost a lot of money. Instead of shopping, spend time with a friend, (someone non-judmental that makes you feel good) play happy music, play with the kiddo's, read a good book, (a happy book please!) walk in the park or whatever touches your soul and brings you joy.
You need to educate yourself to the things in life that bring you joy and the things that drag you down. And don't ever let anyone else tell you what should make you happy!!
Treat the problem, not the symptoms!

 

[*andiflipping*]

subbing

 

[TzippityDoulah]

this happens to most of us. Tv and ads have us thinking shopping is fun and we deserve new fun things. When we get bored lonely or self conscious we go against our better judgement in a moment of weakness.

The best idea is to limit those ideas from entering your head or haning out with people who shop a lot. then find something NOW you can go when you're feelng this way. if you don't find another outlet you'll just end up spending again.

Also confront your feelings. don't pass them off and ignore them Maye those feelings are telling you something important and you keep shopping instead to make them go away. if you ignore your feelings and emotions they will keep finding ways to pop out and make you notice.

HTH

 

[Valian]

I think you have to know yourself, then come up with a personal solution. I have gone through phases like this, almost like a binge/purge cycle since I am usually very frugal.

If I can't resist buying something(s) in a store, but I am aware that they are not necessary purchases, I will simply leave the bags in the car when I get home, or I'll bring them in the house but leave them out of sight (full and with the recipts in them). If I haven't opened the bag or touched it by the end of a few days or week, then I'll go back to the store and return the items. If I'm in a binge cycle, I'll mostly just exchange them to keep filling my "need to buy". But, I usually manage to buy fewer things the next time around, and maybe they are on sale.

This pattern works for me because I find it hard to fight the initial buy impulse, but I know I can handle not keeping the things and taking them back. If you won't be able to keep yourself from cutting off tags immediately, then don't try this!

Its also important to consider if these purchases are hurting you financially. I was never going into debt for mine, just spending more than my frugal nature wanted to. If you are spending the grocery money on clothes, then you have a different kind of problem.

 

[kisagotami]

I'm not going into debt with my habit, but I am spending money I should be saving. I'd like to own a house some day. I get buyer remourse big time, I look at my son and feel really guilty for not being a more responsible mom.

You guys have given me a lot of ideas though. I think exercise will help a lot. And I might check out some on line groups of people with the same problems as me. The truth is I need to fill my life with things that make me happy in a real way, not in a temporary guilt ridden way.

I also got a tip from a book I'm reading to designate "non-spending days" where I can't spend any money, not even drive a car...so tuesday and thursdays are going to be mine...I'll probably do a lot of postng on those days

 

[Om Girl]

Sometimes situations like this are caused by emotional disorders. Meaning they have a physical connection! You might want to speak with a good therapist/counselor to find the root of your "shopping problem".

 

[kisagotami]

Yeah I'm pretty sure my spending has a lot to do with my emotions. If I'm bored or lonely I tend to feel the need to shop, when I'm angry or tired and lazy...I stuff my face. I've been meditating more lately and I've found that it can help keep me a little more even. I also started taking "Rescue Remedy", a little tonic some one recomended some where else at ths site.

 

[melissel]

Aw,

mama. I totally hear you. I just came through a long phase of this myself. Funny, the end of it coincided with my reignited desire to cook again! Some of the stuff I legitimately needed--diapers, a mei tai carrier, a couple of parenting books when I was losing my you-know-what with the kids and desperately needed an attitude adjustment--but lots of others I did not. Like, just how many homeschool materials does one actually need?

Have you considered that you're a little depressed? I know my problem was/is that I'm really ticked and sad that I'm still having to work when I want to be home with the kids, so I feel "entitled" to spend the extra money however I want. But that's not getting me home any faster! You've gotten some great advice already. I'm trying to replace the shopping with other small "luxuries" now--cooking nice dinners (not filet mignon, but I recently cooked Indian food for the the first time, it was a lot of fun), making myself generously sized iced coffees in the mornings with real cream and lots of sugar, having my DH take at least my older DD places without me sometimes so I can catch a break, etc.

Also, when I'm in phases like this, I like to surround myself with books on the subject and make sure I keep reading them, even if I only get halfway through each one. They help keep me on track. I've heard wonderful things about The Millionaire Next Door, and my DH also LOVES Rich Dad, Poor Dad, but I also recommend Affluenza. There's something about reading about the rampant commercialism and acquisitiveness in this country that offers a real reality check (not that I'm one to talk lately, but hey, we're talking self-therapy here

)

Mainly though, I think you should start being kinder to yourself in the ways that matter (the free or inexpensive ones), and maybe consider finding a good therapist if it's within your means (both financially and time-wise). I had to stop going to mine after a few months for scheduling reasons, but it was VERY nice to have someone who could listen to me without feeling guilty or defensive or angry on my "behalf" or like I was a bad wife/child/parent. It was extremely freeing and meant a lot to me.

HTH!

 

[Mizelenius]

Well, what has helped me TREMENDOUSLY is to have fun money. Every 2 weeks, DH and I get our personal money that we can spend any way we please, no guilt. It goes right into my own account. I have my own debit card attached to it. I never overspend.

If I didn't have this money, I'd be lost. I'd feel guilty over everything, even things I need or just plain really want. Then I'd probably overspend. It's like telling yourself "no chocolate" and then you can't stop thinking about chocolate. If you tell yourself, "Yum. I can have chocolate in 2 hours!" it's something to look forward to, sans guilt. Once the chocolate is gone, you can say, "Hey, but I get it again in 2 hours!"

I agree that it's best to look at the deeper causes of these things, but sometimes it's helpful to get a practical solution in place in the meantime.

 

[2busy2clean]

Totally agree with the set amount of fun money!