[mamabtt]

I have a 2.5 year old son and my husband and I have always planned to have kids 3 - 3.5yrs apart. Well now that the time is upon us I am scared to death and unable to make a decision. I worry about so many things and can't figure out whether these are normal worries of most moms or whether they mean I am not ready. Here are some of my concerns:
1) I had a scary pregnancy with contractions coming regularly from week 23 on and ended up on bedrest for 3 months. Now we know I just have an irritable uterus and I don;t necessarily need bedrest but I probably won't be able to chase my son around as much as usual. My cercvix never dialated from the early contractions thankfully, and i ended up having my son at 40.5 weeks.
2) My son was "high needs/spirited" from birth (don't necessarily like to use labels but don't know how else to describe and make this short) He cried most of the time until about 1yrs old. I believe part of it was his birth experience (seperation first night at hospital, shots) and part was my oversupply which I couldn't get help with for so long - now I know how to deal with that next time. His spirited personality continues...he is *extremely* sensitive to loud noises and very shy. He doesn't like to be around groups of kids and tells me "the kids are yelling and I don't like it, I don't want to go back" He has *never* played by himself - always needs me or my husband to play with him. I have been bringing him to playgroups/LLL since 4 months old so I can't say i have isolated him and blame myself. I have come to accept this as his personality though it does get frustrating since I cannot have a conversation with another adult without him saying "mama don't talk"
3) He still doesn't sleep much and has only slept more than 3hrs stretch at night twice in his life. For the first 2 years he woke every 1-2 hours to nurse and/or be walked around the room. We are tired!

These are a few of my dilemmas but on the other hand, I *really* want him to have a sibling and I would love to have another child myself but I am so afraid that I will have another high needs child and won't be able to handle it. I have no help and we don't use babysitters so I have to do it all myself.

Gotta run, he is "calling"
Please any help or thoughts for me would be really appreciated! I know you all will understand especially sharing my parenting philosophies.

Thank you and sorry so long

 

[fyrflymommy]

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[oceanbaby]

While I don't have the same history that you do, we are in the same boat - 2.5yo ds, want another baby, but are really scared by the decision. Everything is going so well right now - ds and I have such a great time during the day, dh and I have just been able to go out a bit more, and have finally started getting more sleep - that we are so scared to throw a wrench into the works. But we have always wanted at least 2 children, and I just know that ds would really love having a sibling. And I don't want them too far apart, so we've decided that now's the time. As soon as AF is gone, we're going to start TTC. We're scared, but are just trying to have faith that it will all work out (we are a non religious family, btw, but have faith in our marriage and relationship with ds).

I really believe that children adapt to their situation, and if you, dh and your ds all have a loving, attached, close relationship, then I would probably feel secure that you could all adapt to and handle having a new baby in the family.

If you really don't feel ready, then I wouldn't feel pressured by a timeline. But if you feel ready, but are scared about the different factors, then if it were me, I'd probably go for it.

 

[manitoba_mommy]

NAK but just wanted to mention something. Even in high needs kids there is usualy a huge difference between 2.5 and 3. Why not wait the extra few months to see if that is true with your ds? If nothing else "they" say that between 3 and 6 years age difference is the easiest for everyone involved.

Just my 2 cents.

MM

 

[mamabtt]

Thank you all for your replies

I am starting to relax a bit more about making a decision. My husband keeps telling me to stop putting pressure on myself but he says he is ready to have another baby now (but will wait happily until I am ready) He is a fantastic dad/partner so I am very lucky in that respect. He also thinks I am being unrealistic in thinking that I *must* parent the second baby the same way as the first and not accept any outside help. He is opposed to strangers watching our child and doesn't even like the idea of preschool but he thnks there may be some kind of *arrangement* possible. My mother has offered lots of help but my parents are older and busy so I really can't count on them - there are also some *issues* I have with my mother's parenting philosophies and don't like her to watch my son alone unless it is really unavoidable (dr's appt, etc)

Anyway here I go rambling again. Thanks again for your help. I think we are going to probably take the plunge and make do. I think I am waiting for the feeling I had before I conceived my son which was that total confidence in the timing and preparedness, etc. HAHA - that's because I had *no* idea what I was getting myself into-lol. Now that I know what parenting is really like, I can't help but feel nervous about doing it again.

 

[Jane]

When I need to make a decision that I am struggling with, I give myself a "yes" percentage. For instance, I can never be 100% sure of anything, but I usually act when I am 90% sure. For somethings, I have a 70% level of certainty. It's just a way of thinking that gives me clarity on big decisions and small, too. I hope it will help you too.