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<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:2px;padding-left:0px;">Hi there, I'm fairly new to this forum but I have a 27mo daughter who is so Jekyll and Hyde (mostly Jekyll!) with her 8mo baby brother.  I realize that jealously is normal to an extent, but she bites, hits and squeezes which is clearly unacceptable.  Not always, but sometimes; and not just him, but us too.  She can from 'goo goo gaaing' to her brother in a sweet way to giving him an unsuspecting bite on the shoulder!  It's a terrible feeling not being able to leave them alone together.  I don't want to compare, but I can't help but notice that others with children close in age to ours not going through such rivalry to the same extent we are.  And where does she get this hitting and biting and such?? (Which is only getting worse, telling me that our disciplining du jour is clearly is not only ineffective but backfiring)!  She doesn't get it from us and doesn't exhibit this towards anyone else outside of the house (ie: in nursery or during play dates).</p>
<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:2px;padding-left:0px;"> </p>
<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:2px;padding-left:0px;">Moreover, she gets so much attention from me and my husband as we have the benefit of live-in help; in other words, I have those "extra hands" to hold brother if I need to focus on older sister or vice versa.  I'm a SAHM as well, so while I'm fairly confident that this is not a result of DD not having enough attention, I'm beginning to think this is because she has received too much attention for so long?  Is that possible?  </p>
<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:2px;padding-left:0px;"> </p>
<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:2px;padding-left:0px;">Bottom line - what are strategies to mitigate sibling rivalry at this age?  And equally, what are strategies to encourage sibling bonds and friendliness?</p>
<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:2px;padding-left:0px;"> </p>
<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-left:0px;padding-top:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-bottom:2px;padding-left:0px;">Thanks in advance for your advice.  I could really use it!</p>
 

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<p>For some reason, I can't think of any of the strategies, but the book "Siblings without Rivalries" is an excellent book with lots of good tips.  It's written in a way that's good for skimming if you don't have a lot of time to sit down and read.  I highly recommend it.</p>
 

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<p>I suggest that you talk to your daughter and tell her clearly what life in your family is all about! It's one thing to try to discipline, and another to actually explain. Children understand way more than we think they do! Tell her in words, very clearly, that you totally love and adore her, and that you also love and adore her sibling. Explain that a parent's love is not limited in any way. Explain that your love for her is completely and totally unconditional and that she does not have to do anything at all to earn that love.</p>
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<p>Tell her that you understand that she is jealous of the baby and that you understand her fear that your love for the new one will diminish your love for her. Assure her that it will not! Tell her that she has a primary place in your hearts because she is your first child that will never belong to anyone else, and assure her that she has the same capacity for love as you do. She can trust in your love, and in that trust, she can expand her own love to encompass her new sibling.</p>
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<p>Tell her that she has a primary place in his life--that who he becomes will have a lot to do with how much love and caring she shows him (without making her feel totally responsible for his wellbeing). And that the love he will give her back will make her happy!</p>
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<p>All my best wishes,</p>
<p>Robbie</p>
 
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