Help me answer this question about breastfeeding and attachment parenting

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Hmmmm, this is an interesting question. I am a breast feeding mom who does home daycare. I feel my son is more attached to me than the other children were to their mothers. Attached like, I cant leave him with anyone because he will cry hysterically if I do. Now, this may be only because I take care of him all day long and he isnt used to a lot of other people.

However, I have one boy who is 2.5 now. As an infant he was very attached to only me and his grandmother. There were only three people that he would take a bottle from, me, his grandmother and his mom. He definately formed close bonds with his immediate caregivers, regardless of the fact that he was bottlefed. He is still like this at 2.5 years.

I would have to say, it is more the temperment of the child than it is the breast or the bottle, but of course breastfeeding supports that bond. I think you can lovingly bottlefeed just as tenderly as you can breastfeed.

Paddy was breastfed exclusively until 6 months and I lost my milk supply. He went straight to the bottle. He is just as attached to me as his little brother is, heck probably MORE attached, but that's more due to his age I think. We bottle fed him with love and that's what is really important. Breastfeeding does make that bond easier, though. It sure doesn't feel like bonding getting up at 3am to mix a bottle :

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Attachment is not based on any one interaction between mother and child. Simply breastfeeding isn't enough to create a secure attachment, but it provides a solid foundation by ensuring that the mother is in close proximity and there is lots of positive physical contact. A bottle-fed baby can easily get the same positive affection by being snuggled while feeding as well.

MomtoSimon - I'm not implying that your baby is NOT attached to you, so please don't take this the wrong way. Your little one is currently approaching the age where separation anxiety is the strongest, which may be part of the reason why he freaks out when you're not around.

Honestly I think it just depends soley on the child as to how attached they are whether they are bf'd or not. My almost 4yr old was only bf'd for 4wks but he is VERY attached to me. I think really it is more about being with them and especially being a sahm (not saying that being a working mom is bad or makes thier kids not attached that is NOT what I am saying) and spending so much time with them. But yes I think Bf'ding also has alot to do with it ias well and this may not make any sense but my 10 month old is attached to me in a different way that my other children have been if that make sense but I co-sleep alot and bf'd and have done as much with her like that as I can and I didn't do that with my others so maybe it is mroe I feel more attached.....IDK but that is my best answer

i agree with the others...it depends how the child is being fed...

i pumped fulltime for my birth boys and always held them close while feeding them...talking to them, touching them, etc...my 4yo and 9mo are very attached, even when they are playing elsewhere...they are constantly coming to check up on me...

if someone were to suggest to me that my child could not be attached because i had not fed them from the breast, i think i would lose my cool...

peace...

have this to add.

I was a daycare provider in the infant/toddler class for the past year. I agree with the others that bottlefeeding can be done with love and care and that's what created the attachment vs. breastfeeding.

What I can also say however, is that I noticed two things in regards to feeding methods.

First, those babies that were breastfed and either fed bottles of ebm or nursed (another staff's baby) seemed to cry less in general. I am talking about infants 6 weeks to 5-6 months. I don't know how to relate that to their attachment to their mothers. But I definetely noticed that the formula fed infants seemed to cry more than the breastmilk fed babies. Not that the bf'ed babies didn't cry or that the ff'ed babies weren't ever happy. Just my observation.

Second, I worked at a daycare center with people from all across the board. I don't mean economically, I mean in parenting styles, etc. The mothers that fed their kids breastmilk, seemed to be generally more involved. These were the mothers that questioned us more about their day, and seemed to speak up more if they felt their child wasn't being cared for well.

So - maybe its less that breastfed babies are more attached because they are breastfeed.... maybe its that more attached mothers breastfeed to create that attachment. And yes, there are more ways to create that attachment, breastfeeding is just one of them. My statements are not meant to be "rules" but observations in patterns.

Not the only factor. My oldest DD was bottle fed, because she was adopted. I wore her in a sling all day, coslept, all that. She is very bonded to both me and her Daddy. I think the bottle feeding helped her bond to him more. But we are very close as well. I am BF this baby (bio), and don't feel any closer to her than I did to my other DD. My oldest son was only BF for a short time, and then bottlefed, and he is also very very close to both me and Daddy. If anything, I think this that is exclusively BF is not as close to her Dad .

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I wonder if this might be a result of comfort/discomfort, since formula is harder to digest? Our little one had a much harder time on regular formula than on the predigested type, and cried more if we switched him back. He was both nursed and ff'd, and definitely had a hard time with digesting the formula (sensitive to cow's milk protein). That seems to be pretty common.

I think the hormones released while nursing can help the attachment on the mother's side (which benefits the baby), but I don't know that you can say that breastfeeding will always promote a stronger attachment than ffing. There are plenty of moms who formula feed and would like to bf, and are careful to feed on demand, interact with the baby, give skin to skin contact, etc. And there are plenty of bf moms who nurse on a strict schedule, CIO, etc. So it's hard to say.

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I don't think eye contact and focusing on the babe at every feeding is necessary. If you can do that, more power to you! But I amuse(d) myself with TV, books, and the internet all the time while nursing and my kiddo turned out fine!

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I love gazing at my little one while he's nursing, but I HAVE to divert my attention elsewhere every now and then. I have needs too!