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I had a friend send me an email to tell me that her 4th child was a lazy sucker and she had to go to bottles cause he wasn't able to get anything from her and her milk supply was nill. she was actually apolagetic and asked me not to be mad at her. I just replyed that whatever worked for her family was ok with me. she had only one positive nursing ecperience with her 4 children her 3rd nursed untill she went back to work at 11 and a half months pp.<br><br>
If you are close to this friend just say how you feel. i feel it is the babys birthright to get moms milk or some sort of breastmilk. but I didn't have the guts to say this to my friendeven thou we are close. I figured she had been thro enough and more guilt put on her by me would not help her at all.<br><br>
I guess thats not very helpful. sorry.
 

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I would sympathize (what new mother couldn't use a shoulder to lean on!) and offer help if wanted. For example,<br><br>
Oh gosh, I" so sorry that you are having a hard time. I know that the first few weeks are really tough for breastfeeding, but it does get easier. If you want any help getting him back on the breast, please let me know, I'd love to help.<br><br>
JMHO. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I would just be supportive unless you have specific expertise or experience to offer. She's working with an LC so it sounds like she's put a fair amount of effort into this already. I like texmati's suggestion about offering help to get baby back to the breast (planting the seed that this is possible in case she wasn't aware).
 

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I think especially when it's recent it's a particularly delicate conversation. It's so easy to accidentally offend, emotions are so raw over the struggles in a breastfeeding relationship especially when a mother has recently weaned .... Having had some huge struggles with my first dd, I very much recall how angry and bitter and frustrated I felt (mostly at mothers who could have breastfed without any problems, but didn't, while I was struggling so much and not sure I could salvage things).<br><br>
Having not had children yet, you are in an even more awkward position, in that you can't refer to your own experiences ("I worked with this great LC/LLL Leader, would you like her contact information?") ....<br><br>
I think, if I were you, that first I would address what has to be a grieving process for her. Let her know that you understand how difficult this time has been, and wish it would have gone differently for her and baby --<br><br>
Then, especially if you have a friend or LC in the area who you could refer her to, you could perhaps add that if she would like to talk to X, then you could provide the contact information and maybe she would be helpful now, or in the future (like, with a subsequent pregnancy).<br><br>
Sometimes, a mother needs to know that she could relactate (this mother probably could, since the weaning is so recent) - and sometimes, emotionally, she's just not ready to go there yet -- but once she's had some time to grieve, and process, she can begin the path of researching more, finding answers, and resolving not to let it happen next time.<br><br>
HTH. I came within literally within inches of throwing in the towel -- with the knowledge I had at the time of elimination diets, and following a hospitalization of our dd for weight issues from her allergies -- if the ED we did hadn't worked, it would've been over. I know from talking with others that often, people just don't talk about or encourage trying again with the next baby .... I would have really missed out, if I had not been able to make breastfeeding work with dd1, because nursing dd2 was easy as pie -- no problems at all, no weight issues, just lovely the whole time.
 

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you've never bf a baby yourself? i think it s awesome that you are so pro-bf, but without that btdt angle, i would delete this post here and then send her a link to MDC and tell her the ladies here will help her get through relactating if she wants to try.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/thanks.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thanks"><br><br>
Thank you all very much for your responses. You have been very supportive and helpful, as I hope to be to my friend. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
No, I have not breastfed a baby myself, though I long to. We have been trying unsuccessfully for a long time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/crap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crap">
 

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eh. I don't think that you have to have already breast fed a baby to help out or be supportive or be an advocate.<br><br>
Sometimes when you are overwhelmed (which a lot of new mama's are!) it helps tremondously to just have a hand to hold and assurance that you will figure it out together. PP is a time when a mama needs support, from other mama's and other friends.<br><br>
I will wholeheartedly admit, after my horrendous birth, and horrible time getting DS latched-- if anyone had so much suggested formula, I would have given in. It was with a whole lot of support from my mom and DH (neither of whom knew much about breastfeeding issues) to get me through. They reassured me constantly that it would work, listened to and learned from the LC when my brain was fried. Brought me food when I was feeding DS, and helped me wash my pump parts when I needed to pump, ect.<br><br>
Don't let anyone tell you that only breastfeeding mom's can help breastfeeding moms.<br><br>
Best of luck on your TTC journey!!!
 
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