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My best friend just had a baby, her first. Our history: I got PG first, had baby, she teed me off by giving me lots of sanctimonious advice. Then she got PG, I teed her off by giving her lots of "I know better than you do" advice. Now she has the babe, and there's a rift between us.<br><br>
How do I mend it? I still feel angry that she said I was a "nervous, high-strung" mother, and she wouldn't be so her baby would behave better. I'm sure I said things that drove her nuts too. What do I say now, given that she's in a very hormonal time? I would like to be supportive, not mean; we could be close now that we share some of the same problems.
 

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I would simply apologize and tell her how much that you want to be friends again. If you start getting defensive, then so will she and it could blow up, so you have to be ready for that. I hope it goes well. Having friends while you are pregnant and with children around the same age is wonderful.<br><br>
J
 

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Moved to Parenting Issues <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Drop off a casserole and a batch of cookies, then offer to do a load of laundry or hold the baby so she can take a shower. If starting up the "I know we have our differences..." conversation would be too awkward for the both of you, actions speak just as well.
 

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Just say "I know we both said things we didn't mean and I'm so sorry that we have drifted apart, I think we need our friendship more than ever! Hopefully we can learn from this."<br><br>
I agree with the bearing of cookies & food... Not only the way to a man's heart but to a woman's also!
 

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I wouldn't try to give advice unless she asks for it. My limited but fateful experience in the parenting advice arena never seems to go well, unless it's asked for.<br><br>
Just apologize and be the bigger person, and take her some food and hang out.
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">How do I mend it? I still feel angry that she said I was a "nervous, high-strung" mother, and she wouldn't be so her baby would behave better. I'm sure I said things that drove her nuts too. What do I say now, given that she's in a very hormonal time? I would like to be supportive, not mean; we could be close now that we share some of the same problems.</div>
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Anyone, and I mean anyone can have a high-needs baby. Whether or not the mother is "nervous" (not that I think you are) is not an issue.<br><br>
I don't know what to tell you. It sounds like something you say to be supportive could be misinterpreted by her.
 

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Oh wow, I had a similar issue with a friend, I had a baby first but she was the expert Montessori teacher and gave me lots of unsoliticed advice. Then when she got pregnant, I couldn't help constantly saying "you'll see..." We ended up blowing up at each other and in retrospect, hormones played a part. She had a 6 month old, I had a 2month old (my 2nd). But we did sort things out but some time passed and she eventually saw the light on some of these issues. I have to admit, it felt good. For ex, she reamed me out for quitting cloth diapers when my 1st baby was 18 mos and when she tried cloth, it didn't last a day and she sold all her stuff on ebay. It was a moment of glory I admit. Anyway, how old is your friends baby? The reason I ask is that it may be easier to have this conversation once she has some perspective...once she sees that parenting is not black and white or a mathmatical equation. With my friend I tried to focus on feelings, I said things like 'now that you are a mother, can you imagine how you might be offended if I said x,y,z....etc.'? Anyway, my friend & I did manage to mend things tho we are still somewhat defensive with each other. But it is what it is and luckily I have plenty of friends that I have more mutally supportive relationships with.
 
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