[poetgirl]

Hi Everyone. I'm going to give a brief summary and hope some of you can help me process this.

I am 35. I have been TTC #1 for 2.5 yrs. I have done 9 fert. treatment cycles (incl. 6 IUI, 4 Clomid cycles, 3 Follistim) and we just did out first IVF in March which was unsuccessful. I have a strong history of early ovarian failure in my family (2 aunts-menopause at 38, mother-menopause at 43, sister-no response to 4 IVFs at 38). Despite my family history, my last FSH was 6.7 and my antral foll. count is good, around 16. My IVF results indicated possible early manifestations of the ovarian problems. We retrieved 9 eggs: 2 were empty sacs, 5 were immature, 1 was mature high quality, 1 was mature mid-poor quality. Only the mature high quality made it to transfer.

So...I've been through a lot. RE says we could do it again in May with an ovulation induction regiment and DHEA. I'm not sure I'm ready to do it again, though part of me is excited by that idea. The thing is DH is going to Prague for the whole month of July. If pregnant, I was not going to go--too risky after everything. So we could take a few mths off, let my body have a break (and let the DHEA build up in my body), I could go to Prague with him and we could do it in mid-late Aug. That's a difference of 3 mths. and though that doesn't sound like a lot, for me...it might be? We just don't know. What would you do? My instincts say I need a break, but a whole other part of me says 'do it now.'

Any thoughts would be welcome. My head is spinning.

 

[kittykorat]

That is a tough one.
I really don't think 3 months is going to make a lot of difference.

That being said I just had a failed cycle in November.. at the follow up appt the Dr said she was pleaed with my response, but it just didn't work that time, and to try again in January.. we were originally going to wait a few months, but we went w/ the Dr's suggestion and went ahead wit the Jan cycle, which was successful!

(we had 13 eggs retrieved and only one good quality 8 celled embryo, couple of mediocre 5 celled.. Xferred the 8 cell and one 5 cell emby)

 

[booja's mom]

Hi Poet,

After I had my failed cycle 2 years ago I needed a break. The weeks following the BFP were nothing like the months that followed. From my personal experience I would go to Prague and enjoy. Take the DHEA and AP while you are waiting and let your body and soul heal.

My prayers are with you. Peace

~Clara

 

[Julia'sMom]

Poet - This is such a tough decision. After my miscarriage, I chose to take an additional month off to recover. It was horrible for me, as I really regretted not trying again immediately. However, this is also due to the fact that I know I have 0% chance of an oops, or of even "trying" without ivf. If you can keep the peace, then I would enjoy Prague as it seems like a great opportunity. If you think the whole time there you'll be obsessing about where you "could be" in the cycle, then don't.

I continue to keep you in my prayers.

 

[poetgirl]

Thanks for the responses so far. This is such a hard decision. I can def. wait and I think my mind/body/spirit would like that. I just worry with my situation how dire 3 mths is/will be. Maybe it's better to forfeit the time and do it from a stronger place? KWIM? All factors we can't really measure.

Hearing your responses help so much. I've taken this cycle really hard. Seems crazy to think about doing it again in 3 wks.

p.s. Congratulations Kit!

 

[ZanZansMommy]

Poet. I was in yor shoes 6 years ago. After 3 failed IVF's, all with terrific embryos to transfer, I was SO burnt out. Mentally I wanted to just keep going but I was tired, anxious & just sick of the whole process. So I took 4 months off, went to counseling, and DH & I went to Bermuda. It was SO fantastic. My next cycle started 2 weeks after I got back & it was +. That resulted in my DD. I really do feel I was more rested & better able to handle the IVF process after taking a break. Good Luck with your decision.

 

[oregonduck]

I can see why you have a tough decision. On the outside, I would say go to Prague and have a fabulous time (my good friend went several years ago and had a blast.) I can also see how it would be stressful. I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make and I'll be thinking about you.

 

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

If it were me, I'd go to Prague. I seriously doubt 3 months is going to make a huge difference, although perhaps your RE can weigh in on that? But mentally, I think a change of scenery is a good thing. We did two IVFs back-to-back last year after our Day 5 embryo arrest, and in retrospect, I wish we had taken a breather. But of course that's different for everyone... I doubt there's really a wrong decision in your circumstance.

 

[nummies]

I would probably take a break as well. But I know that I would really have to talk myself into waiting because my heart would be telling me to go for it. Tough call.

 

[Oceanwave]

Poet - I say take a break and go to Prague. I think you would really benefit from the break and come back energized!

 

[wtg4miracle]

I was thinking this through and I think the best thing for you now is to take a break and go with your dh to Prague. Then start back up in August. The only reason why I am saying to wait till August is that you can take DHEA to increase your quality of your eggs. I read that it takes at least 3 months to work and that it really helps alot of girls who take it. I seen dramatic improvements. You have to take 25mg three times a day. Also, continue with wheat grass shots.

Another 3 months is not to long even knowing your family history. You have a good FSH and antral count. Have they tested AMH on you? This could give you a better indication on how your ovaries are doing.

I know the age is a big issue for us. My FSH levels since I first got tested back on Oct 08 have gone up a little bit. I was also nervous about waiting and wasting months. Its been over 6 months now since my first RE visit and I am not even coming close to getting pregnant. Thats 6 months wasted time and my FSH is still the same to some extent. I am 38 so the time bomb is ticking loudly for me and the 6 months that I am still waiting didn't hurt me much.

But go with your heart and if you want to do it in May there is no reason not to either.

Sleep on it and your answer will come to you.

 

[crazyrunningmama]

's to you, I know it has been a really hard road. I am in the middle of my third FET cycle, TTC #2. For me, I don't want to take a break because I know I will just obsess about the time "wasted". But if I thought I could relax and rejuvenate my soul, taking a break would be the way to go. So if you think you can view the time as helpful and not a waste, go. And I love Prague, it's amazing.

 

[poetgirl]

I want to thank all of you for your thoughtful responses. They really helped.
I hope I can follow in ZanZan Mommy's footsteps.
After seeing my acup, I am going to wait. She strongly advised it. It's been nonstop fert. treatments for a long time and my body is wiped out, very unbalanced. She is helping to restore that and she has a great track record, got 8 women preg. in March, 2 that had to cancel their ivf cycles! (not that I'm really candidate for such a miracle...)
Knowing I'm not in great shape, I think I would be scared if we were doing it again so soon. If we only get one egg out of the next cycle, the clinic is not going to be on board with me too much longer. I need to be in a really good place. I don't feel 'better' for choosing this...it's bizarre to have no treatment plans until late summer and I'm not sure I'm be able to let it go, but maybe slowly things will normalize. I think I'm having some post-traumatic stress because every night at 6 pm (when I did all my shots for 4 mths), I start getting very anxious, stomach very jittery.
Anyhow, failed ivf is like finding yourself in Siberia...where to go from here ??? and you all helped me through a tough decision.

 

[crazyrunningmama]

Hey poet. It sounds like you have arrived at a decision that feels right for you. Or at least as right as anything can feel right now. I am on my 3rd FET cycle in a row and I understand what you mean about the meds. It is hard on our bodies to be on them for so long and I am now always thinking "did I take my meds, am I supposed to be doing an injection right now? etc." Are you doing any meditation or anything like that? I found the Alice Domar book (Conquering Infertility) to be very helpful. I wish you well.

 

[soulshine]

poet,

i am kind of going thru a similar thing, and 3 months seems like an *eternity*. its so hard to make these choices, because you want a good result and you don't want to have any regrets which can lead to self-blame, playing the shoulda-woulda-coulda game.

but it sounds like you have made the decision that will sit the best with you inside. it is really good to take med-breaks and if you are trying a new therapy such as dhea, good to let it do its job for the best college try. and the acupuncture will just work its benefits on so many other levels, too, and then the time away with your husband... it all sounds good!

i was going to mention one thing... your cd3 tests seem good, yet you had not a stellar response with your ivf cycle. maybe in the time off it may be worth having a few phone consults with other r.e.'s to look over your med protocol to see if they may have had anything to do with the response (immature eggs, no eggs at retrieval). that could be a big factor, so it may be worthwhile just getting a few other opinions, to pick their brains about why they think what happened happened. i just did a phone consult with ccrm ($250-or free if they aren't liscensed in your particular state- for a solid 1/2 hour with r.e/guru) and that can be the perfect time to go over their opinion about why your cycle failed, and to ask what *they* would do differently for you. i read lots of stories about women who have terrible response multiple cycles and then switch clinics or protocols and then finally achieve success.

the waiting is so hard!

 

[poetgirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazyrunningmama Hey poet. It sounds like you have arrived at a decision that feels right for you. Or at least as right as anything can feel right now. I am on my 3rd FET cycle in a row and I understand what you mean about the meds. It is hard on our bodies to be on them for so long and I am now always thinking "did I take my meds, am I supposed to be doing an injection right now? etc." Are you doing any meditation or anything like that? I found the Alice Domar book (Conquering Infertility) to be very helpful. I wish you well.

Thanks CRM. That's right, you've been on straight meds for a long time now too. A constant chatter in the brain, and the just not feeling-rightness of it. I was doing a lot of meditation during all my assisted cycles. So much so that now to do it is so reminiscent of how I felt during that time, it's a little hard. I'm doing Andrew Weil's breathing exercises, mayan abdominal massage techniques and yoga (which they would not let me do much of during the med cycles). I was just looking at Alice Domar and I just may check her out. Thanks for always answering. I wish you well too, as in THIS cycle, right now!!

 

[poetgirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by soulshine poet, i am kind of going thru a similar thing, and 3 months seems like an *eternity*. its so hard to make these choices, because you want a good result and you don't want to have any regrets which can lead to self-blame, playing the shoulda-woulda-coulda game. but it sounds like you have made the decision that will sit the best with you inside. it is really good to take med-breaks and if you are trying a new therapy such as dhea, good to let it do its job for the best college try. and the acupuncture will just work its benefits on so many other levels, too, and then the time away with your husband... it all sounds good! i was going to mention one thing... your cd3 tests seem good, yet you had not a stellar response with your ivf cycle. maybe in the time off it may be worth having a few phone consults with other r.e.'s to look over your med protocol to see if they may have had anything to do with the response (immature eggs, no eggs at retrieval). that could be a big factor, so it may be worthwhile just getting a few other opinions, to pick their brains about why they think what happened happened. i just did a phone consult with ccrm ($250-or free if they aren't liscensed in your particular state- for a solid 1/2 hour with r.e/guru) and that can be the perfect time to go over their opinion about why your cycle failed, and to ask what *they* would do differently for you. i read lots of stories about women who have terrible response multiple cycles and then switch clinics or protocols and then finally achieve success. the waiting is so hard!

Hi Soulshine. First I just want to tell you I've quietly followed your story for a long time and I would just love to see a happy ending for you, oh so much. Thank you for replying to me. I think a consult at CCRM is a good idea. I will def. have a new protocol next time. We think I always release immature eggs, ivf or not. 6 of my 7 medicated cycles, I O'd before day 10 and naturally I do that too and always have. Strangely enough, with the DHEA this month, I just got a positive opk today (cd 16!) which is a world record for me. I hope it's not a fluke...those eggs need more time!
Did your phone consult give you new feedback/insight that was helpful to you? Thank you so much for the support. Makes the lonely places a little warmer.

 

[soulshine]

poet,
to answer the ?, yes, i am glad i had the consult, but it also added a lot of new ?'s to the mix, so, more muddy waters!! but, it was still worth it in the end to get another take on things. if you do end up doing a phone consult, i thought i'd add that its ever-so important to have all your ?'s written down in front of you! i had my list but got a little flustered with the new info and all the talk etc that i forgot the one ? i originally wanted to call about!! duh.

i used to, all that while back when i was charting, ovulate early too- cd11, sometimes 10. interesting that those of early ovulation days for me also yielded no pg's. very frustrating.

also, thinking about the immature eggs. what about ivm? have you read about that? i wonder if there are any clinics who do that around where you are? its fairly new, but seems to be working (enough to make a splash in the news). anyway, i wondered if you ever thought about that.
well, i hope you are doing well and settled in your decision. keep updating as the time passes!