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<p>This is embarrassing for me to talk about, because I have issued advice for other mamas before who have had the same problems.  I wasn’t always like this.  It started when I became a mother.  And strangely, not right away either.  Probably a few months after my oldest was born.  I used to read things like Crimelibrary.com, and was a big supporter of organizations like Findcarrieculberson.com and helpfindkristen.com.  I watched the news, no problem.  The story about the marine who threw the puppy over the cliff would have bothered me more then the susan smith story before I had kids. </p>
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<p>Now, Im an anxious MESS.  I cant even THINK about susan smith and what her babies went through.  Just typing that has caused me to start tearing up at my desk with a giant lump in my throat.  It makes me want to jump in my car and go pick up my kids and take them home and sit on the couch and play or watch movies or read with them.  Once Im with them for a while, and not thinking about awful horrible things that have happened to other angels, Im ok.  If I don’t read the news, im ok.  If I try to avoid the Grief and Loss forum, im ok.  But then a part of me feels I owe the mamas over there that have lost their babies the time of reading their story and posting my well wishes and condolences.  ITS CRAZY.  Am I crazy? </p>
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<p>This morning I saw a headline about those three brother in Ohio who are missing.  One of them looks a lot like my older son.  Flashes of what those poor boys might have gone through go through my head, and I just cant seem to stop it.  I don’t know how to detach. </p>
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<p>And I wont really go into fiction.  I.CANT.DO.IT.  Just reading the thread about the movie/book The Road had me close to tears.  There is a stupid commercial about quitting smoking with a little boy, about 2 years old, lost in an airport, just crying and crying.  UGH, I have to change the freaking channel when it comes on. </p>
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<p>How do I detach?  How do I separate fact from fiction?  How do I keep myself informed of world events without wanting to curl into a ball with my kids on either side of me and disappear? </p>
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<p>Like I said, Im not like this all the time.  When im with my kids, im engaged and functional and authoritive.  I don’t let them walk all over me just because of what MIGHT happen or anything.  I do discipline and am trying to raise them to be responsible, polite, contributing members of society.  We have fun.  We play and sing and read, watch movies together, eat dinner together every night.  I take them places on the weekends and look forward to that.  They get under my skin when they wont listen or dump the folded laundry basket.  Everything seems normal until I am WITHOUT them. </p>
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<p>And then its not always like this.  Perhaps it’s the season.  I am not a cold weather person, but I live in Upstate NY.  Therefore it is cold, the trees are bare, the days are very short. </p>
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<p>Gosh, going back and reading this is would appear that I am the one with separation anxiety all of a sudden.  Is that possible?  Can it sprout up out of norwhere, and then go away for a while?</p>
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<p>If you have gotten this far through my jumbled mess, thank you. If you have no advice for me, that’s ok.  I kinda didn’t expect there to be one for someone like me.  Someone whose problems are truly all up in her head.  Im cross posting this in personal growth as well, since I wasn’t sure which spot it should go in.  Peace to all. </p>
 

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<p>I used to have a horrible problem like this as well. It didn't matter if they were with me or not, but the thoughts "What if that happened to mine" just played over and over, I can't explain how it stopped. It will come and go in phases for me, it's been some time since it's been overpowering. When 2012 came out I told my husband I didn't think I'd ever be able to watch it, the commercials made me miserable. Seeing documentary or "caught on tape" things would often start me thinking about which child would I save if put into a situation I had to pick one. Thinking that can do nothing but make you miserable because there is no way to think your way out of it. I'm not sure how I got out of that rut, but if it makes you feel any better, you're not alone.</p>
 

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You are not alone. What if is the central question of my anxiety disorder. What if my baby dies of SIDS? What if it is my DH in that fatal accident they are reporting on the radio? What if my DD runs from me in the parking lot and is struck by a car? What if the house burns down? I could do that all day. Watching the news or listening to radio news is out. It just makes it worse. I try to avoid triggers, but something makes me want to face my fears, or be prepared for the worst, so I do visit the greif and loss boards, read stories of child loss, and cry. But at the same time, connecting with those people who are living my worst fears gives me hope that if that someday happens to me, I, too, shall survive.<br><br>
I know avoidance is maybe not the healthiest method, but that's what I do and what mostly works for me.
 

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<p>I can totally relate to your post and I think it is part of  my anxiety disorder. <img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"></p>
 

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<p>oh, i hope it's totally normal! </p>
<p>i think it's just a new form of empathy that we didn't have before. i was the most jaded person before having a kid but since then i have completely bawled my eyes out at "kid tragedy" stories. i'm not worried about it. but when it happened for the first or second times i definately noticed the difference. it was more like a "huh, that's strange" moment.</p>
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<p>incidentaly, the same thing happened after becoming a dog owner. i remember watching that movie "amores perros" with a dog-loving friend previous to having my own and she was just so upset and i got in a huge argument with her because i told her she was being ridiculous...that it was just dogs, etc....</p>
<p>but after living with my own pup things changed. again, empathy i think. of course it's not comparable with the love we have for our kids so the kid stuff feels much worse. heck, i even cry over hallmark movies now (and i used to give my own mother such a hard time about it! i even remember her crying during the movie "annie" as a kid!!!)</p>
 
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