[oatmeal]

I was working full time in an office scenario up until the very day dd was born. I started looking at daycares when I was bout 6 months pregnant, covinced she would have to go in at six weeks and me get back to the office immediately since we have no connection or support from her "father" (man, do I use that term wiht a huge grain of salt)

Well, you all know that series on TV "Scared Straight" where they put troubled teens in jail for a week to see what will happen if they don't buck up? that was my personal experience with daycares - I even went the supposed "best" one in town and was appalled. In my soul there was no way dd was going to be able to go there as an infant.

So, while still pg I started a business of sorts - but a business in the artistic field of all things - which was totally frivolous by most standards - yet somehow (ie God intervening in my life TOTALLY) it kept us afloat for the past 20 months! (in addition to a little welfare, a little disability, a little pt work here and there for groceries)

Ok - so now we are here in the present and I haven't booked a client since August 2. I am up caca creek, two months behind on rent. Though there are several prospective clients circling i have no way to know if or when they will book - I used to book at least 2 clients a month - and sometimes up to 4. this has been very puzzling and upsetting.

We went back on food stamps and some cash aid this month but it is so little - and just a temporary help.

So I am looking at getting a job that pays barely enough to cover full time daycare (gasp!!! stomach ache!!!) for the next year until she is ready for preschool - and that will take away all of our time together all week. In addition to this, lately I have been feeling guilty when she has to be with me while I work during theweek. Yesterday she got no play time at all - no time outside - we had to drive around most of the day and while at home i had to work and she was kind of isloated and alone with me. Iwonder if that hurts her more than actually being left in daycare without me all day? Which is worse mamas?

I guess that is my central question. Is it cruel for me to expect her to just sit around while I work - and get carted all over the place in the car instead of being somehwere playing in a daycare all day - which is worse?

I am trying to come to grips with this - that I might have to leave her in daycare for 40 hours a week. it's killing me, I won't really make enough to pay for more than the rent, but there seems to be no other choice. I have no idea if my business will revitalize or not - or why it has faltered.

I hope someone can give me input on which is worse, her working with me all day or daycare. that is - if in this economy I can even get a job - we will see I guess.

Thanks for your help.

 

[Maggie05]

My son is 14 months and is in daycare full time.It killed me when I had to return to work. I cried and thought I would throw up. It took him two weeks to get used to daycare, and now when I drop him off he actually jumps into the woman's arms (it is a daycare center, but one woman is his main provider) I have popped induring the day amd he is playing, going for strolls, doing little art projects, eating or napping contentedly on his little floor mattress. In my opinion, I would rather he be there, then in a car seat driving around most of the day ( If I understood correctly, this is what your job would entail?) That said, however, I think you must be comfortable with your own choice, and must find a center or nanny with whom you are comfortable, if that is the way you go. I thought I would never get used to being away from him, but we adjusted and he seems happy. I hope this helps you. Good luck with a tough decision.

 

[oatmeal]

The way it works out is usually Mondays and Fridays she is subjected to long times in the car and stuck with me while working.

But I am seeing more and more I am going to have to work full time in someone else's compnay very soon. I just can't bear it for 40 hours a week! I will miss her so it will kill me! I wonder if I am putting it off more for my broken heart than hers! it just seems like too many hours for her to be alone in the care of someone who doesn't love her.

 

[Piglet68]

oatmeal, I really feel for you. It sucks that women are forced to go back to work, only to end up paying for daycare with little left over. From the tone of your posts, I'm not so sure that going back to work is the right choice for you. If it's only Mondays and Fridays that you are "running around" with DD, I still think she is getting the most of her time with you. Besides, it doesn't hurt kids to be spectators in your life every now and then.

The thing is, I get the feeling that NOT going to a full time job is not really an option, is that right? On the bright side, your DD is not a baby anymore. I think she's better able to handle being away from you, especially if she's like my DD and loves to play with other children. You might also find that the places you checked out for a baby may have sucked, but the places for a toddler might have better fare to offer.

 

[chellemarie]

I feel for you. I hope the business does pick up.

In the meantime, have you looked at home-based daycare rather than a facility? I have providers who care for my children in their home. I have never had good luck with daycare centers and they are more expensive, as well. If my kids cant' be at home, I want them in a homey atmosphere. A home away from home.

As far as running around with you...you know how we're all crazy about babywearing? It's not because those mamas who have always worn their babies are wearing them so they can Patty-Cake all darn day. Those women are working and working hard. I would reckon growing their own food and weaving their own cloth and walking miles for fresh water doesn't leave a lot of time for the "Quality Time" we all bend over backward to squeeze in.

More importantly, no one experience is perfect. You take what you have and make it work for the two of you. As a strong, independent, creative mama with a huge support network, you will be able to do very well for you and your daughter whether you get a rush of clients or have to get a jobby-job.

Also...our catholic high school has a "community service" requirement for graduation. Babysitting for free counts. If you could find a group of kids who need some hours, you might be able to cut your daycare expense a little bit.

Good luck!