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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How do you do it??? Where do you find the patience? How do you keep your cool and not yell? When you are so tired you can't even think and the baby is fussing and your toddler is literally bouncing off the walls, what do you do to regain peace or control of the situation (in as much as you are looking to control the situation)? I think I have the most spirited ds on the planet, and a 4 mos old, and I am sooooooo tired. I am being an angry mom way more than I want to be. Needing some coping ideas, thanks
 

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I'm sure your exhaustion is a huge part of it. No one is at their best when they are tired. But the short-term solution is to take frequent time outs. If I were you, and feeling as you do, I would have no problem poppig in his favorite DVD to give you a few min. to calm down and recharge. That is better than yelling or saying something you'll regret later. Or if you have the energy and patience, better to engage him in something fun like playdough or pots and pans, whatever. When I feel frustrated I really try to remember that they are just babies, just chidlren trying to get their needs met and they need us to do it lovingly. When you're starting to feel the steam coming out of your ears, though, walk away and take a min. to yourself. Hugs, it will get better!
 

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Well, I could've written that OP myself (minus the baby). I HATE the cycle of yelling and feeling guilty. It's not healthy and I HATE that I do it. I always regret it. I have never spanked her, but sadly I've discovered that a natural reaction for me during a time of stress is to yell. I know for me I lose my cool when I'm not feeling well or when I'm under stress. I do love her so much it takes my breath away. And having come from a verbally abusive, yelling family, I know that it can hurt way more than being hit. I just try to keep in mind what kind of mother I want to be and always ask myself Am I being that mother? If not, then I need to give myself a time out and breath deeply and THINK before I say or do anything.

This may sound INCREDIBLY stupid, but one thing I ask myself is "What would Little Bear's mother do?" Yes, that is my mothering ideal - Mother Bear of the "Little Bear" cartoon. She always manages to keep her cool and say the right thing. :LOL
 

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mamapajama: i feel your pain. i am burning out from exhaustion as well...my 18m DS has a double ear infection, my 3m DS has a cold, I have an ear infection, it's winter (which I hate) and nobody can sleep because they're sick. i listen to crying ALL DAY it seems like. so what do i do when i'm ready to freak?
i call my dh or my mom. just hearing a supportive voice can help a lot.
i let myself cry a little, because it just releases tension.
i eat a little, because i forget to eat enough sometimes.
i just hold my kids. seems to calm everyone down.
i tell myself: it doesn't have to be perfect.

I also tell myself I am NOT having kids this close together again
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks everyone. Today was a better day. I just kept telling myself that I can be the mom I want to be instead of the angry women I have been lately. I also got some well needed sleep last night. One day at a time, right??
 

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I am very cranky when I am tired. I noticed I lose patience with my family more easily. I also handle stress really badly at those times. Sleep is so basic yet so important, at least to me. It affects me greatly how I function. If you share the same traits, I recommend you make sleep a priority. Not that it is always possible but to have that as a goal. When I do that, I noticed even on days when I am cranky, I know my DS or DH are not to be blamed. It is just that I needed rest. I then vocalize my need and ask for support.
 

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I have to add, as a therapist...

While it makes so much sense to have a harder time when sleep-deprived, it's always worth looking at what's coming up along with the anger. Nothing will bring up our stuff more or give us the opportunity to look at ourselves better than our kids -- I'm convinced we have them mainly for that reason. So, just a thought that your body/psyche may be trying to get your attention about something.

Kerry, mama to Ezra 7/25/03
 
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