[Henry's_Mamma]

Sorry this is so long.

DS will be 19 months old tomorrow. He is currently finishing cutting his first year molars, and it seems he might also be working on his eye teeth. He just overcame a cold (mostly) and croup (totally). He's in the midst of a HUGE language spurt. I know ALL of these things are playing a role in our "problem."

Our "problem:" DS has almost completely given up solids. He WILL NOT eat. I've tried every imaginable food in every imaginable way. He will not eat, and if he does eat, it is very, very little. For example, today, which was a good day solids wise, this is what he ate: less than 1/8 of a pumpernickel (his fav) bagel spread with butter and apricot jam (only way to get him to eat it); 1 toddler-sized forkful of brown rice; 2 small bites of avocado; about 10 goldfish crackers

: ; 1 small piece of fruit leather; about 3 sweet potato "fries"; 1 itty-bitty bite of hamburger; 3 swipes with a finger at some ketchup; and maybe 4 oz. of water. I offered many other things and he adamently said no to all of them, including many of his favorites (yogurt, cheese, etc.). This has progressively gotten worse over the past month (and started probably 4 or 5 months ago), and getting sick put the proverbial icing on the cake.

I should note the following: (1) He's never been a great solids eater; (2) I think he's lost weight (diapers and pants are looser in the waist but length hasn't changed); and (3) We were at the dr. on Monday for the croup, and he is otherwise healthy.

To make up for the diminished solids calories, he's nursing multiple times an hour around the clock. There is a direct correlation between the diminished solids eating and the increase in nursing. I'm beat. I'm getting sick now (for the 4th time this year, and if the other 3 times are any indication, I'll be sick for at least 2 weeks), dh is not able to help much (works a ton of hours), I'm so tired I can't think straight let alone parent in a GD way, my breasts/nipples hurt so badly, I have the creepy crawlies half the time I'm nursing, and I'm beginning to really resent the nursing relationship despite the fact that I generally believe in CLW. I'm at a point where I NEED him to stop nursing so much or I'm going to go insane. This means he needs to eat and drink something other than breastmilk. [For the record, it is not even possible that I'm pregnant.]

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to encourage him to eat and drink more in a gentle way. If I say no to nursies he freaks out completely (crying, screaming, fist pounding, head banging, flailing on the floor freaking out). I've taken to going on long drives with him in the afternoon (how I got him to eat goldfish and drink water today) just to not have him grabbing at me and screaming "nee-nee-nurse" every 5 minutes. It is sometimes better if we are really busy outside of the house, but it's 90+ degrees here and frankly, on many days I'm just too freaking tired to go anywhere, not to mention, there are only so many things we can do that distract him enough, yk?

What do I do? How do I get through this? How do I get him to eat more? I need my sanity back. I'm not the kind of parent I want to be right now. And I want to enjoy nursing again.

Please, no flames b/c I feel this way. In my fragile sleep deprived state, I couldn't handle it.

 

[alegna]

I think a lot of toddlers go through this. At least your lucky guy gets mammamilk. Hang in there. It will get better. Try to play it down as much as possible. Have lots of foods on hand (maybe within reach on a low table) and eventually he will eat again.

No flames here- you sound like an outstanding mommy.

-Angela

 

[onlyboys]

Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna I think a lot of toddlers go through this. At least your lucky guy gets mammamilk. Hang in there. It will get better. Try to play it down as much as possible. Have lots of foods on hand (maybe within reach on a low table) and eventually he will eat again. No flames here- you sound like an outstanding mommy. -Angela

:

No other advice, just hugs.

 

[violafemme]

Oh we are going through the same type of thing here. I've actually broken in to tears PLEADING with dd to eat something.........anything.......and my nipples, oh my aching nipples she wants to stay latched on for an HOUR sometimes.....and we nurse 6 to 8 times a day/night. I've found that the less I worry and the more I go with what dd indicates she wants/needs the less stressful it is........but wow is that hard. I caught myself ready to hold her jaws open and shove the food down into her mouth at one point...........I actually had to leave the room for a few moments and remind myself that she wouldn't allow herself to starve so I just had to let her be and eat when she is ready, which may not be when I am ready.

DD (18 mo) eats :
veggie booty
puffin cereal
rice grits
raisins (on a good day)
Amy's Rice Vegetable bowl...........minus the actual veggies

THAT'S IT besides nursing for months with the occasional french friy thrown in

After two weeks of eating ONLY cereal and veggie booty (no fruit/veggies or protien) last night she suprised us by eating lots of my lentil chickpea curry and rice and tonight she happily ate spaghetti with us.......who can understand the whims of a toddler? Sometimes I find she will eat more if it from my dish and my fork (not spoon) even if what is in her dish is the same thing.........sometimes it has to be something dry she can feed herself with her fingers. I usually start by giving her a bowl of the veggies booty or something like that while I prepare lunch/dinner and then offer her whatever we are eating during the actual meal which is when she is on occasion very interested in what is on our plates.

Oh and just today I started offering her alternatives to "pat-pat" (her word for nursing) when she'd ask since my nipples are about to go on strike......I'd ask her if she wanted some juice or some cereal and once or twice she took me up on it. DD's language is not great (another whole topic) so I'm beginning to understand that she may be asking to nurse when in fact she is just thirsty, hungry or in need of some undivided attention but doesn't know how to ask for it.

She's never been a great solids eater either and when she is sick she goes back to an all breastmilk diet but if the last two days are any indication, there may be light at the end of the tunnel for us.

Hang in there Mama; I feel your frustation but for WIW, it sounds to me like you've been handling it better then I have. You are doing great and you are not alone.

Hope something in my post is helpful

Heather

 

[Miss Juice]

Hang in there Mama, you're going to make it!

This is such a hard thing and you are doing everything right. Your boy has a lot of demands on him right now, and that translates into a bigger need for mom and all she represents. And therefore you have a lot of demands on you. So the real question is how can you increase YOUR support system to increase your reserves?

I remember going through this with my first DD, around the same time (incidentally 18-19 mos. is a really common time for nonstop nursing) and it got so bad that when she would latch on I would have to clench my teeth to keep from screaming, not because she was hurting me but because I didn't want her there. Oh the guilt!! Here was my baby who so obviously needed me, adn I didn't want her there???!!?? I called my LLL leader in tears and told her I was afraid I was going to have to wean. She talked me through it, and here were some lifesaving suggestions:

If you can, get just a couple of hours to yourself. If DH or MIL or anyone at all can pitch in for a few, you can regroup a bit. If yor reserves are totally tapped it is really hard to maintain a sense of humor (and that's when you know you are in trouble). Take a nap or a bath or a walk.

Go to a LLL meeting and get a lot of hugs.

Most importantly remember that This Will Not Last Forever. It is kind of like labor - as soon as you think you really can't take it anymore, it ends.

As for solids toddlers go through major phases. He's not going to starve himself. Just keep offering. Also if you haven't already, do a few serious family meals where everyone is eating together with DS in highchair eating as close to the same things you are. A family event sometimes gets more participation than wagging food in front of a reluctant toddler's face.

I hope this helps at all. YOU CAN DO IT!

 

[ejsmommy]

This too shall pass!! It will. Dd has been through the same thing. Whenever she is going through any kind of growth/developmental spurt she eats next to nothing. I continue to offer food, sometimes she'll eat only a few crackers and dried cranberries a day (besides nursing round the clock). When she comes out of it, I am always surprised when she eats some real food. I try not to stress about her eating. She is healthy and will eat when she is hungry. Keep your energy up and hang in there!

 

[strawberryprincess]

First: you have every right to feel the way you feel. please don't feel guilty about wanting to wean or feeling resentment (either to your child or the situation). guilt will only add to the load that you are already carrying.

i second the idea that you should find some time to yourself. i know it will feel horrible to leave your child with someone else, but i've found that if i'm not around, dd can't/won't ask to nurse. and she's perfectly content to play with whoever is around. if you can't find a loved one to watch him, maybe you could hire a teenager to come and stay...they are out of school now, and many are looking for a few extra bucks!

does he want to nurse when you are with other kids? going on play dates may keep him occupied. taking walks helps..go to the mall or someplace with air conditioning, and just walk for as long as you can. or maybe just take him to bed for a few days...stay in bed,nurse and sleep the whole time. maybe he needs the reassurance that your breast will be their when he needs them. maybe he'll get bored and want to go play.

yes, this too shall pass, but sometimes it feels as though it won't. or at least not pass quickly enough.

 

[doctorjen]

Please try hard, too, not to turn food into a battle. Toddlers at that age have a very strong need for feeling in control, and frequently will balk at what you want them to do because they need the security of being able to be in control. If there is food available, a child won't starve to death - even if it feels like they might!
Try leaving some snacks on a low table or chair where ds can get to them as he's playing. Try presenting his food in interesting ways - like arranging it as a face, or other shape. Try dips - toddlers like to dip things. Try fruit with vanilla yogurt, or pita bread with hummus, or crackers with ranch dressing. Try offering him your food. Try interesting drinks - like yogurt smoothies. Try freezing stuff - yogurt freezes in popsicles nicely, so does apple sauce or other pureed fruit. Frozen grapes are a nice novelty, too, if ds is good at chewing things. Take a picnic outside. Spread a blanket, pack food in a basket, go someplace fun like local parks, school playgrounds, forest preserves.
Sounds like you are beyond exhausted, and that always makes it harder. It's hard to provide distraction and interesting things to do, but keeping him busy and happy may help him let up on the nursing a little. Some of my favorite activities for my toddler - a pile of cotton balls, and a collection of cups to pour them in and out of. A shallow pan of soapy water and measuring spoons and cups. (Put a layer of towels down first) My tupperware. Finger painting with food - applesauce or other fruit, yogurt, or other soft things - and as an added benefit they may choose to eat some! Whiffle golf balls to pour in the bathtub and chase around in there (dry, with clothes on)
Finally, if you do think there might be an underlying problem, consider seeing an occupational or speech therapist with experience with feeding issues. If it's just pickiness and toddler orneriness, it'll pass. If you feel he's having difficulty eating due to a bigger problem, consider getting help.
Good luck mama!

 

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

I don't have anything else to add to all the great advice the other mamas have given you, and just wanted to say again that it will get better, and it is just a stage. I also think you are doing a wonderful job, so don't beat yourself up!

 

[gridley13]

My ds is only 12 m so we are not considering weaning. But he has recently gone through several illnesses in a row and really upped his nursing and downed his solids. Downed as in decreased, not wolfed it down :LOL .

I know the feeling when you are just sitting there forever with all these things you need/want to do (for me it is being with my other child too!) but you have to just sit and nurse nurse nurse. So

for that, I understand! And the nipple soreness... it's like, ok, I remember this from the NEWBORN days...

I second what the pp have said (and what you seem to know) about not turning it into a food battle and trusting that your child will not starve. If he is healthy, you need to continue to give him the control. You might need to remind yourself several times a day! I like the philosophy of Ellyn Satter, author of several books on kids and eating: (and I am paraphrasing here, don't feel like looking it up word for word)

You are responsible for what food is available and the environment in which it is served.

They are responsible for what, how much, and even whether they eat at all.

So basically, you are doing everything right, imo. Most importantly, reaching out for emotional help on this by posting. That seems to be what you need the most!

Keep your chin (and your shirt) up! :LOL

 

[DaryLLL]

I am concerned that you are not feeling well. If you were stronger you might not resent the nursing intensity as much.

It is pretty much impossible to get a toddler to eat more when he doesn't want to.

You say your nipples are sore. Do you suspect thrush?

Are you eating well? Drinking lots of water? How about taking a multivitamin and 500 extra mg of vit C a day?

Cut back on unnecessary chores and errands and community requests for now. This will not last forver. it can take a while after being sick for his appetite to return. For now, your milk is the superfood he needs to recover and build his own immune system which will serve him for the next 80ish years! Try to keep the longterm benefits in mind. Cancer, diabetes, obesity, etc etc.

Be good to yourself and ask for help from your partner and anyone else who can babysit or do housework/cook. Go visit friends. Go swimming. Take naps when he does, definitely!

Good luck!

 

[Henry's_Mamma]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and advice. Sometimes knowing you are not alone and hearing that everyone's been there before and that it will pass (if not as quickly as I'd like) just helps, yk? Sort of misery loves company. Anyway, for some reason he seems to have sensed my fragile nerves, or maybe this is passing somewhat, or something, but he's slept better the last 2 nights, so I feel marginally better. Now if I could only shake my stupid cold.

Thanks again everyone. I really needed (need!) it.

 

[CajunMama]

Amy. I can't give you any advise, but I just wanted to give you a

:

 

[DaryLLL]

Glad things are getting better! Sleep deprivation can really make you crazy!

 

[Pastrydemon]

Hi Amy -- I just got on this board to look for similar support. I could have typed your post word for word! In fact, my DD was born on the same day as your DS! No advice here -- just support. You are definitely not alone!

 

[tryinghardmomma]

My baby was born 12/21/03 and we are going through the EXACT SAME THING. In fact that is why I came to the forums tonight.

So thanks for being here, Amy.

My name is Amy and my baby is doing exactly like you describe-- only those aren't molars, they are just bicuspids I'm pretty sure. She worked on those things for the last 6 weeks, and now she's got 2 incisors coming in on the bottom (I'd been wondering where THOSE guys were for months, since most babies get those incisors by 9 mos)... I can't even begin to THINK about eye teeth... Where will I get the strength? This has been my worst teether yet... I have SIX children.

My boobs and nips are sore, I feel like she is hanging off them all day... she of course latches poorly too... she eats /drinks very little (although I daresay more than your kid) and she only weighs 19 lbs so she needs to eat something! I have never had a full supply, so I know she isn't getting gobs of milk from me either.

I am mostly frustrated and the screaming NEE NEE at me when I ask for a break is just NOT WORKING for me. At LEAST she's been sleeping from about 11 p.m. to 6 a.m. (knock on wood?) and tonight she actually fell asleep at 9:30 but only because the only nap she had was about 11:30 to 12:20, hanging desperately onto my built-in pacifiers at church this morning.

I am so exhausted.

So I'll go read the rest of the thread and see what wonderful wisdom was shared.

(This. Too. Shall. Pass.)

Edited to add: today dh told someone she was 18 mos old and I corrected him... "Not yet honey, not for 2 more days." Today when she started doing her must.nurse.again.shenanigans he said "You don't think she's acting 18 mos?" See, I have always believed that it's not "Terrible Twos." I love 2 year olds... but I have always found kids particularly challenging from 18mo to 2 years. They whine so much, they want to be desperately attached one moment and slap your face and push you away the next. I know in my head that all my kids have done this to me at this age.... but I tell you what at 3 p.m. when I've been "on" all day and she hasn't napped and is nursing AGAIN for the 100th time today, I just need a BREAK. I am very lucky that I have DH and older kids who can each keep her 5 to 30 minutes and give me as long as 2 hours where I can get away. AAHHHhhhh... Tomorrow I'm going to leave her with Daddy from 7:30 a.m. to NOON while I take my oldest boys to the pool and then the library and grocery shopping! I feel TINGLY just thinking about it!

 

[PortraitPixie]

:

Had to say that I too am taking advantage of all the GREAT advice on this thread. OP--thanks for starting it, and

and

.

You guys are the best.

Sarah