[box_of_rain]

Last night my partner dropped a bomb...He said (as I'm sitting on the couch nursing our 19 month old) "So when he's 2, he's cut off, right?"

Let me first say that this man is wonderful - he has been totally on board with every parenting issue I have brought to the table. If I can back up why I think something is best - he's with me. Leaving our babes intact, not vaccinating, co-sleeping, etc. He's been a great AP dad - he wears our babe as much, if not more, than I do. He has wholeheartedly supported breastfeeding from the beginning. From *before* the beginning. I was floored when he said this! He is coming from a place of not having seen an "older than two yo." nursing and also he wants *me* back. Let's face it - nursing can kind of cramp our style sexually every now and again. I say too damn bad. Babe will wean himself when he's ready. Partner says what if he's not ready until he's 5?

How do I explin this logically and in a linear way? This is how he needs to understand things, but it's not how I am able to think at all.

Any good advice for me? A good analogy fo him?

 

[Pynki]

I'm no help. I looked at my husband like he had grown a 2nd and 3rd head and they were both ridiculously stupid and said, "No..."

I'm of the opinion that she who has the boobs gets to make the weaning decisions.

 

[chfriend]

I have a dp and we both nurse, so I have no btdt, but honestly, it's parenting that cramps your style, not so much the nursing.

Can you let him know that you plan to un-cramp the style big time for him? Let him know you care about *those* needs?

 

[pixiepunk]

Quote:

Can you let him know that you plan to un-cramp the style big time for him? Let him know you care about *those* needs?

ITA - if he is associating lack of nookie with bf'ing, it's not surprising he wants you to wean. i bet if nookie reappears, he won't be so concerned about the weaning anymore. i found that i had cast a negative opinion of sex in my mind when my kids were infants. i had to really change that in my own head - remind myself it was actually something quite enjoyable that would make us both happy. it wasn't so much related to nursing as much as just being touched out in general and tired and not feeling very attractive. i don't think any of those issues would've gone away by weaning - in fact, a child forced to wean before he/she is ready is likely to get *more* clingy, making you feel even more touched out.

also, sometimes you just have to live through it once to realize what your child needs. my DH was squeamish about the idea of nursing past a year, and was confused and a little upset that i changed my mind (because i originally planned on a year). but when i got pregnant and he saw what a difficult time my DD had with my lack of milk and the limits i had to set due to said lack of milk... and then saw how easily she weaned completely w/out fuss a year and a half later when she was ready... he got it. he could look back and see how *not* ready she was at 18 months, and he was so grateful in hindsight that i continued to nurse her.

now we're on kid #2, who is just about 20 months, and he hasn't said word 1 about weaning. he knows it'll happen eventually.

 

[PrennaMama]

I have gone thru this off and on with dh, and I think he finally came around... he's a very linear guy, and I am definitely not. What worked for him was to ask him questions first; "where did 2 come from? Where do you think you got the perception that 2 was a cut-off number?" "How important do you think physical and emotional well-being is for our child?" "What if it was the social norm to CLW, now? Would you still ask about a cut-off?" "What do you think will happen when he nurses until he is ready to stop on his own terms? How would it affect his sense of self and sense of security?" "If nursing is optimal and natural, and the biological norm, why should we impose a standard of opporation and a cut-off time to it? Does it make sense that nursing as long as they can or want to would be optimal as well?" etc...

I shared with him much of what I found here, too, and that helped I think. Someone said to look at the science of it, and that the simple fact is that there isn't anything to say that there negative effects to CLW, but there are proven and documented reasons that it is beneficial. The science supports CLW. And that did it. And he's on board now, with a sense of humor about it.