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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok. I've gotten off track here somewhere. I'm being to rough, too rude with my 2 yr old. Please tell me what you other mothers of 18 -24 month olds do. He throws things, which is unacceptable to me. Please tell me what I can do to stop this, why I shouldn't stop it, or why he is doing it. He throws them when I tell him to stop doing something, or he can't have something. or just because. He sees me looking at him sometimes and throws/drops whatever is in his hands, usually a pacifier, and then sighs and rolls his eyes at me. He runs, even when I'm asking him to do something he WANTS to do, like get dressed so we can go bye-bye. Please just help me remember what I'm supposed to be doing.
 

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It sounds like you are facing a stressful period with your ds. Warm wishes to you but also good on you for reaching out for support at this moment!<br><br>
our ds is 21 months. He went through a relatively short throwing period several months back. At the time it seemed to go on forever but was probably a month or so. The worst involved toy cars at his big sister but also included food and anything really.<br><br>
In his case i think it was largely about experimentation. We tried to explain when it hurt (or could hurt someone) and find him things/ places to throw that might meet his need. Sometimes it turned into a lovely ball game outside other times he would not be redirected and we just rode through it best we could...<br><br>
He has also been quite physical with other children and been through a several month period of pushing young ones on occasion. It happened enough for me to shadow him in playgrounds and be ready to intervene.<br><br>
Even when i did, i ensured the safety of the other child and then encouraged him to be gentle by being gentle. I think perhaps his pushing phase has just started to subside (fingers crossed).<br><br>
I mention the second example because i feel that was more about feeling unsettled (we just moved house) and frustration (he is on the brink of more language but not there yet).<br><br>
We wont really know what is going on for him. The things i am confident about are that:<br>
1. everything changes and everything passes (so it wont last forever)<br>
2. if i attribute the best intention to his actions, even ones i did not like, it brings out my best in relation to him (hope that makes sense?)<br><br>
In your specific situation, i notice by your sig that you are expecting again in April. Your ds wont necessarily understand what is happening but will no doubt pick up on your vibes and expectations of oncoming change and preparation. NOT MEANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY obviously but just speculating on something that might be happening for him?<br><br>
all the best,<br>
arun
 

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oh, we've been there! i hate the running away. with behavior like throwing, climbing, yelling, or even kicking/hitting, i try to recognize that my ds has a need to do that activity (or expend energy). i keep it really simple when redirecting "we don't throw that" or "no throw toys, only throw balls" and then give him an opportunity to engage in that behavior in a way that is appropriate. for example, throwing a ball (preferably outside!), climbing on a playground, yelling outside, kicking a ball, or hitting drums.<br><br>
when i want him to do something and he resists (by running away, dropping to the ground, or just basically freaking out, even though it's something he really does want), i find that he needs more control or more of a challenge. he's ready to do more for himself. examples, again - my 2-y-o likes to dress himself; if he can't put on a particular garment himself, i'll say "let's do it together" when he's in an agreeable mood, or i'll choose something he can do himself. my guy gets distracted by excitement outside and doesn't always walk with me very well, but if i ask him to carry something for me, he does great. i think having responsibility makes my ds feel that he's important and trusted.<br><br>
those are just my experiences with those kinds of behaviors. i don't know how helpful my solutions will be, as all our babes are different, but i can also echo that they do grow out of these phases. hang in there mama!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">He sees me looking at him sometimes and throws/drops whatever is in his hands, usually a pacifier, and then sighs and rolls his eyes at me.</td>
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Hmmm, do you sigh and roll your eyes when he does this? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Pay attention to that--not just to see where he's learned this behavior, but also because your doing that implies that you're feeling, "Here we go again! He's so annoying!" I've seen how my taking that attitude--and I can see it even more clearly when my partner takes that attitude--conveys to our child that we EXPECT that he will behave that way and that our efforts to stop him will not work. This tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.<br><br>
The fact that he waits until you're looking before he throws/drops implies that he's doing it because of your reaction, not to fulfill his need to throw/drop or to put the object on the floor. What do you do with the object? Change what you do so that throwing/dropping is no longer rewarding for him.<br><br>
What I have been doing (since about 15 months) when my son purposely throws/drops while watching for my reaction, is to say, "I see you're all done with that." and pick it up and take it away. If he protests, I say in a surprised tone, "Well, if you wanted to keep it, why did you throw it on the floor?" These days he can respond verbally, but when he was younger I'd just give back the object and say, "Hang onto it this time." If he throws/drops it again, I shrug and leave it on the floor (if it isn't something that has to be cleaned up immediately) and go about my business until he asks me to pick it up. Then I say, "Just a moment." and when it's convenient for me, I pick it up and repeat, "If you want to keep it, hang onto it." One more throw/drop, and I say, "I am tired of picking it up. You're all done with it." and put the object out of his reach for several hours at least. At times I had to do this with 3 or 4 objects in an hour before he finally gave up! But for at least a year now, he's understood that if he treats an object irresponsibly, it will get taken away for a while.<br><br>
Try to give him some positive attention BEFORE he throws/drops. As soon as he makes eye contact with you, give him a big smile and say something interesting. That might distract him from the urge to throw/drop to get your attention.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>anne+arun</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10706525"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">In your specific situation, i notice by your sig that you are expecting again in April. Your ds wont necessarily understand what is happening but will no doubt pick up on your vibes and expectations of oncoming change and preparation. NOT MEANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY obviously but just speculating on something that might be happening for him?<br><br>
all the best,<br>
arun</div>
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I've done my best to prepare him for the baby. I rub my belly and say "baby" since he knows what babies are. He rubs my belly and give the baby kisses. I've shown him pictures of womens' bellies with cutaways showing the baby inside. Obviously he doesn't entirely get it, but I think he gets the general idea. We've also watched several homebirths together online. He is very gentle and caring, I'm pretty sure the baby is not the problem. I do notice sometimes, when I ask him to come love the baby, he does get irritated, so I drop it. It doesn't happen very often though.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>doubledutch</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10706838"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">i keep it really simple when redirecting "we don't throw that" or "no throw toys, only throw balls" and then give him an opportunity to engage in that behavior in a way that is appropriate.</div>
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I do ask him to not throw things, and try to take him outside for some ball throwing, but he never seems interested. I don't think it's so much that he wants to throw things, I think he's doing it to get my attention. I've been trying so hard to pay more attention to him.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>EnviroBecca</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10708850"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hmmm, do you sigh and roll your eyes when he does this? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Pay attention to that--not just to see where he's learned this behavior...<br><br>
The fact that he waits until you're looking before he throws/drops implies that he's doing it because of your reaction, not to fulfill his need to throw/drop or to put the object on the floor. What do you do with the object? Change what you do so that throwing/dropping is no longer rewarding for him...<br><br>
Try to give him some positive attention BEFORE he throws/drops. As soon as he makes eye contact with you, give him a big smile and say something interesting. That might distract him from the urge to throw/drop to get your attention.</div>
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I know EXACTLY where he learned to roll his eyes. And I'm telling you it wasn't me. As far as what I do when he throws things, it depends on what it is. I know he's doing it to get my attention. When he throws the pacifier repeatedly, I put it away. He cries about it but after awhile he forgets about it and plays. I don't like him having the paci during the day anyway. Other times it's his fork at dinner, or an apple. Those times I don't take it away. I try to remind myself to give him a hug and sit next to him for awhile. I'm hoping if I do this enough the throwing will stop.<br>
It's not so much that the throwing itself bothers me because I know in my head that he won't still be doing that as a grown-up, obviously, it will pass on it's own. It's my reaction to it, and I'm worried about how my attitude will affect him and our relationship. I'm trying so hard to remind myself not to try to change his behavior, but to change my reaction to his behavior, and to change my own behavior, and then the throwing will stop on it's own. I hope.
 
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