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DH and I were not raised in gentle discipline families .. and now that DS is a curious toddler we can see ourselves turning to those ways .. I am going to look into some of the books in the above sticky .. but i need some quick solutions for now .. i do not want to become my mother in the discipline department. DS is 1 and just started walking all over the place .. I want him to explore but also want him to be safe ... and i want to us GD .. ok that is all for now .. help me please mommas <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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hi,<br><br>
I have a 3 1/2 yo old and I am struggling with working really hard NOT to spank / yell at her. I don't always know what to do or how to react to my dd, and I am trying so hard to be a good mom.<br><br>
so, him exploring and getting into things is the problem? How much can you babyproof? Can you put child locks on all the cabintes in your kitchen except one or 2 and put safe things that he CAN play with in those?<br><br>
Are there lots of breakables that you don't want him to touch? Could you put away all but a few that aren't so inportant to you, and leace those with in reach, and show him how to be gentle?<br><br>
Crying baby, got to go, will come back later!
 

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My dh and I have made a lot of mistakes with our children and how we view/treat/discipline/teach them. This past year has been revolutionary for our family as we've delved deeply into GD in conjunction with a complete overhaul of our whole life/philosophical paradigm of, well, everything. We have found all of it ncredibly liberating and the resulting closeness and mutual respect and admiration that is now commonplace in our home is the overwhelming evidence that we're headed in the right direction.<br><br>
I have a mantra of sorts in my head to remind me of what I've learned and how to not revert to who I was and how I behaved. It is this, <i>"It is not my job to control my children."</i> Then I think through the following: <i>"They are their own people and will grow into the men they are meant to be; I will guide them when they need and walk alongside them always as we discover together the path for them, but I will not control them, ever. Control is an illusion."</i> I repeat this most when we have guests who obviously have completely opposite views on how to raise children and feel the need to share at a time when they think I'm not <i>controlling</i> my children as I apparently should be.<br><br>
I have no idea if that helps you, but it is enormously helpful to me. I was raised in an abusive home and so was my dh. We remind each other in the moment often.<br><br>
So amongst all the things you can do to make your day less stressful by making your home more accessible to your son (if needed), maybe you can figure out what your basic underlying belief is about your role in his life and alter it if it needs to be altered. I certainly had to address this; it took me two years to figure out that my basic underlying belief was that I thought it was my role to control my dc. Discovering this and then correcting it has opened up my <i>whole life</i>, including my mothering, which has been awesome, just awesome.<br><br>
It's wonderful that you've discovered your need to explore yourself in this way so early on in your child's life. You have so much time to grow and grow together <i>without</i> having to unload not only your own, but also your child's baggage. It's wonderful! I'm very happy for you! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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