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Background: My almost 27 month old no longer naps (hasn't for 5 months). She would nap if I let her, at 4pm, but then she's up until well past midnight. So we've compromised by letting her catnap when she's sleepy (but only for 20 mins or so). That seemed to help until recently. She refuses to nap at all earlier in the day. We try to do quiet time for an hour before lunch but that doesn't work so well.<br><br>
In the past we had a very set bedtime routine, that ended up with me nursing her to sleep in her room. And it worked GREAT. She was asleep within minutes. She sleeps on a crib mattress on the floor in her room (her choice -- she is a very active sleeper and can't sleep next to me anymore for long). But the problem is now I'm pregnant and no longer able to nurse her to sleep every night. It's incredibly painful for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Some nights I can let her nurse for about 7 minutes. Some not at all.<br><br>
So my husband takes turns -- I try to get her to sleep, then it doesn't work. I try rocking and giving her a bottle instead of nursing (explaining that her buddies are sick and don't feel well and that's why we can't nurse right now) and she gets angry and tries to hit me, and headbutt me. We don't accept that behavior in the daytime. I redirect her to jumping or stomping but at night I don't want her to get MORE riled up than she already is, so I don't know what to redirect her to that is okay. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
So what happens is I get frustrated and angry, she's crying, and I call in my husband. He takes over. Then she wants to play, and if he tries to get her to settle in the rocker or on her bed, she gets mad and tries to kick/headbutt him.<br><br>
He gets frustrated and calls me in.<br><br>
Repeat for about two hours until she finally falls asleep and we're ALL miserable and cranky. And with each passing minute I'm feeling worse and worse, because I'm losing my temper with a two year old who is refusing to sleep.<br><br>
Her room is very dark and quiet. We have a noise machine (crickets) that we've had since birth. Her last molar is coming in.<br><br>
How can I change the routine/help her so (1) she starts learning how to fall asleep on her own, since nothing we're doing is helping, and (2) how to help her settle and be still/quiet without nursing?<br><br>
Leaving her alone in her room to play/settle quietly Does Not Work. She screams if we leave the room. She's obviously tired. I've tried taking her up much earlier. Does not work.<br><br>
And I am loaded with guilt over basically needing to wean her, when I'd hoped to do child-led weaning (though I am still hopeful the pain/sensitivity will pass at some point). And I'm loaded with guilt over getting angry with her at night, when I'm trying so hard to make bedtime a calming experience.<br><br><b>Here's what I've tried: lavender, massage, singing one song over and over, reading bedtime books, rocking, patting, shushing, sitting nearby, lying next to her on her little mattress, sitting farther away but in the same room, whispering quietly, not engaging her at all other than to shush softly and remind her it's time to sleep, making sure she's very full, making sure she's not had anything sweet, no TV, giving her Infant Motrin, letting my husband try, giving her a bottle, rubbing her tummy, bringing her into my bed, lying with her in a big bed on the floor. She get s aton of exercise in the daytime.</b> You name it. I've tried it.<br><br>
IOW, I feel like I've tried everything. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> And still, for nights now, the end result is the same. I feel terrible, and she's becoming more and more resistant each night so each night is getting longer and more awful.<br><br>
What can I do? Please help me. I'm at my wit's end. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
(And yes, I've got the NCSS for Toddlers, but my brain is so muddled right now I can't seem to make heads or tails of it all in terms of practical things to try. I'm very overwhelmed. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">)<br><br>
Please help.<br><br>
I'm so sorry this is so long. I'm just desperate. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br>
I have no advice to offer you as my guy is still teeny. I just couldn't read and not respond. Hopefully somebody with more experience can chime in with some answers for you, mama.
 

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My son is 21 months and I'm right there with you. I was just about to post nearly the same thing. I'm seriously about to loose my mind.<br><br>
No advice, just wanted to commiserate.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
We only co-slept the first two months with our first and she is a champion sleeper! Always has been from two months on! Our second, however, we did co-sleep with for longer and it was okay until he turned a year old. We've been miserable ever since, because so many things changed from then on. We didn't purchase the e-book, but a friend did an overview with me on this gal's program that she swore by. We tried the tips that we thought were totally ridiculous and guess what? It worked! The program recommends a fairly quick transition, but we preferred to take a slower approach. But it has made a huge improvement in our sleep for all of us! I need to purchase the e-book, because we'd like to continue a little further along now.<br><br>
Actually, with our oldest, we already did some of the tips my girlfriend mentioned and didn't realize that perhaps that made a difference in our daughter's sleeping habits early on. We simply didn't do these things with our second, but when we did, it helped!<br><br>
I'd give you the tips, but I don't want to give you tips if there are better tips in the e-book, since she said it's loaded with information. My friend gave me the tips she thought would work for our son at his age. Which is another reason I just want to read it myself.<br><br>
It's called, "The Sleep Sense Program", by Dana Obleman.<br><br><a href="http://www.sleepsense.net/" target="_blank">http://www.sleepsense.net/</a><br><br>
It comes with a six month guarantee, no questions asked, so it certainly couldn't hurt to look at.<br><br>
HTH!!! Hang in there, mama!
 

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I've got a 20 month old who seems to be in the same rut. I'm not sure that there is anything for us left to try. I think perhaps now we'll just ride it out. She'll grow out of it soon...<br><br>
right?? UGH.!
 

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Hi mama,<br>
I wanted to reply to let you know that you are not the only one out there going through this. Not that that will necessarily help, but I have a newborn and a 2 1/2 yr old and we are going through the same kind of struggles with bedtime.<br><br>
It might not be all about the nursing, so try not to feel too guilty. My daughter mostly weaned (with encouragement from me b/c of sore pregnant nipples) during my pregnancy. She has started nursing more since the baby was born, and even loves to share her nannies with the baby. So it's not necessarily true that you can't REALLY cut back nursing during pregnancy and then let her nurse after the baby is born (so she can still self-wean on some level).<br><br>
I don't really have too much advice for you about the bedtime thing, as I am struggling big time with this with my little one as well. Would it help if your hubby started the bedtime routine, instead of waiting until you are already engaged in a power struggle to come in and try and take over? I find my hubby is able to stay a bit more emotionally neutral with the bedtime thing, b/c he hasn't been engaged in the struggle for weeks.<br><br>
I have also found that rescue remedy for both of us about 25 minutes before we start the process seems to help, or at least the evenings I've tried that we seem to struggle less and for a shorter time.<br><br>
Good luck mama, and be sure that this too will pass.<br><br>
Anno
 
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