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I hate that I say this to ds. I want to show him that feelings are ok, how you feel is how you feel, there's no right or wrong, etc. (obviously, how it is expressed is sometimes not acceptable- as in the case of hitting when angry)<br><br>
But I find myself WAY too often yelling "STOP IT!" when he's crying. Or whining.<br>
I *think* what's happening is that I want to make things ok, I want to fix it. So I offer a solution. He's not happy with it. So at that point (after a bit more talking, solutions, etc), I get frustrated and basically express that he HAS to either be ok with the solution, or get over it. Basically, be happy OR be happy.<br>
Interestingly enough, when he was a baby, crying didn't bother me at all. But, then again, I could almost always fix it with nursing.<br><br>
Also, stuff like this: yesterday, I was putting tofu in containers to put in the freezer. He saw me and wanted some. I told him that I didn't think he'd like it raw, he said ok. AFTER I got it all packaged up and put in the freezer and started on somethign else, he decided he DID want to try some. He got all whiny and upset. I said "Fine, I will get you a bite. But you BETTER eat the entire bite." (I gave him a tiny piece- half a bite for him). I have no idea where that came from. That's so not the parent I want to be. It's idiotically stupid. So I got him a bite, he didn't like it (and didn't eat it), and I huffed about it.<br>
Right afterwards, he did the same basic thing with frozen stock cubes. I told him to go play in the living room and leave me alone. Not those exact words, but not any nicer.<br><br>
Um, why in the WORLD would I get that upset over that? I don't get it.<br>
Seems that it could be related to my dad using the phrase "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about."<br><br>
So, I don't know what to do. What can I do? I need some ideas- scripts? Would I even be able to do that? Even short easy ones?<br>
I'd rather ignore the crying than order him to stop, but I don't like that idea either. Plus I don't know if I'd even be able to do it.<br><br>
Dp says to just stick with no (like in the tofu case), and let him be upset about it. He's not saying that because it's what HE would do- he's much more patient and accepting than I am. He's trying to give me ideas to help me deal better (I'm sure he's appalled that I react the way I do, but he's never expressed that to me).<br><br>
So...tell me anything that you think would help me.
But I find myself WAY too often yelling "STOP IT!" when he's crying. Or whining.<br>
I *think* what's happening is that I want to make things ok, I want to fix it. So I offer a solution. He's not happy with it. So at that point (after a bit more talking, solutions, etc), I get frustrated and basically express that he HAS to either be ok with the solution, or get over it. Basically, be happy OR be happy.<br>
Interestingly enough, when he was a baby, crying didn't bother me at all. But, then again, I could almost always fix it with nursing.<br><br>
Also, stuff like this: yesterday, I was putting tofu in containers to put in the freezer. He saw me and wanted some. I told him that I didn't think he'd like it raw, he said ok. AFTER I got it all packaged up and put in the freezer and started on somethign else, he decided he DID want to try some. He got all whiny and upset. I said "Fine, I will get you a bite. But you BETTER eat the entire bite." (I gave him a tiny piece- half a bite for him). I have no idea where that came from. That's so not the parent I want to be. It's idiotically stupid. So I got him a bite, he didn't like it (and didn't eat it), and I huffed about it.<br>
Right afterwards, he did the same basic thing with frozen stock cubes. I told him to go play in the living room and leave me alone. Not those exact words, but not any nicer.<br><br>
Um, why in the WORLD would I get that upset over that? I don't get it.<br>
Seems that it could be related to my dad using the phrase "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about."<br><br>
So, I don't know what to do. What can I do? I need some ideas- scripts? Would I even be able to do that? Even short easy ones?<br>
I'd rather ignore the crying than order him to stop, but I don't like that idea either. Plus I don't know if I'd even be able to do it.<br><br>
Dp says to just stick with no (like in the tofu case), and let him be upset about it. He's not saying that because it's what HE would do- he's much more patient and accepting than I am. He's trying to give me ideas to help me deal better (I'm sure he's appalled that I react the way I do, but he's never expressed that to me).<br><br>
So...tell me anything that you think would help me.