[aweynsayl]

i have a couple gfs who have babes around about the same age as mine-- 4 mo-- and they're both having a rough time with sleeping.... and i just dont know how to relate, and i think they get upset with me, kinda no matter what i say, ya know?

one issue is a babe who isnt napping well. mom goes into the nursery, gets him to sleep by nursing him, but he wakes up as soon as she puts him down. she seems really frustrated, but i'm afraid to suggest she just let him nap on her lap, as i'm guessing she has a reason for not wanting todo this, even though it means hes not napping? anyone relate to this at that age? ds and i nap together, or he naps on my lap, on the boppy, after nursing. i dont imagine he will always do this, but i am mkore than happy to hold him as much as i can while i still can, and i relish the rest myself!

the other problem is nighttime-- getting babe to sleep longer without nursing, etc.... we co-sleep, and i let ds nurse as often as he wants. i mean, hes just a baby! if hes hungry, hes hungry.... even i have to get up at night some times to eat... anyhow. i guess i just wish i could understand their position better... i'm afraid we're not remaining good friends because we dont relate well as parents......

 

[sheandaru]

I don't think you'd be out of line by making suggestions. She's probably complaining because she's hoping for some advice!

 

[maryeb]

Alot of mothers I know really expect their babies to nap in their cribs. My ds would never ever nap without me, so I wore him or he napped on the boppy or we co napped until about 8.5 months. Since then he is has been okay on his own in our bed...when the topic comes up I just tell moms what I did. Some responses/comments have been: "wow, 8.5 months is a long time!!!', or "I just don't understand why my baby sleeps better next to me"...and so on. I just think expectations can get the best of people sometimes, you know? Like a pp I don't think you would be out of line to suggest something, they just might not agree or truly want to committ to helping their child nap that way. HTH. Mary

 

[millionmom]

I also carried my baby through most of his naps in the early months....he just napped better that way! It's more frustrating to try to get a little baby to do something that just isn't natural for them!

 

[catgirl1007]

My 22 month old still sleeps on my now pregnant belly/lap.

Like you, I'm trying to relish this time with her. After I get her to sleep I am able to transition her, but I enjoy holding her.

I've found that some moms just want to vent about their babies not sleeping well. I used to offer advice in a vague manner b/c when I did explain about napping in arms or co-sleeping, I usually got the "How do you get ANYthing done??" or "That would never work for us" comments.

Oh, and my DD was nursing throughout the night up until she was about 20-21 months old. She'd still be doing it but she has night weaned herself b/c my milk supply has taken a severe dip from being PG.

Do what feels right for you in your heart. Everything you described is what we either did or are still doing and I wouldn't change a thing.

 

[DQMama]

I'm guessing she doesn't have an older child? I like it when dd naps in her crib so that I can spend one-on-one time with ds. Yes, she can sleep in the sling when we play, and oftentimes she does, but he will still give her that resentful glare sometimes

He is so happy he is almost giddy when it is just us--he says, "Mommy and E time!" So sometimes it is nice if I can put her down and she will stay asleep--if not, I will pick her up immediately but if so, I leave her.

I would ask your friend why she needs him to sleep in the crib. I might say something like, "Oh, so you really want him to sleep in the crib?" Maybe she hasn't considered that there is another way? Does she have a sling?

If it is really important to her that he use the crib, what I try sometimes is holding dd all the way down to the crib. I keep my arms around her for a minute or so and gradually release my hold on her.

 

[fiddledebi]

Is it really that hard to understand why someone would not want to hold her baby through every nap? Really? You just can't imagine why?

I adore my kids. I love hugging and kissing and holding and loving them. I think holding a sleeping baby is delicious. HOWEVER...I would not want to feel that I had no choice. I had DD1 in my lap for most naps when she was a young baby (probably up to about 6 months), but as soon as I could start trying to get her to sleep in her crib for naps, I did. I liked having a few minutes to myself to move freely, bend over and pick things up, etc., and to be perfectly honest, I liked just having my body to myself a little bit.

With DD2, it's like a PP said -- I have an older child now, and she deserves my attention too. Neither of my children did well when I moved them after getting them to sleep -- so if DD2 spent all naps in my lap, that meant I could not get up and get a snack for DD1, play a game with her, give her a hug, etc. I held (and hold) DD2 as much as she wants when she's awake, but I am glad that I lovingly worked on teaching her that her crib was a safe and comfortable place to sleep.

Everybody has different limits. Pushing past them can make for a resentful, frustrated mama, and babies sense that, too. Just listen to your friend and sympathize with her frustration...just my two cents.

 

[BensMom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by fiddledebi Is it really that hard to understand why someone would not want to hold her baby through every nap? Really? You just can't imagine why?

:

I mean, sometimes mama might like to eat with no one on her, go potty, shower, clean up some dishes, feel like a single human being for a few mins instead of always a dyad?

Anyway, tell her about the arm trick. If you lift their arm and there is any resistance, that means they are not in deep sleep yet. If it drops back down, it usually indicates they are in deep sleep and can be moved with a better chance of staying asleep. I used that a lot with DD and DS. Or jsut force yourself to wait 5 mins longer than you think you need to ensure that deep sleep. Use lots of shusshhing as you put them down. Play some relaxing music as white noise, to create a sleep association.

I also have an Amby bed that will gently bounce and help rock her back to sleep if she wakes during the transfer. Not sure if your friend is looking for a $200 solution, but I figured I would throw it out there anyway.

 

[aweynsayl]

thanks, gals!!

lol, nooo.... it's not that i dont get why a mom would want some time sans baby on her lap.

but she has that... she puts him in the swing, the bouncy seat.... what i dont "get" is why, when she's clearly upset that in one week he hasnt slept during the day for x ammount of time (she has a sense of how long she wants him to nap for), but ... she knows he would sleep if she nursed him or held him or lay down with him..... but she chooses not to. that is what doesnt quite make sense to me.

but your replies help, thanks! i think we're just no longer able to be friends.... which makes me sad... but life does go on!