I would in no way be in the definition of AP, so take what I say with a grain of salt. My wife is very into AP and I am very into "instinct". Luckily, they coincide nicely as most of what I wanted to do is what AP suggests. #1. One of my differing views about AP is the co-sleeping. I believe that our daughters bed is in her room, but that she is more than welcome to join us in our bed if she needs to for any reason. When she falls asleep, she goes in her bed. She sleeps just fine in there. When she wakes up in the night, we give her what she needs as far as comfort/feeding/changing/the works. We then put her back in her own bed to sleep and she goes to sleep nicely most of the time. On the nights she doesn't, we happily bring her into our bed. She is more than welcome there. This is something my wife agrees with as well. But her reasoning is that she can't get any sleep when the baby is in the bed because every slight movement causes her to wake up.
I am not for 100% co-sleeping. She falls asleep and we put her in her bed, she's happy and sleeps for extended periods. 2 5+ hour stretches most nights. Through the nights others. In the mornings, she makes a "I'm here" noise, we go in and she's smiling from ear to ear. We love our daughter, when she cries we go and give her what she needs.
Breastfeeding past a year.. Our daughter is 5 months old and she's still going perfectly with BF. I'm on board with instinct here. My wife is adamant about going well past a year in BF. Why would I argue it? If that seems like the right thing for us _at one year_ then we'll do it. But to assume that 7 months from now it will be the right or wrong thing doesn't work. Frankly, we're at 5 months old and get dirty looks whenever my wife is BF. (she does it so discretely, it's shocking to hear what some people say) No one has said anything while I'm around yet, but I certainly welcome them to. I'll be happy to tell them to jump off a bridge. My feeling is. As long as you're being discrete about it, why would anyone be offended? When I say discrete, I mean covering with a blanket, covering with the sling or exposing slightly.
When you assume "it's going to be dirty to BF past 1 year" or wrong or whatever and aren't even there it seems you need to pick the battles at the time. Why fight over something that isn't going to happen for a while? Take it naturally. What if at 10 months your child weans completely? The argument and strife would have been pointless. Will they wean at 10 months? Who knows? But why argue it now. This was a breakthrough in our marriage. To live life for today, and not to get angry or upset about the "future and what might happeN"
My point all along with my wife is that we should read a lot, learn a lot and then do what comes natural. Co-sleeping isn't right or wrong. It works for some people and it doesn't work for others.
I won't sleep in a side car bed, I won't sleep on the floor. I don't think that makes me wrong, it's just a differing view point. To those that will, more power to you. I wouldn't expressly say that your husband is just "wrong". And I will warn you about him "doing research" I found a lot of things that coutered what my wife was saying. What that string of events led us to was that "There are a lot of ways to parent out there, let's quit listening to the experts so much and do what works best for _both of us_" There are experts on every single topic and if you want to you can make a case for anything.
Richard
