[3jays]

My 4 yo daughter is disrupting our home. I have to other children 6yo and 2 months. This behavior didnt just start it been going on for almost 2years or more. She jsut doesn't listen even when her safty is involved. I can get down on her level look her in the eyes and give direct instruction and she will look at me like I am not talking or laugh,which really upsets me. The other night she got so beside herself that I had to put her in the baby bed to keep her from destroying her room and hitting her sister

 

[marybethorama]

This is tough. I've had some difficult 4 yos in my life that sound like your dd

It doesn't help that you're trying to deal with little ones too.

Part of the issue may be that when you talk to her about safety, etc you are giving too many words. She also may like getting a strong reaction from you. Kids do that.

Simple commands along with gentle redirection can be very helpful and effective.

Also some kids can get really wound up and destructive. I think you have to try different things to see what calms them down. Your dd may need to have some quiet time to recover herself.

Sorry I don't have more concrete suggestions right now. Just a few ideas. I hope some other parents of 4 yos can share their ideas.

 

[cdahlgrd]

4 can be a hard age. My oldest was a lot like this, just would not listen, ever.

I have a list of questions for you first:

Have you checked her for allergies?
Does she get plenty of sleep?
Does she eat every 2-3 hours?
Does she ALWAYS do the opposit of what you say?
Does secluding her help?
Do you get into arguments with her?
Does she have any impulse control?
Does she get plenty of one on one time with you?
Does she go to preschool or daycare? If so, does she like it?

Please don't think these questions are judgements!!!! These are just things that have come into play with my kids and others I know.

 

[bdavis337]

I wonder if it's possible that she has a language delay or issue that's making it hard for her to really grasp what you're trying to ask her to do. I only say this b/c I've had a few boys in my 6 year old's peer group in the last year who have pragmatic language delays, and they respond to their parents in a similar manner as you've described your dd. They have a difficult time assimilating the intent, severity and even necessity of what's being asked of them, and laughter or totally ignoring the adult/caregiver is their way of responding when they don't know how else to answer. I've got a variety of examples, but I won't bore you with them.

 

[3jays]

Well, She is does go to a montesori school in which I wonder if it gives her to many choices. Mayb she needs more structure to her day. I have had her tested for everything in the book however everyones response is that she is fine, just a lot of attitude(DR words exactly). I did this because sometimes if she is really pissed she will poop on herself, and that does get a big reaction out of me and she doesn't mind cleaning herself up either. Somehow I thought that would stop her from doing that but it didint. I think she gets enough rest. I do spend one on one time with her but my time is kinda limited because I'm a single mom with 3 children. I would love suggestions